My body image in my relationship with Taiwanese boyfriend

[wakethenight]

Sounds like you need yoga.

[ChaZui]

Why yoga of all things?

[Hanna]

@ChaZui

Why yoga of all things?

Yoga ticks all your boxes. Improves posture, balance, flexibility, and muscle strength/endurance.

[ChaZui]

How does yoga improve endurance without cardio?

I guess I find my workout routine more appealing because I already know how to do it and I know I’m checking off all the boxes of the things I want to do.

[Hanna]

@ChaZui

I guess I find my workout routine more appealing because I already know how to do it and I know I’m checking off all the boxes of the things I want to do.

Then don’t change anything.

[tempogain]

It sounds like you may have a preference for people who don’t give you constant shit about your weight. I suggest constantly nudging your partner to align with your preference

[bojack]

I think that if you decide to lose weight (and I agree this should be your decision, not his) then given your situation (apt, can’t cook) then IF is the way to go.

Keep in mind that IF doesn’t mean that you skip calories, it means that you take in those calories at a certain time each day. The point of the timing is it restricts your pancreas from releasing the hormone (insulin) responsible for finding loose calories and storing them in fat cells to once a day, and gives your body a few hours each day to oxidize/burn fat that’s been packed away already.

Everybody’s different. If the meal you can’t skip is breakfast, then don’t skip it. Eat a big one. Eat another meal no more than eight hours later if you must, then stop eating until next morning. That puts your pancreas to sleep insulin-wise and for a few hours before breakfast your body will likely burn fat for its energy needs (you’ll be sleeping so you can see why most IF people skip breakfast, it’s inefficient). Weight loss will take longer, so what.

You sound like a terrific person, btw. I hope this guy is properly impressed by your willingness to make him happy. Just make sure you’re happiest doing that, and don’t hesitate to dump him over this issue. You’re going to be fine without him.

[Safari]

My girlfriend makes the most amazing breakfasts that have helped me lose weight, mostly raw ingredients very little fridge space needed, some like the Chia seed and Oats are best prepared in milk or water and left overnight.
She shows every day on Instagram if you use it.
instagram: le_petit_dejunere

[BHL4life]

if you are a westerner, mocking each other for being fat is not normal for us. so why don’t you tell him where to go?
every girl i’ve met here tells me to shave. i told them all where to go! i could care less that every taiwanese guy is clean shaven. they also don’t shave their dick, should i do that too?

now heres the reason your bf is telling you this, you said you are 60kg. the standard here is 50kg. if you are above this weight you are considered fatter than the ideal. and you will be mocked for it.

[olm]

What age group are you two?

I’m very impressed with your openness, wanting to understand and willingness to find ways. Super mature.

I guess it could be best to (at the same time) tell him why the way he mentions this makes you feel uncomfortable and how it’s much harder for you to do something like this than it is for super-fit Asian him, and try to find out if there’s a way to fulfill his wish that you are comfortable with. Maybe even just acknowledging his wish helps make him mention it less? Maybe you can channel his bit of nagging into being supportive and helpful?

I’m not impressed with several people here immediately insisting to dump the BF. Yes, if he consistently was an asshole about this, shaming you or anything like that, and NOT reacting to you asking him to stop, then such radical solutions might be necessary. From your description, it’s far from that.

The idea that this has a bit of a cultural component doesn’t seem too far off. People here often are very open (read: rude) about pointing out bodily flaws. It sucks, it’s degrading, it’s inappropriate. If he’s open enough, he’ll learn it’s a no-no in your culture, and most importantly for you.

[BHL4life]

@Explant

Taiwanese will often judge image. It is easier to take it as nothing even though it is annoying as all fuck. Be itntoo fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too light or too dark. It is often just a cultural norm to comment on something. Frankly it is often as a negative in a passive aggressive way, but people here tend not to realize what they are saying as such. And by proxy, it is not meant to be intentially hurtfull so much as selfishly trying to assert some kind of dominance.

its one of the stupidest parts about chinese culture.
one of my friends had a girl tell him, on the first date. you don’t dress well. not like a gentleman. lets go to zara and choose some better clothes for you. how could they ever think that would work out well?

[olm]

@BHL4life

lets go to zara and choose some better clothes for you. how could they ever think that would work out well?

Huh? A girl buying me Zara clothes on the first date would not be a bad start

[crusher]

One of those threads screaming “Dont click and get involved”

[crusher]

@BHL4life

@Explant

Taiwanese will often judge image. It is easier to take it as nothing even though it is annoying as all fuck. Be itntoo fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too light or too dark. It is often just a cultural norm to comment on something. Frankly it is often as a negative in a passive aggressive way, but people here tend not to realize what they are saying as such. And by proxy, it is not meant to be intentially hurtfull so much as selfishly trying to assert some kind of dominance.

its one of the stupidest parts about chinese culture.
one of my friends had a girl tell him, on the first date. you don’t dress well. not like a gentleman. lets go to zara and choose some better clothes for you. how could they ever think that would work out well?

Do men buy clothes in Zara ?

[BHL4life]

i don’t think she was offering to pay…

[tempogain]

Yep

[IbisWtf]

We all know the right way to handle this:

“I wish you’d lose some weight”
“Yeah, well I wish you had a longer tool”

[Aikaili]

The food does look beautiful and very nutritious.

[Safari]

When I had a spare tyre, my Asian girlfriend was always grabbing it and laughing! I know She meant no hurt but of course I was un comfortable with it.
Now other way round I don’t do it to Her, different culture we both have to try to addapt to each other or it’s a no go, we both found it difficult and still do.
May try and explain this to him and let him know gives some pain.

[Aikaili]

I went out with a few guys like this. Maybe he wants to feel better about himself so he’s criticizing you? Or he has trouble saying something nice?
Either way, I’d run for the hills.