A bit about me: I am 32, live in OZ and have been happily single for the last few years, focusing on my career etc. I do get a bit of attention from girls but finding someone hasn’t been a priority for me off late.
About a week ago, I was at a club playing wingman for my friend when I saw this 24 yr old Taiwanese girl whom I instantly liked and we (me and my mate) approached her and her friend. Both girls were on weeklong holiday in OZ and were basically flying to Taiwan the next afternoon. They spoke good english and communication wasn’t an issue at all. Long story short, the girl I liked ended coming home with me and it has to be one of the best one night stand I have ever had. I am not a big fan of one night stands as usually I find them a bit awkward and rarely feel great afterwards.
We exchanged nos. before she left and have been texting everyday. Based on the limited interaction we have had so far, I really really like this girl and she seems to check all the boxes for me. She tells me the same and I have told her that lets just how this goes. I know this sounds a bit crazy but it has been barely a week and already in my head, I feel somewhat committed to her. Last night at a bar, this (very attractive Caucasian) girl was trying to hit on me and I just left quickly, something which I wouldn’t have done before. I acknowledge that this could be just the initial infatuation and a lot depends on how we interact over the coming months.
My main problem is that I am not a big believer in long distance relationships and also I can’t leave OZ for the next few years, which means the only way this could work is if she comes to OZ. Also, I am not sure how culture influences her expectations - i.e. would she be happy to come down to OZ for a few months to give this a go or would expect to be married before she does that. She has said that she likes OZ and would love to work here in the future.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. Any cultural aspects which I should be mindful of so that we can keep developing the relationship over the next few months and I can find what she is really thinking. I will happily go to visit her if we are still chatting after a month or so.
Also, based on the all the posts I have read here about psycho xiaojie, how do I ensure that she isn’t one! A week of texting is barely enough to know somebody and right now I have no idea whether she is a psycho or what her expectations are. She says that she really likes me and doesn’t expect much at this stage rather than just being able to share her life with me via texts etc.
I know that there are no straight answers to questions like these but I am hoping that I can get some views and advise here…
Taiwan has a “working holiday” exchange program with Australia that allows young Taiwanese (under 30) to visit and work in Australia for a certain period of time without going through the ordinary work permit hurdles. That might be a good platform for her to come back to visit you and stay for a while so that the two of you can get to know each other better. You could try to find a room for her to rent before she arrives. (I wouldn’t recommend moving in together straight away, until you’re sure you’re right for each other.) This is just off the top of my head – I don’t know the details of the working holiday program, but I’m sure you can find information online. Based on the stories that have been posted on here over the years, foreign-man Taiwan-woman relationships that begin outside of Taiwan tend to work better when the woman joins the man overseas rather than vice versa. That is a huge generalization of course, but I think there’s some truth in it. Good luck.
Yes, that is my intention as well. Encourage her to use the visa program and hep her to get setup here. She is only 24 so finding a job in her current field might not be easy with limited experience. She says she is very career focused so I don’t think she would be just happy to work in bars, pick fruit etc. which are typically the jobs pretty much everybody on work-a-holiday visa tends to do.
I agree with you. My guess is that the relationship has a much better chance of working if she moves here rather than me in Taiwan. Although, I am fairly global and have worked overseas before. But have to be in OZ for the next 2 years.
It could be that the only reason that she hasn’t given you a cold shower yet is the fact that you are long distance.
There is usually no need for that. So, she can have a one night stand and keep the fire burning out of control.
However, there is only one way to find out. Get together again and see what happens.
[quote=“Hamletintaiwan”]It could be that the only reason that she hasn’t given you a cold shower yet is the fact that you are long distance.
There is usually no need for that. So, she can have a one night stand and keep the fire burning out of control.
However, there is only one way to find out. Get together again and see what happens.[/quote]
That very well could be the case. However, she is actively texting and saying all ‘the right’ things. I guess, she could be mantaining some optionality.
Keep up the chatting and if things deepen discuss the working holiday! If she already has an interest in Oz, having a friend/boyfriend there can only help her make a decision.
Regardless of how interested she is in her career, she may well like to spend a year improving her English and experiencing a different culture. It could even look good on her resume and help her get higher English scores on tests that will help her in her employment.
It sounds like you feel pretty strongly about her- love is a mysterious and beautiful thing and even if it “doesn’t make sense after only a one night stand” your body/heart probably know something you don’t. Best of luck!
[quote=“NonTocareLeTete”]Keep up the chatting and if things deepen discuss the working holiday! If she already has an interest in Oz, having a friend/boyfriend there can only help her make a decision.
Regardless of how interested she is in her career, she may well like to spend a year improving her English and experiencing a different culture. It could even look good on her resume and help her get higher English scores on tests that will help her in her employment.
