I am a registered member but wish to sign in with an alias to protect my identity
Anyway here is the story. What I really want is advice or a person to give me direction or a contact for some professional
It all began a two of years ago. One day I was talking and bitching about something. My temper rose up and suddenly I got this feeling of being dizzy and that I could not breath. I was at home at the time but was returning back to Taiwan three weeks later, so I never took the time to check it out at home as I thought it was nothing
Back in Taiwan three months later, I was in the night market full of people, people pushing here there and into me. I hate this, I got so angry inside again that I felt like I was going to explode or pass out or go crazy or somethingā¦ this really intense feeling came over meā¦ hard to describe but like confusion accompanied with short breath and a racing heart
I am by nature a highly strung person and sort of said to myself āit was just the situation maybe with the noise and lights and people and me being a country boy. I must have got a little panickyā. I was in the night market before and this feeling never happenedā¦ so on I went after convincing my self it was nothing
Three months later on the plane to LA, I was sitting in a window seat. To be honest I loved flying and the feeling of taking offā¦ I had always pictured it as Star Trek and when they go to warp drive. When the plane was hurtling down the runway, I felt scaredā¦not scared of the speedā¦ It just felt like my body froze up and just fearā¦ and every bump when taking off ā¦ I struggled to get my br
After a while I calmed down, read a book and got distracted by the food and the book.
However anytime after that that I fly I get the same feeling. I do not now like flying. I look at the odds for crashing or dying and they are tiny. There is more chance of being killed being on the back of a scooter
Even now when sometimes talking to peopleā¦ I get panickyā¦ I get all defensiveā¦ fold my armsā¦ constantly change my seating positionā¦ and sound jittering when I speakā¦ and a panicky person knows it tends to snowballā¦
I do not think about it alot of the timeā¦ but sometimes I when I do it pisses me offā¦ I was also a strong I would even say loud mouthed personā¦ but I lost the nerve in certain situations as sometimes I are not assertive ā¦ I just appear angryā¦ and tend to not be able to get the thoughts together correctly to be coherent
This does not help either in my current job working for an OEM companyā¦ speaking Chinese to people in the office is okā¦ but when I need to meet with foreign customers and give presentations etcā¦ I some times thinkā¦ I am going to freak out else bumble over somethingā¦ but this never happened to a point whereby the presentation or meeting got screwed up
I have not had a holidayā¦ as in sit on the beach and relax for about 4 yearsā¦ I had weekends alright but then I was back the next Mondayā¦ our company has got some big contracts in Europe so I am always going and busyā¦ only think is though that I have on occasions manipulated pans to have meetings with customers in Taiwan rather than in Germany or Italy so I would not have to fly there.
My girlfriend is not Taiwanese so there is no language barrierā¦however I am a very personal and reservedā¦ so sometimes it is difficult to talk to her about thisā¦ in addition I do not want her to worry too much
Anyway enough of the examplesā¦ but you get the ideaā¦ so my question is am I going crazyā¦ is my career overā¦ can I get some help