[quote=“irishstu”][quote=“Dr_Zoidberg”]If #2 is bad-mouthing you to #1, why doesn’t #1 tell him to fuck right off? Come to think of it, why aren’t you telling #2 to fuck right off when he starts bad-mouthing #1?
Sounds to me like the three of you deserve each other.[/quote]
I can’t argue with the above.
Fact is, two good male friends act like this:
Girl fancies guy 1.
Guy 2 fancies girl.
Guy 1 actually would consider going out with the girl once he finds out she’s interested, but since his friend (guy 2) fancies the girl, he doesn’t do anything, due to their friendship (unless he’s a bastard of course).[/quote]
You two are self-help book material! I can predict Oprah’s producers calling you any day now.
[quote=“tash”][quote=“irishstu”][quote=“Dr_Zoidberg”]If #2 is bad-mouthing you to #1, why doesn’t #1 tell him to fuck right off? Come to think of it, why aren’t you telling #2 to fuck right off when he starts bad-mouthing #1?
Sounds to me like the three of you deserve each other.[/quote]
I can’t argue with the above.
Fact is, two good male friends act like this:
Girl fancies guy 1.
Guy 2 fancies girl.
Guy 1 actually would consider going out with the girl once he finds out she’s interested, but since his friend (guy 2) fancies the girl, he doesn’t do anything, due to their friendship (unless he’s a bastard of course).[/quote]
You two are self-help book material! I can predict Oprah’s producers calling you any day now.[/quote]
Everything I know, I learnt from Auntie Iris (Who will be clearing her backlog of unanswered questions any day now).
[quote=“ceevee369”]SAF, I can be wrong, but the guy who is rejected, is he in fact your ex-lover or not?(even if it was for a day or so?) Some men can be pricks when they do not get the honey anymore I guess.
Any chance you could tell them-him that friendship has limits?
No kissing or hanky-panky etc…?[/quote]
Not even a prolonged hug. No kisses. Not even outtings without other friends. No “lover” of any sort. With either of them, actually.
[quote=“tash”][quote=“irishstu”][quote=“Dr_Zoidberg”]If #2 is bad-mouthing you to #1, why doesn’t #1 tell him to fuck right off? Come to think of it, why aren’t you telling #2 to fuck right off when he starts bad-mouthing #1?
Sounds to me like the three of you deserve each other.[/quote]
I can’t argue with the above.
Fact is, two good male friends act like this:
Girl fancies guy 1.
Guy 2 fancies girl.
Guy 1 actually would consider going out with the girl once he finds out she’s interested, but since his friend (guy 2) fancies the girl, he doesn’t do anything, due to their friendship (unless he’s a bastard of course).[/quote]
You two are self-help book material! I can predict Oprah’s producers calling you any day now.[/quote]
Dr: I do tell him to stop when he starts. I mention that he is both of our friend and that it is not proper to talk. He just keeps at it.
stu: Hmmmm. I never thought about that. Shit. I backed off guy 1 anyways because I don’t want the drama.
Only if I had listened to Erhu, Tash, and 914 when they told me to quit dating artists and musicians…
[quote=“Ed en Vadrouille”]What would I do?
Talk frankly to number 4 to get him involved on your side and help work out the situation.
Or go straight at number 1 (the desired one) and have a franck conversation (play down the “number 2 told shit about u” part).
Or get urself a boyfriend (doesnt necessarily need to be true), hoping this will discourage number 2, and try again number 1 in six months.[/quote]
Well, Number 4 doesn’t want to be involved. he is the one who advised me (and I listened) to walk away from number 1 to avoid this drama. I did this a month ago. Yet number 2 is still acting his part.
I won’t try number 1 again in 6 months cuz he isn’t worth the drama.
Notice in my OP that I didn’t say “The three of us having coffee with me dating number 1”
I don’t see how having a frank conversation with number 1 would help anything. I mean, “I used to like you but your partner is a nutjob” would just increase drama. And while at t he moment i feel number 2 is a nutjob, that isn’t worth causing more drama over.
[quote=“SuchAFob”]
Only if I had listened to Erhu, Tash, and 914 when they told me to quit dating artists and musicians…[/quote]
You remind me of a friend back home who is constantly having drama in her relationships. To a certain extent, it’s always about her regaling to us her never-ending drama, constant woes and sorrows, roller-coaster relationships/friendships… We all deduced that it takes a drama queen to attract drama kings… I don’t know you personally but when it becomes a pattern, it ain’t just only the guys around you, it IS you as well.
I have learnt with this friend that no matter what well-intentioned advise you gave her, she never listens and always go ahead and do whatever she damn well pleases anyway and learn it the hard way eventually. So all I do now with her is listen sympathetically, nod occasionally, offer a knowing smile, acknowledge her comments once in a while, but pretty much it’s in one ear and out the other. Good luck in dealing with guy #1 and #2!
I don’t see how this is a pattern. The last time this happened was years ago. And twice (especially twice over a span of years) is not a pattern.
