I had the displeasure of updating my ARC number at Taishin Bank in Taichung.
Upon telling the clerk what I wanted to do I was met with a blank expression and almost visible questionmarks over her head. She then went on to hold a council with her co-workers to establish what she needed to do.
I handed her my bank-book, ARC, passport and bank card. She then went on to compare the information in her PC with the documents handed to her.
“Your ARC number in our PC is different from the on your ARC. Why is that?”
I explained to her, that the number format was changed and thus my request from before to update the information.
A new council was called in and after a short discussion it was decided that the foreigner must in fact speak the truth so they gave me two forms to fill out.
That went quite smoothly and I was getting a slight hope, that I, for once, would be lucky and I could get away without any hassle.
To hasty by far! Another clerk appeared at the counter and gave her another unassuming form.
Enter: FATCA.
“You have to fill out this too. It’s for the American Government. They need to know how much taxes you pay in Taiwan.”
“Why do they need to know that?”
“It’s the law.”
“But alas, I am just but a humble German. I didn’t have any business with the American tax authority.”
“It’s the law. Please write your TIN, and your address here.”
I reckon that doing as told will expedite the whole operation.
“You did a mistake there. You have to write your address in America.”
“I don’t have an address in America.”
“Huh? Why?”
“I’m still not American. I’m German.”
“Then write the German address.”
“I don’t have an address there either.”
“But you’re German?”
“Yes but I live here, in Taiwan.”
Another Council followed. This time attended by the supervisor.
“You can write your Parent’s address.”
“Isn’t that against the law? I mean, I don’t live there and I’m not registered there.”
“Then write your address in Taiwan. You need to write your Americ… German TIN.”
“I’m not sure if I have one.”
Another, more lengthy, Council was held.
“You can write your ARC Number”
Not daring to question the Council’s decision, I diligently wrote my ARC number into the field. Soon after, another clerk appeared in a small puff of smoke:
“The ARC number is of no use for the foreign tax authority! She needs to write the American TIN!”, he exclaimed whilst disappearing in a slightly larger puff of smoke.
“She’s German.”, my Clerk interjected.
The other Clerk stopped disappearing for a moment.
“What?”
“She’s German.”
“Then she needs to write her German TIN”
I began to feel tired.
“I really don’t know if Germany even has those. Maybe I can write my passport number?”, I asked.
“Please wait.” They said.
Another, very lengthy Council followed.
I began to think, that this is Limbo. I had died for sure and now I was forced to endure the same situation again and again, for all eternity. I prayed to God to redeem my poor soul.
“Whaddaya want, Lass?” A voice said next to me. I turned around and my gaze fell upon a smartly dressed figure.
“Who are you?”
“I’m Lucifer.”
“But I prayed to God.”
“The old geezer’s busy. I’m not. My deal is simple: Your soul for a wish granted. Take it or leave it.”
I pondered my situation. “Deal” , I said after a few minutes of silence.
“Good. So what can I do for you?”
“Please make them understand, that this FATCA thing doesn’t apply to me. Make them use their brains.”
He sharply sucked in air between his teeth.
“You sure you don’t want any money? Beauty? Power?”
“No, I just want them to be more flexible.”
“Sorry, Lass.”, He patted me on the shoulder, “Even my powers have their limits. Y’know what, I’ll count this as time served. Best of luck! I believe in you!” He gave me a thumbs up and a weak smile and vanished.
He was right. I could do it!
T.b.c.