Well, just a casual post to share what is happening lately…every week I hear some friends and family talking about their children’s “gay” problem. They are currently trying to pressure their possibly gay children into dating members of the opposite sex or simply staying away from their “too close for comfort” same sex friends.
I am not gay but had known a few gays back in states including a close friend. I hung out with my friend at gay bars every weekend for a year. I am no expert but from what they tell me I think they are really overreacting. I have met all the people mentioned below and actually I don’t think any of them are actually gay. I think in the first case below some “experimenting” might be taking place but I don’t think she is gay.
What worries me is my friends share their cases with each other which only heightens their worrying about their kids. And they honestly think that their kids will become gay ONLY because they have gay friends luring them in that direction. The situation is not so healthy. Unfortunately, as is the usual case her the parents and children cannot just openly talk about what is happening.
Here is the results:
female cousin (age 25)
The big news was she was gay as reported by her mother to family members. The reason she was becoming gay was that she was hurt in previous relationship and become distrustful of men. The last straw for family was her taking overseas vacation with her female friend and seemingly accepting the gay direction. Very worried daughter will be tainted by this relationship.
Family action: pressured by extremely traditional Nantou family to find boyfriend.
Result: new boyfriend, family happy they solved the problem
friend’s daughter (age 20)
Similar to above. Daughter hurt in previous man relationship so was hanging out with a girl. Mother thinks the relationship is too close for comfort. Daughter’s sister supporting her big sister saying “she seems happier now so I support her.”
Family action: pressuring daughter to find boyfriend
Result: to early to tell
friend’s daughter (age 24)
Daughter’s friend appears to be gay and likes to hang out with the daughter too much. Father worried his daughter will become gay by this friendship.
Family action: pressured to stop seeing friend.
Result: married to man
friend’s son (age 15)
Father worried his son might turn gay due to the less than masculine group of boys his son hangs out with. Says the school is full of non-masculine boys and very unladylike girls.
Family action: Father pushing son to find girlfriend.
Result: too early to tell
I think you may be right though; your friends and family are probably reading into things way too much (and again: not that there’s a problem in the first place). Seems to me like it isn’t that uncommon for young Taiwanese women to experiment with other women after being hurt by a man in a relationship, but not necessarily in a lascivious way. I’ve met more than a few lesbian couples who are more like BFFs than romantically-involved partners, usually because an active/butch woman snared a passive/experimenting-but-not-really gay femme woman. Can’t say I’ve seen the same in men but I don’t have as many male Taiwanese acquaintances (and the gay-seeming ones are usually just plain gay without reservation). I wouldn’t read into these things too closely… but then again I don’t stress out about continuing my lineage or whatever it is causing your friends and family to pry and meddle.
With all the talk between family and friends they are just making themselves worry even more. I have laughed at them a little when they start talking about this as my opinion is if their kid is gay then there is nothing they can do about it…and having a close gay friend is not going to pull them over to the dark side. They are now asking my opinion less and less.
I am now chalking this up to the over protective nature which is so prevalent here and among our friends. The kids simply cannot confront any issue without the parent stepping in and making the decision. And by the way, the decision is “you cannot be gay so get a boy/girl friend.” :no-no:
I mean if the parents don’t let the kids walk over the 7/11 until they are 16 years old or spend 5 minutes at home by themselves…by age 20 do you think they can decide whether to be gay or not?
In other news I’m worried that my (future) children will grow up to have curly hair. I know that many people today believe it’s not a choice not to have straight hair, but that doesn’t make it any less unnatural. Whenever I have kids, I’m going to take them to a bunch of hair specialists to make sure their hair is straight and normal. If it’s not, I’ll have to choose either straightening it through hair therapy or lopping it off all together and telling them they should be ashamed of it. This is the best way to make sure that my kids, and by extension me, are all normal.
Allow me to offer my services as a Gay Conversion Therapist. Here’s how it works: parents drag their gay kids to therapy. I assure them that homosexuality can be cured / exorcised / whatever, through my special patented procedure. Then I have a word with the kid in private. Kid then tells parents “Glory be, it worked, hooray, my gay desires are gone…as long as I attend regular counseling sessions.” Parents go home happy. “Counseling” sessions are parties. All is well for a few years until they graduate / get caught / whatever.
I thought this was humorous at first (yeah, take that hateful parents!) but then started thinking about it really seriously (even though, I know, it’s a joke) and decided I don’t like the idea at all. If I don’t have to hide my straightness, a gay person shouldn’t have to hide his/her gayness. Forget the haters, it’s time for social upheaval.
Well, the GCT (Gay Conversion Therapist) method keeps everyone happy for awhile. Not all gays I met wanted to openly display their affections…yes, seems there are shy gays. Meanwhile, even some straight couples need a method to keep the parents off their backs. I have heard quite a few cases of people here who would love to find a method to keep the parents from meddling in their love life.
The world is full of discrimination. Gays will slowly be accepted here…especially when so many other problems to worry about instead.
Gay or not… I believe the problem is that people don’t know any more how to connect with each other.
There is a good -and scary- article about that in Taipei Times:
A surprising 60.3 percent of preteens who took part in a recent survey said they have trouble making friends and do not know how to get along with others, a poll released on Monday that sheds light on the social habits of Taiwanese elementary and junior-high students showed.
Yes, does seem to be quite a few kids who don’t connect well with others. Of course, we all had similar trouble growing up but I wonder when some kids have time to actual mingle with other kids except in school and at cram schools. And the parents I know are so suspicious of outside activities they often tag along (even is school event)…the poor kids must be embarrassed that their parents are tagging along with them to other cities. If my parents did that to me I would have been bullied constantly by the older kids at school.
The kids I know are so controlled by their parents they might as well let their parents choose their friends for them…just would save time.
That’s actually true, and parents should be aware of that. If they don’t want their child to commit suicide, they should support them instead of trying to “cure” them.
And if they worry about the “end of the familly”, they should go support same-sex wedding, so their child could raise children and have a familly, weither they are gay or not…
For the cases I mentioned here are the reasons the family is getting involved (from what I can pick up from conversations) to influence their child’s choices:
Family will lose face.
Thinks daughter is not gay, so why be influenced to become gay?
Gay is not good.
Gay tendencies are confusing and thus not good if you are not gay.
[quote=“Flakman”]For the cases I mentioned here are the reasons the family is getting involved (from what I can pick up from conversations) to influence their child’s choices:
Family will lose face.
Thinks daughter is not gay, so why be influenced to become gay?
Gay is not good.
Gay tendencies are confusing and thus not good if you are not gay.[/quote]
Well obviously the problem is not the children, it’s the parents.
And there is no “influence” to become gay. You are or you are not (I am gay but I grew up in the country side with a familly of farmer and driver of trunk where “gay” was not even a word the knew ^^).
This is a combination of the family not wanting to lose face and the standard parents worry about everything regarding their kids. Two families seem to not have anything specific against gays…they just worry about any possible problems facing their kids. For other two families I think is really a case of parents know nothing about gays and don’t want to.
But by interesting contrast, it is surprising how many openly lesbian young women you see on the MRT and streets of Taipei. Given the way they dress and style their hair, it is hard to imagine that they are concealing there sexuality from their family. One must conclude that their parents are either cool with it or that they live in constant conflict with them.
