Ministry to loosen rules on residency

Legal Visa & Residency
1

From today’s Taipei Times. I thought the original stipulations devised in 2002 also stated that people who contributed to democracy, human rights, religion, education, culture, art, economy, medicine, or sports" would be eligible to attain permanent residency – it just didn’t clarify what these exactly were and the government officials didn’t process one.

I tried to get them to grant me PR under the democracy, economy, and education sections in 2004 (I promoted these while working at the TaiwanICDF), but officials at the TaiwanICDF wouldn’t put necessary force on the MOI to facilitate the process. They mentioned to me: not one person was granted PR based on these categories

2

It’s a toss-up whether “contributing to human rights” will get you “permanent residency” or “deported”.

Maybe one day I will get a Nobel Prize for my non-surgical cure for inguinal hernia - then all my residency problems will be solved.

3

[quote=“Juba”]It’s a toss-up whether “contributing to human rights” will get you “permanent residency” or "deported".

Maybe one day I will get a Nobel Prize for my non-surgical cure for inguinal hernia - then all my residency problems will be solved.[/quote]

That is why it always pays to talk out of both ends of your mouth in Taiwan :wink:

4

And the fine print…
[b]Residency will be only granted provided that the candidate;
Section a, clause 1
a) contributes NT$50,000,000 to the Taiwan Govt Xenophobe Fund
b) subjects his/herself to full body cavity search to ensure no minor ailments are present that would defile the otherwise pure Taiwan people
c) denounces all affiliations with home countries
d)stops complaining about corruption, poor civil rights, lack of imposed law, pollution, traffic etc because ‘This is Taiwan’
e) has a full police check conducted from not only the country of origin, but any country that the applicant has set foot in because they may have murdered someone whilst on stopover
f) Stops comparing his/her home country to the ROC
g) If male, stops drinking and womanising and wearing socks with sandals
h) if female, shaves her armpits and stops pointing out that Taiwanese men have small pee pee’s
Section b, clause 2
Foreigners must try to understand chinese culture, which entails
a) refusal to admit responsibility for ones own actions
b) lack of common courtesy, especially whilst driving
c) make every attempt at defrauding, lying , cheating and otherwise deceiving his/her fellow man (especially family)
d) refusal to admit responsibility for ones own actions
e) must understand that foreigners arent as smart asTaiwanese.

Your claim will be processed by a knowledgable, fresh out of college member of the department who understands all the requred documentation and procedural requirements, whatever they may be! Yur application will take approx 5-7 years to process, during which time your current visa may expire so you will need to return to your original country. When you return, your previous tenure here will NOT be recognised so start again!
Good Luck, and welcome to Taiwan.
Naruwan![/b]

5

i) She must also be comfortable wearing the required uniforms for her age. If pregnant, then she shall wear a potato sack like dress. If she is in her twenties, she shall comform to hello kitty and frilly styles. If she is in her thirties and unmarried, she shall look as invisible as possible because she has some sort of defect.

6

Oh my God they’ve got me.

7

[quote=“The Specialist”]And the fine print…
Residency will be only granted provided that the candidate;
Section a, clause 1
a) contributes NT$50,000,000 to the Taiwan Govt Xenophobe Fund
b) subjects his/herself to full body cavity search to ensure no minor ailments are present that would defile the otherwise pure Taiwan people[/quote]

No! You have to write the law the Taiwanese way:

The regulations for residency are as follows:

a) Residency will be only granted provided that the candidate:
b) contributes NT$50,000,000 to the Taiwan Govt Xenophobe Fund;
c) subjects his/herself to full body cavity search to ensure no minor ailments are present that would defile the otherwise pure Taiwan people;
.
.
m) submit to any other requirements the relevant competent authorities deem necessary;
n) this law was amended 95-07-09.

8

Thats in the REALLY fine print ! Muahahahaha

9

You must do what is expected of your age:

25 or under: you must spend all your time studying - even evenings and weekends.
25-65: you must work 8:00am-9:00pm every day for a company where you have to kiss up to the boss for little reward, where you are required to wear a suit and tie despite lack of air conditioning.
25-30: if unmarried, you must marry.
30-35: if childless, you must bear grandchildren for your parents-in-law. You may stop once a son is born.
65 and above: you must cut in front of people in lines.

10

Not much chance of that I suppose, so here I am helping raise Taiwan’s international profile at the United Nations in New York. I’ll be expecting my PR in the mail before too long. Please! Pretty please! Down on my knees please!

← Commie news agency watermark may not work in my favour :s

11

[quote=“Chris”]You must do what is expected of your age:

25 or under: you must spend all your time studying - even evenings and weekends.
25-65: you must work 8:00am-9:00pm every day for a company where you have to kiss up to the boss for little reward, where you are required to wear a suit and tie despite lack of air conditioning.
25-30: if unmarried, you must marry.
30-35: if childless, you must bear grandchildren for your parents-in-law. You may stop once a son is born.
65 and above: you must cut in front of people in lines.[/quote]

This is what it takes to reduce the harm of economic cycles. Recall that Taiwan weathered the 1997-8 crisis only slightly scathed whereas Japan’s financial system collapsed.

I have admit this thread was rambuctious, though. :laughing:

12

[quote=“Chris”][quote=“The Specialist”]And the fine print…
Residency will be only granted provided that the candidate;
Section a, clause 1
a) contributes NT$50,000,000 to the Taiwan Govt Xenophobe Fund
b) subjects his/herself to full body cavity search to ensure no minor ailments are present that would defile the otherwise pure Taiwan people[/quote]

No! You have to write the law the Taiwanese way:

The regulations for residency are as follows:

a) Residency will be only granted provided that the candidate:
b) contributes NT$50,000,000 to the Taiwan Govt Xenophobe Fund;
c) subjects his/herself to full body cavity search to ensure no minor ailments are present that would defile the otherwise pure Taiwan people;
.
.
m) submit to any other requirements the relevant competent authorities deem necessary;
n) this law was amended 95-07-09.[/quote]

o) if the Chinese version of the law differs from the English, the Chinese version will be the official law.

13

Who wears socks with sandals? Why? Is this off topic?

14

No, it’s definately on topic. I wore socks with sandals once just to prove I could do it. Now I can’t apply for an APRC for another five years! It’s all true!

15

Annex B
Amendment to the adjusted addendum.
“Gaining residency and becoming truly Taiwanese”

Clause 1, Article a)
Applicant will:
1)whilst swimming, wear lycra shorts pulled up above the navel and MUST wear a bathing cap and goggles.
2)belch, fart, cough and spit loudly in public but ALWAYS politely cover your mouth whilst using a toothpick.
3) answer cell phone during movies so as not to miss out on where to meet friends for KTV later. Please talk as loudly and for as long as possible. The other patrons can see the movie again or wait til it comes out on DVD. It’s all about YOU, not them!
4)endeavor to take the longest route/short term solution, and otherwise defy natural logic in your decision making progress.
5)teach your children that to drop trash is good, because it gives old people something to do. In particular remember that after your outdoor BBQ, you are expected to just up and leave without taking the trash with you. Thats what other people are for.
6)insist the ‘chabuduo’, or ‘close enough’ is the fabric of our culture. If at first you dont succeed, shrug your shoulders and say so what.
7)asssume that ALL foreigners are English teaching drug crazed losers who want to shag our women
8)endeavour to collect all 7/11/Family Mart/OK collectibles as possible