Love triangle- how to avoid drama?

Okay. I have been in this situation before and it blew up in my face. And now here I am again.
I like a guy. His friend likes me.
His friend talks all sorts of shit to me about him. Horrible things. (Some friend, huh?)
I know that the friend probably does the thing about me to him. And that sucks.
I have decided it is best to walk away from the situation MOSTLY. But I cannot completely because we are all friends. I have ended my pursuit of the one I like (for other reasons) but that still leaves the other half of the situation.
See, long ago when I was in this situation, the other party let the party I liked believe that there was something going on. And then when I found this out, I backed off. But it was too late because everyone thought I had played him. And the truth doesn’t always come out in the end.
I have a minor fear of the same sort of drama (in a different way I am sure) coming out in this one. I can’t just walk away, because these are my friends. I have made it clear to the one who digs me that I don’t feel the same. But blah. Men are stubborn.
Men can be real jackasses when rejected. Especially the kind of men who would talk shit about a good friend to the girl in the middle.
I know the rules, he talks shit about him he must talk it about me too.
Now add in that everyone in this situation is local and my control of culture and language sucks.
Advise me.
What does a girl do in this sort of situation that allows for the least dramatic outcome?
I mean, the three of us hanging out without any hard feelings and no drama. Just as three friends. (well, 4 but the other person is cool with all three of us)
i feel I dug a hole without realizing I was holding a shovel. How do I undig?

Wow, I speak Engrish but now I suspect I don’t. I’m so confused…

SuchAFob, a love triangle EQUALS drama. You can’t un-drama it. When in doubt, get out. Why do you want to get involved in something so messy, where language and culture are issues to deal with?

My advice? Get with a nice Jewish boy.

But this could be a weeks worth or more of forumosa entertainment. SAF take one for the team and keep us informed on a daily basis…

This “friend” sounds like an unpleasant fellow.

And I’m not a jackass when rejected (must be all that practise… um)

well, I don’t want to get “involved” per say. But since we are all friends. I don’t really see a way out. I have already backed off of man 1. But that doesn’t mean I want man 2.

And the only Nice Jewish boy I know (now you sound like my mom, by the way) would put me in the middle of another love triangle.

Aye. Second that.

Jewish boy nice. Engrish also OK, la.

it really doesnt sound like you are all “friends”, at least not the one who talks shit about his so called “friends”

sounds like a bad apple who needs to be weeded out of the circle or triangle or whatever.

is the bad talker always negative? what are the qualities that makes you call him a friend anyway?

jm

[quote=“SuchAFob”]Advise me.
What does a girl do in this sort of situation that allows for the least dramatic outcome?
I mean, the three of us hanging out without any hard feelings and no drama.[/quote]

RUN AWAY!!!

Seriously. Leave the situation for awhile just to let it cool off; then come back to your friend later, as a friend, when cooler heads are prevailing.

Aye. Second that.

Jewish boy nice. Engrish also OK, la.[/quote]
How about a nice Scottish Jewish boy? :wink:

And what DB said… Dem are wise words…

Yeah. DB. Them is wise words. And the good thing about friends is that you can do that. They are always there when you come back.

What would I do?
Talk frankly to number 4 to get him involved on your side and help work out the situation.
Or go straight at number 1 (the desired one) and have a franck conversation (play down the “number 2 told shit about u” part).
Or get urself a boyfriend (doesnt necessarily need to be true), hoping this will discourage number 2, and try again number 1 in six months.

I have to agree with John Moss here.
The guy who’s talking bad about the both of you, couldn’t be a very good friend for either of you! :raspberry:

I’m pretty sure neither of you deserve to get trashed by your own “friend” like that.
what if your desired man actually have same feelings towards you? Wouldn’t you rather want to hang out with somebody who thinks you’re the world instead of somebody who talks bad about you the second you turn around for a few minuttes?

SuchAFob - good luck, gal :notworthy:

ps…I don’t think you can avoid drama unless you back of both for awhile…

Refuse to have anything to do with the asshole. Give him the cold stare and silent treatment whenever he walks in the room.

And last time…! …at band camp…! …there was this guy…! …and…like…he liked me!..and, uh…I liked him…but there was this other guy…and he was SOOO NOT COOL, like…he was saying things about us…And they were TOTALLY not true!..And I wanted to get away…but…well, I still like him, y’know?..And we ARE all friends and all…What should I do?

Sorry, but this kind of stuff reminds me of juniour high school. Be confident and deal with it in a straightforward manner and don’t let people talk shit behind your back. You don’t strike me as the type to deal with situations like this. If the guy you fancy is still there after you lay the cards on the table and the cowardly stalker/shit talker runs away (which he will), well good! If not, well, good! Sorry if they are your friends, but they don’t sound like GOOD friends.

I’ve been having way too many coffees with Taiwanese women complaining about the immaturity of men here…

[quote=“canucktyuktuk”]And last time…! …at band camp…! …there was this guy…! …and…like…he liked me!..and, uh…I liked him…but there was this other guy…and he was SOOO NOT COOL, like…he was saying things about us…And they were TOTALLY not true!..And I wanted to get away…but…well, I still like him, y’know?..And we ARE all friends and all…What should I do?

Sorry, but this kind of stuff reminds me of juniour high school. Be confident and deal with it in a straightforward manner and don’t let people talk shit behind your back. You don’t strike me as the type to deal with situations like this. If the guy you fancy is still there after you lay the cards on the table and the cowardly stalker/shit talker runs away (which he will), well good! If not, well, good! Sorry if they are your friends, but they don’t sound like GOOD friends.

I’ve been having way too many coffees with Taiwanese women complaining about the immaturity of men here…[/quote]

:notworthy: :notworthy: :bravo: :bravo:

Ditto.

Stan

If #2 is bad-mouthing you to #1, why doesn’t #1 tell him to fuck right off? Come to think of it, why aren’t you telling #2 to fuck right off when he starts bad-mouthing #1?

Sounds to me like the three of you deserve each other.

I think I’m finally beginning to understand how Dr. Phil made his money. He takes a long time to make “avoid triangle = avoid drama” sound complicated and exciting.

Triangles are inherently pointy and uncomfortable. Stay out of them. That, or arrange for the idiot to take himself out of it (get a friend to help with that), leaving you free to pursue the one you want.

SAF, I can be wrong, but the guy who is rejected, is he in fact your ex-lover or not?(even if it was for a day or so?) Some men can be pricks when they do not get the honey anymore I guess.
Any chance you could tell them-him that friendship has limits?
No kissing or hanky-panky etc…?

[quote=“Dr_Zoidberg”]If #2 is bad-mouthing you to #1, why doesn’t #1 tell him to fuck right off? Come to think of it, why aren’t you telling #2 to fuck right off when he starts bad-mouthing #1?

Sounds to me like the three of you deserve each other.[/quote]

I can’t argue with the above.

Fact is, two good male friends act like this:
Girl fancies guy 1.
Guy 2 fancies girl.
Guy 1 actually would consider going out with the girl once he finds out she’s interested, but since his friend (guy 2) fancies the girl, he doesn’t do anything, due to their friendship (unless he’s a bastard of course).