Well, I’ve gone and done it. I proposed to the girlfriend and we’re planning on getting married sometime in the next six months or so. Nothing is planned yet but that will be coming up shortly. I know a lot of the posters on here have already tied the knot with a local girl or guy and i was hoping some of you could give me the lowdown on what to expect with regards to the ceremony, reception, local traditions, and associated costs. Any advice on winning over the inlaws would also be greatly appreciated
I haven’t got any married friends in my group so any advice or suggestions would be a big help to me and hopefully any other readers who decide to take the plunge.
(a) the legal registration part that makes you officially married (the government will tell you what to do)–we did this last, but today under the new regulations, that would count as living in sin
(b) a family ceremony, in which you bow in gratitude to the parents and their ancestral altar (the parents will tell you what to do)
(d) then the banquet (everybody will tell you what to do)
(e) then you go home and–depending on how quickly you manage to turn off the lights–you get to either entertain some more guests there, or have sex with your new wife. (There’s a tradition of practical jokes, so watch out for that.)
Wow! Congratulations, Pie Boy!
and Congratulations, cfimages!
You’re getting married!
The best thing I’ve ever done!
:bravo: :bravo: :bravo: :bravo:
That’s my advice.
Just keep feedin’ that line to your wife.
It works even better if you say it to OTHER people (i.e. her friend) as you put your arm around her (your wife-not your wife’s friend), stand erect (your posture); and defiantly say, “Marrying Xiao-mei (use your actual wife’s name; not mine) is the BEST THING I’ve ever done!”
If performed correctly, your eyes should be showing a lot of white, your chin should be pointing to the clouds, and some may wonder if you’re picking a fight.
Practice in front of a mirror if you have to . . . put your arm around a chair, and try it a couple hundred times.
“Marrying Xiao-mei is the BEST thing I’ve ever done!”
“Marrying Xiao-mei is the best thing I’VE
ever done!”
“Marrying Xiao-mei is the BEST THING I’ve ever done!”
“Marrying Xiao-mei is the best thing I’ve EVER done!”
“Marrying Xiao-mei is the best thing I’ve ever DONE!”
“MARRYING Xiao-mei is the best thing I’ve ever done!”
“Marrying XIAO-MEI is the best thing I’ve ever done!”
“Marrying Xiao-mei IS the best thing I’ve ever done!”
“Marrying Xiao-mei is THEE BEST THING . . . I’VE ever done!”
Make sure your wife can’t see you practicing.
If done properly, this should get you . . .
out of the doghouse
out of some housework
out of jail free
some good lovin’ (you know what I mean), and most of all
some free time (as your wife will soon stop draggin’ you along to her friends’ weddings).
When we went to my wife’s family’s house, we had to go through a whole ton of bullshit, and I literally laughed my arse off at some of it.
It had been decided that apparently, 11am was an auspicious moment, so we had to wait until then. Okay, whatever. Then, at 11am, some old women (neighbours, relatives) decided the moment was right. So, this old lady grabbed the ring from me and tried to put it on my wife’s middle finger. I pointed out to her (with my wife translating) that obviously it wasn’t going to go on there since it was measured and fitted for her ring finger, which is smaller. She kept insisting that it was a tradition. I started laughing at her because of 1) her telling me about a tradition that comes from the West, 2) the fact that she was trying to jam it onto my wife’s middle finger. My friends and sister started laughing too. So then, somehow, she actually jammed it past the second knuckle on my wife’s middle finger, right to the base of her finger. My wife was in pain and I was like, “what the fuck?” to this old woman. So, my wife was sitting there grinning and bearing it and about thirty seconds to a minute later, my best man told me to look at her finger again. It had turned blue/purple and was swelling up like a giant sausage. I jumped up to pull it off and the old lady did too to insist that the ring stay on. At this point, my wife was just about crying, while I was saying for anyone who could understand, “if we don’t get this off now, we’re not getting it off without cutting it or her finger off” and I told the old lady to sit down. It was so fucked up. I wish someone had filmed it though because it was also quite hilarious in its absurdity.
So, my advice is don’t let any old ladies near the wedding ring, or at least video tape it and put it on youtube if you do.
Finally went around to my girlfriend’s family’s house last night to ask for the parents permission etc and despite my fears due to previous encounters (slightly frosty at best), I have to say, it all went pretty well. My girlfriend made me dress up nice and respectable and taught me some handy Chinese sentences before we got there and it seemed to be just what the doctor ordered. For those of you whose Chinese is crap like mine and want to know them here they are (excuse my pinyin):
Qing ba nuer gei wo - please give me your daughter (to marry)
Wo hui ai ta gen jiao gu ta yi bei zi - I will love and take care of her for ever
Sounds cheesy i know but went down very well.
Her mum was a little bit shocked and reluctant at first but after disappearing for a while to absorb the news came around and even smiled at me a couple of times (previously unheard of). Her dad’s reaction was completely unexpected. I had prepared myself for a huge amount of resistance coming from him, but when i told him he just laughed and basically said “whatever, it’s ok with me. Talk to the wife. She takes care of that kind of thing.” Having seen him blow up at awkward times before, this was a big relief and kinda made my night.