And as far as “it takes a drama queen to attract a drama king”
In both cases, I feel the attraction was mostly to “white girl”.
I don’t really feel number 2 gives a flying F about personality.
If you being white is the basis of the friendship for these guys…well…that’s not much upon which to base a friendship. You say you can’t walk away? Sure you can. Tell the pair of them you’re sick of their bs and they can go take a flying you-know-what.
its really simmering down now to whats going on, and i guess i cant say it any better than mlpgd or canucktyuktuk (sp?).
you seem like a friend of mine too, that is, she thrives on stress. and the, “oh my god” factor.
you are hearing what you want to hear here, and ignoring what you can’t bare to hear.
whether it be a pattern or not, who cares. you are feeding this scene with all you can give it.
for one you said you don’t even like guy #1 anymore, and you AND guy #2 talk shit about each other behind others backs.
so, my suggestion: go to hollywood, get a hold of a fox tv executive and let him/her tell you that your story is so told, so old, so stale, so, yes, “jr high”, that they won’t even consider it for a mock scene about how petty people are.
if you think you have a problem, go to java, go to new orleans, go to ethiopia, hell, go anywhere where people have real problems. otherwise,…deal.
I would like to know what makes you think I am ignoring what I can’t bare to hear when I have already said avoiding them sounds like good advice and already stated that I had already quit pursuit of the one that I like due to advice given.
I didn’t say I don’t like number 1 anymore. I said I am not pursuing him anymore. Not the same thing. Liking someone does not always mean it is wise to act on it.
The reason I ask for advice on how to avoid drama is that my friends circle is my work circle. I cannot completely out of my work circle.
I don’t see how saying that his interest in me is based on my skin tone is talking shit when that is VERY common among local guys.
I am not feeding the scene at all.
Also, Dr Zoidberg. I said that was the basis of attraction, not of friendship. Friendship is mostly based on work relationships. Do note that I did say I have never hung out with him ALONE…
I do find it rather pathetic the way you guys jump up and call me a drama queen over all this when in fact, in over a year of posting, this is the first post like this.
If I was wanting drama, I would not have asked advice on the best way to avoid it. The fact is I can’t really ask advice from most of my friends because they are all in the same circle, will know who I am talking about, and with the way drunk musicians talk, will probably cause more drama.
Also, you say I am feeding this scene with all that I can give it. But I have already mentioned that I have been out of town every weekend avoiding this scene. Previously, I spent weekends hanging out with work (even when not working). Now I spend weekends no where near. Which seems not much “feeding” it.
I don’t really understand how it is that you guys think a girl choses who likes her and who doesn’t. Have none of you guys ever liked a girl who just wasn’t into you?
Funny, the ones who are busy talking shit aren’t giving advice. The one who gave advice I said I agreed with his advice.
I hope you realize that you just make youself look like a little old quilting lady talking a bunch of shit. Not pretty.
sounds like you already have done all you can do. you seem kind of defensive. don’t ask for opinions from people who are only looking at words on a computer screen if you can’t handle objective views. we are only responding to words on this forum. i don’t know you and i don’t hang out with you.
i only respond to what i see in print.
you ask how to avoid drama, but in your last post it looks like you already have done so, so again i ask…
OT, but next time when you guys want to post about these complicated and confusing love problems, can we use names instead of Boy1 Boy2 Man3 Man4 Gal5, etc? I’m sooo confused!
Or can we give them names? Moesha, Steinberg, D’Shawn, Ming Li, Hiep Vo, etc…
you ask how to avoid drama, but in your last post it looks like you already have done so, so again i ask…
what’s the problem?..
best wishes,
jm[/quote]
I guess I wanted advice on a way to shake one off without having to hide from the situation.
And don’t tell me to belch, fart, smoke, and cuss in front of him. Cuz I already do all that:P
The way to deal with triangle dramas is to work the triangle. What do I mean?
Threesome baby! (and we need pictures to give constructive feedback).
This will do one of two things, both of which, sound like your goal:
They back off and leave you alone cuz they can’t handle a 3-some, and think you’re too freaky a white woh-mon.
They jump on the grenade (you). You have crazy sex with the guy you like (as well as the guy you don’t) But since 3-somes have a quick half-life, see 1.
This only works if you insist in a 3-some or not at all. Again, for the sake of learning, I insist on photographs, videos, even handwritten notes ideally in the form of a letter.
[quote=“Jack Burton”]The way to deal with triangle dramas is to work the triangle. What do I mean?
Threesome baby! (and we need pictures to give constructive feedback).
This will do one of two things, both of which, sound like your goal:
They back off and leave you alone cuz they can’t handle a 3-some, and think you’re too freaky a white woh-mon.
They jump on the grenade (you). You have crazy sex with the guy you like (as well as the guy you don’t) But since 3-somes have a quick half-life, see 1.
This only works if you insist in a 3-some or not at all. Again, for the sake of learning, I insist on photographs, videos, even handwritten notes ideally in the form of a letter.[/quote]
You and 914, Sandman and the lot - you all are so cruel!!