It sounds like you feel pretty strongly about her- love is a mysterious and beautiful thing and even if it “doesn’t make sense after only a one night stand” your body/heart probably know something you don’t. Best of luck![/quote]
I don’t think I have felt so strongly about anybody before in such a short span of time - so its sort of freaking me out as well. My plan is just keep up the casual chats and see where it goes.
I am just not sure if there are certain cultural aspects which I need to be mindful off. For example with Australian girls, they will pretty much tell you what they think and even when they don’t, I have a better feel for picking up subtle signs etc. I have a few ABCs and Malaysian Chinese as close friends but have not spent any time around Taiwanese girls before.
I am just not sure if there are certain cultural aspects which I need to be mindful off. For example with Australian girls, they will pretty much tell you what they think and even when they don’t, I have a better feel for picking up subtle signs etc. I have a few ABCs and Malaysian Chinese as close friends but have not spent any time around Taiwanese girls before.[/quote]
You can find some info here about cross-cultural relationships, but the truth is that people often come here when things are going wrong. So take it all with a grain of salt (things go wrong in all kinds of relationships, and some people are better than others at handling the unique issues that come from a cross-cultural relationship.)
I would recommend looking for blogs and websites with couples who are still together- POSITIVE STORIES- seek those out. No need to feast on the negative at this early stage. I’ve seen several blogs about western female/asian male couples (as a western female those interest me more) but I’m sure there are a lot of the other way around (as that seems to be the more common relationship configuration.)
most taiwanese love to live abroad. don’t see why she woudn’t jump at the chance to move there. you should also post pics so we can see why you are so head over heels and uh…give better advice?
At some point there needs to be some compromise, but the thing is – if it’s meant to be, then the compromises, or perhaps what other people perceive as being compromises, won’t seem all that big of a deal. I’m in a long term relationship with my wife (she’s from Taiwan), and we’ve back and forwards between the UK and Taiwan several times. We’ve currently settled in Taiwan. If things work out you might find yourself in a similar situation of going back and forth, but it’s not a bad a thing. That way you get have a feeling of both places, and see what works best for the relationship. Anyway, if you really want this to work you need to stay in regular contact and sort the distance problem out as soon as possible.
Cultural aspects? She slept with you on the first date. I think that pretty well sums up any cultural differences. She is modern and with her english skills, is well accustomed to western culture. It won’t be that different. You’ll adapt to her, she will adapt to you.
Be yourself. See where it goes over the long run. Keep us posted.
Quit texting. Use viber, line, skype, whatsapp, whatever.
Those Taiwanese girls ! Little heartbreakers they are ! Best of luck with yours. Just see if she can come back again to OZ for more quality time and time will tell .
Hehe…I think you are right. Based on pretty much every post I read on this forum, it seems that they are the masters of subtle manipulation. They slowly and steadily enslave you while making you feel great about it
She has studied abroad so is no stranger to the West and also appears pretty switched on. Its not so much our night out but the texting afterwards which is making me really like her. She certainly has the smarts to be the supremo of subtle manipulation if she wants to play that game :neutral:
Funnily enough, a senior guy at my work (white guy) is married to a Shanghainese. They seem happy together, but from the outside it looks rather extreme. She clearly wears the pants in the relationship to the extent that he doesn’t even have direct access to his own salary and needs permission for pretty much any discretionary spend. I can hear her yelling at him on the phone pretty much whenever she calls! I have seen a fair few other examples like that and there is no way, I want that to happen to me!
I want to give this a good whack before I call it quits. If things go as planned, I will visit Taiwan next month for 2 weeks and she would visit OZ later in the year.
The good thing is that she says that she is happy to move to OZ, if things work out between us. So that is less of an issue. I am tied to OZ for the next couple of years with my job but after that I can be fairly mobile as well.
I want to give this a good whack before I call it quits. If things go as planned, I will visit Taiwan next month for 2 weeks and she would visit OZ later in the year.
The good thing is that she says that she is happy to move to OZ, if things work out between us. So that is less of an issue. I am tied to OZ for the next couple of years with my job but after that I can be fairly mobile as well.[/quote]
Considering your situation and location I think that’s the best plan you could both have. I hope it all works out. As mentioned by other posters – most posts on Forumosa tend to be about relationships gone wrong. However, I’d consider my relationship to be fairly balanced (arguments frequently happen, but we always forgive and mostly forget). I know of several other couples with one member who isn’t Taiwanese, and they’re working just fine. I wish you both all the best.
Can’t you find a time to come and visit her in Taiwan? This is the best way to know her better. Once we had a OP that also met a magnificent girl in Australia, came here and things were quite different. The dynamics between her and her family and the new BF turn out to be not that good. And we had another OP that came here to be with his girlfriend and discovered that she was already married to someone else.
She might be the one but you really need to be sure. Just pay a visit to her here, come to Taiwan for a vacation.
(in permanent exile but dispensing pearls of wisdom from afar)