I’m good friends with a married Taiwanese couple and I really feel like a part of their family now. The husband and I get on pretty well and the wife is like my surrogate big sister.
The husband’s mother recently came to stay with them for Chinese New Year and much as I tried to like her, I couldn’t help think that she was a xenophobic old Taiwanese cow. Within ten minutes of meeting her she was spouting a rabid diatribe about those f’in dirty Hakkas and her other son who is bad and never prays and telling me to get myself a nice compliant Japanese wife. She was amazed that I - a man, no less - did my own washing and kept my own house clean. I made my excuses and walked away when she started on my pet peeve of pressuring me to go to church.
Anyhow… this afternoon I came back from dinner and she was lurking around, waiting to offload some thoughts about her daughter-in-law. Apparently she’s a ‘dirty whore with no love in her heart’ and raised a disobedient daughter. She’s ‘dirty’ because she doesn’t follow her husband around with a mop and bucket and a ‘whore’ because she smokes. Her husband smokes too but I guess that’s fine. This old bag was literally spitting Taiwanese obscenities such that you’d think she was talking about the devil himself.
For the first time in my life I was speechless, said ‘hmm’ a few times then said I had to go to work. I felt pretty hurt because this woman has done so much to help me and is a wonderful wife and mother. They have the sweetest, brightest little five year old and quite frankly I’m secretly pleased that she’s rude to her witch of a grandmother. I bet she’s been whispering in her son’s ear and I don’t like the thought of an evil old woman trying to put an oar in their relationship because she doesn’t like people from Taipei or whatever. Of course I wouldn’t tell my friend what she said but I thought about raising the matter privately in a roundabout way in case she’s been harrassed over the past few weeks and wanted to talk about it. What would YOU do?
First off, congrats if your chinese is that good :bravo: . And if you’ve learned a few TWese swear words, then damm you’re good.
I would stay out of it, wouldn’t mention it to either one of your friends IMHO because I’ve always had the idea that no matter how well or close you are to the TWese you will ‘always’ be an outsider, if you aren’t asian yourself. I’m certain that granny wasn’t always good when the daughter came into the picture, so she probably already knows how granny can be.
Either way you choose to go, best of luck. I’m sure that the married folks on here will give much better advice.
Obviously I’m not going to swan over and say, ‘well, that’s one bitch of a mother-in-law you’ve got. Tea?’ I’ve always brazenly ignored the ‘you’re always an outsider’ thing and will continue to do so, but I think this is a matter of social etiquette that goes beyond any cultural barrier.
I guess I really just don’t want her coming to my house and spouting shit like this because it upsets me and I find it distasteful. If this was a neighbour and not her mother-in-law I would have told her to f*** off and get off my lawn. As it is I feel caught between a rock and a hard place.
Still, she’s old and frail and 110% superstitious. Here’s hoping someone tells her that eating poisonous cows’ willies is the surefire cure for arthritis.
The moral of the story: learning Chinese isn’t worth the bother.
[quote=“Namahottie”]First off, congrats if your Chinese is that good :bravo: . And if you’ve learned a few TWese swear words, then damm you’re good.
I would stay out of it, wouldn’t mention it to either one of your friends IMHO because I’ve always had the idea that no matter how well or close you are to the TWese you will ‘always’ be an outsider, if you aren’t Asian yourself. I’m certain that granny wasn’t always good when the daughter came into the picture, so she probably already knows how granny can be.
Either way you choose to go, best of luck. I’m sure that the married folks on here will give much better advice.
She certainly sounds like a daft old cow, but I’d have to agree that your friend probably is aware of her feelings.
Personally, I’d talk to my friend privately and discreetly. Not to give advice, but to offer a willing ear if that’s what she wants. Other than that I’d stay out of it and avoid the old woman like the plague.
Man. I read shit like this. My sister in laws are some lucky things. Even when my oldest brother married a horrible drunk gold digger my mother went out of her way to make the girl family. (Thank God she didn’t last long…)
Your female friend likely DOES need your ear. I would just tell her how much respect you have for her and how well she seems to handle it. That is the best way to help in a situation like that.
That was my main concern… I think I’ll just bring it up in a joking, ‘blimey, she’s a handful eh?’ kind of way and if she wants to talk about it she’ll talk.
Fortunately I’m normally out until very late and don’t run into the old bat much.
[quote=“SuchAFob”]Man. I read shit like this. My sister in laws are some lucky things. Even when my oldest brother married a horrible drunk gold digger my mother went out of her way to make the girl family. (Thank God she didn’t last long…)
Your female friend likely DOES need your ear. I would just tell her how much respect you have for her and how well she seems to handle it. That is the best way to help in a situation like that.[/quote]
if your chinese is that good :bravo: . And if you’ve learned a few TWese swear words, then damm you’re good. 