After talking things over for a while her mum, she said it’s got a green light and aside from insisting on the wedding cookies thing we can pretty much do it our way and she’ll let us take care of the details. Although as a foreigner, i find it hard to reconcile the idea of spending 80 - 100k on cookies, i figure that seeing as it’s the done thing over here and (from what i’ve heard) it could’ve been a lot worse, i can live with that. She also made me promise that i’d pull out my finger and get my Chinese up to scratch so she can talk to me without an interpreter. That’s fair enough, and good motivation for me to finally put in more than a token effort. Now it’s onto the nitty gritty of sorting everything out and making some plans.
Speaking of that i was just wondering CFImages, if you could send me through a PM to give me an idea of what kinda wedding related things you do and a basic range of costs. Cheers mate and good luck to you and your lady
If you are planning to have kids, I strongly suggest you go over all the details before the missus gets pregnant. Some Taiwanese have ideas about childrearing that are very different than in the west, and it would be better to get all this worked out before you are presented with a fait accompli. Specifically, consider breastfeeding, the time off your wife will spend looking after the baby, and any other crucial points. Also get everything on the table about family members debts, them moving in with you, etc before you tie the knot.
Also, please be advised that foreigners are notoriously cheap wedding cash gift givers compared to Taiwanese. Most of them will think, “What’s the minimum these days? Oh, 1800NT, OK.” and just give that. Your inlaws may not be aware of this, and you could end up with a lot less money than you expect from the wedding banquet, which should ideally serve to offset all the expenses for cookies, wedding dress and photos etc. Shop around and find a good deal on these. Remember, you don’t need to do everything the wife’s side says in terms of these things, just satisfy the basic social requirement.
One idea for the wedding banquet is to get a place in Taipei County - cheaper by about 10-20% per table, and invite lots of Taiwanese: work contacts, former students if applicable, etc etc.
[quote]My girlfriend […] taught me some handy Chinese sentences before we got there and it seemed to be just what the doctor ordered. For those of you whose Chinese is crap like mine and want to know them here they are (excuse my pinyin):
Qing ba nuer gei wo - please give me your daughter (to marry)
Wo hui ai ta gen jiao gu ta yi bei zi - I will love and take care of her for ever
Sounds cheesy I know but went down very well.[/quote]
You might want to try these:
Women yijing kaishr zuo jiashr, ni de nuer hao si (“We have loved each other for a long time”)
Ta yuelai yuexiang ta mama yiyang pang, yiyang ai laodao (“She is as lovely as her mother”)
That should liven up even the most dreary social event.
[quote=“Screaming Jesus”][quote]My girlfriend […] taught me some handy Chinese sentences before we got there and it seemed to be just what the doctor ordered. For those of you whose Chinese is crap like mine and want to know them here they are (excuse my pinyin):
Qing ba nuer gei wo - please give me your daughter (to marry)
Wo hui ai ta gen jiao gu ta yi bei zi - I will love and take care of her for ever
Sounds cheesy I know but went down very well.[/quote]
You might want to try these:
Women yijing kaishr zuo jiashr, ni de nuer hao si (“We have loved each other for a long time”)
Ta yuelai yuexiang ta mama yiyang pang, yiyang ai laodao (“She is as lovely as her mother”)
That should liven up even the most dreary social event.[/quote]
Pie Boy, do not use these phrases. SJ ran out of things that are sacred to other people to mock and is trying to yank your chain here.
In response to the call for advice and suggestions in the thread title: eliminate the word ‘local’ from your vocabulary as a noun or adjective describing a person or practice.
Why? I’ve never heard of the term ‘local’ being considered offensive
It’s just a generic term used to describe someone or something from a particular location i.e Local phenomenon, local traditions, local business practices, local government, local people, local wildlife, etc etc blah blah.
Not being born and raised locally, and having plans to settle in this location, i’m interested in gaining a better understanding of local cultural norms. Thanks for your suggestion Feiren, but I just can’t see anything wrong with using the term ‘local’ as a noun or adjective. I’ll take your post under advisement, but can’t promise anything
Both Taiwanese people and foreign residents of Taiwan regularly use the word ‘local’ in a pejorative sense to mean anything from slightly backward and unenlightened to low class, vulgar, and ignorant.
When Taiwanese people drop the word into their Mandarin conversations, it is basically a replacement word for tu3, literally ‘dirt’, but meaning ‘vulgar’.
I haven’t really heard people using “local” in the sense that you mention Feiren, although I’ve heard accusations of it being used like that a few times. Interestingly, the accusations all come from foreigners (that I’ve heard anyway).
[quote=“Feiren”]Both Taiwanese people and foreign residents of Taiwan regularly use the word ‘local’ in a pejorative sense to mean anything from slightly backward and unenlightened to low class, vulgar, and ignorant.
When Taiwanese people drop the word into their Mandarin conversations, it is basically a replacement word for tu3, literally ‘dirt’, but meaning ‘vulgar’.[/quote]
Really?? I guess it could be used to mean that but it would depend entirely upon the context and the way you said it. But then, given the right amount of venom/ distaste/ self righteousness etc in your tone, a lot of normally ok words could be used in a negative way. I’d think it would go without saying though, that when i’m referring to the girl i just asked to marry me, i’m definitely not meaning it that way.
Anyways, 'nuff said. Cheers CFImages, i’ll look forward to your mail.
Congratulations Pie Boy. I married one of the natives a couple of years ago. For reasons I won’t go into here, I sidestepped the usual celebrations and just did the deed at a registry office.
It seems fine to me.