Displayed, how?[/quote]
Like packets of c-notes put on a tray with the other jewelry.
I didn’t have to pay a bride-price, but the man who married by wife’s older sister awhile back did. (Their father is waishengren, mother Taiwanese.) Mrs. Jesus insisted on the cookies–and wouldn’t hear of my great idea of recycling other people’s boxes–but oh well, if it’s important to her I figure she’s entitled.
Tacky? Well yeah, but there’s no getting away from tackiness at a Chinese wedding. Best to cultivate an appreciation for the fine art of tackiness. (Come to think of it, Western weddings have been known to go overboard too now and then…) For instance, count how many cartoon characters show up somewhere (we had lots on balloons), or analyze the profound philosophies of love on the wedding cookie boxes. (In the Church of the SubGenius we call this “bulldada” and consider it to express the divine word of “Bob”.)
I would say that the basic premise of weddings is different. Western weddings are about making vows before witnesses, under the supervision of some authority figure. The atmosphere is supposed to be solemn–people march in lockstep, everybody quiet, stuff like that. If there is a party or reception, that’s extra and not really required. But Chinese weddings are about hosting guests, as a sign that the couple has married. We had a kind of ceremony too (which neither of us knew what would be in it until it happened). It was more of a close family thing, but still boistrous, with kids-in-law running around. Oh yeah! And then two weeks later, we popped 'round to the city government and filled out some forms which made everything really official! (If I had balked at signing, I wonder what would have happened? Heh heh…)
Apparently the dowry “tradition” is a benshengren practice. :raspberry:[/quote]
Again, it’s also a waishengren pratice if the waishengren family is from southern China. This practice is definitely standard operating procedure in Cantonese speaking areas as well as Fujian.
Frank,
I’m getting hitched soon and have had to go through this. What we ended up doing was this:
We are getting married in Melbourne in March - I am covering all the expenses for this wedding. Because I am paying for the ceremony here, her family have agreed to ‘see’ a dowry. We are going to rent gold in Taipei and present them with a cheque - which will be torn up at the end of the day. I was very surprised to discover you could rent gold.
Because we no longer live in Taiwan, getting hold of a large sum of cash would be difficult so they agreed to an offical-looking document i.e. a cheque from my Aussie cheque book 
I was really unhappy with this face-making exercise, but I can see now that it has actually saved me a lot of hassle.
L.
I think it’s worth pointing out that a “dowry” is money or property provided by the bride’s family when she gets married, while the usual term for what goes the other way is “bride price”.
“bride price” sounds even worse!
Omni - you’ve seen a picture of my intended…maybe they should be paying me to take her away. Hahahahahaha, only joking.
“bride price” sounds even worse!
Omni - you’ve seen a picture of my intended…maybe they should be paying me to take her away. Hahahahahaha, only joking.
“Bride price” does sound awful, doesn’t it! There really ought to be an alternative term, as neutral as “dowry”, that doesn’t suggest some kind of buying and selling transaction.
All the best with the nuptials, Limey. Maybe we can get the hiker gang together for a walk in the hills while you’re back for the ceremonial stuff on this side of the pond.
[quote=“Omniloquacious”]
All the best with the nuptials, Limey. Maybe we can get the hiker gang together for a walk in the hills while you’re back for the ceremonial stuff on this side of the pond.[/quote]
Yes, that’d be great. My family are joining us - it would be lovely to get my dad out of the city.
Well aren’t you lucky little bastards, having such nice in-laws. My wife’s parents boycotted the wedding. They didn’t want her marrying an American because, as her father said to her on the phone the night before the wedding, “Americans always get divorced within two years.”
At least I never had to deal with the typical Chinese in-law antics at my wedding.
Did I mention my wife and I will be celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary in a few months? 
I think I am entitled to a little shadenfreude while daddy-in-law eats his words.
I didn’t have to do the dowry thing, mainly because my father in law is pretty cool about money and just cared about how I would treat his daughter. He ended up paying for the entire ceremony, cookies, invites, everthing, so he got all the hongbaos back. Ended up getting around 2.5 million NT which covered the costs and gave him a couple extra thousand on the side. He said he wanted to pay for everything so that we wouldn’t have to worry about paying back so much money to our guests if any of them got married soon.
The only down side was we had to go with the traditional street wedding ceremony because that’s what he thought was appropriate…which included a stripper…
[quote=“rob_the_canuck”]I didn’t have to do the dowry thing, mainly because my father in law is pretty cool about money and just cared about how I would treat his daughter. He ended up paying for the entire ceremony, cookies, invites, everthing, so he got all the hongbaos back. Ended up getting around 2.5 million NT which covered the costs and gave him a couple extra thousand on the side. He said he wanted to pay for everything so that we wouldn’t have to worry about paying back so much money to our guests if any of them got married soon.
The only down side was we had to go with the traditional street wedding ceremony because that’s what he thought was appropriate…which included a stripper…[/quote]
pretty nice gig , and of course you tried not to look at the stripper. of course
Well, as it was my wedding day, I sat with my back to the stage. Didn’t help any that my best man/best mate gave me a running commentary on the stripping and stripper’s physique.
haha… I remembered this when marrying my wife. It was such a BIG DEAL!!! We had a traditional wedding in Taiwan (wife wanted traditional wedding). So dowry was rather important and sensitive issue. Not enough money she would loose face. I was told the money would be returned … but i’ve still never seen it… wife kept it. lol…
A friend of mine handed over a fat cheque to his mother in law. The catch was that it was an Australian bank cheque with the amount written in long numeral form Chinese. He claims the Australian bank would never honour it, even if they worked out what was written. I’m not so sure I agree. Still, it was basically a formality, not a requisite.
The negotiations in Thailand where thay also have this custom can be obscene in the extreme as piss poor hicks salivate over their potential new found furtune. Fortunately with Ms Huang’s folks both dead and the rels insignificant, I’m immune.
HG
I’ll say it covered the costs. Are you sure about that figure? How many thousands of guests did you have?
[quote=“Limey”][quote=“Omniloquacious”]
All the best with the nuptials, Limey. Maybe we can get the hiker gang together for a walk in the hills while you’re back for the ceremonial stuff on this side of the pond.[/quote]
Yes, that’d be great. My family are joining us - it would be lovely to get my dad out of the city.[/quote]
Maybe we can all do Wuliao Jian. When Bu Lai En’s father came for his wedding I took him up for a hike. He was about 70 I think and managed it all right but I did realize pretty soon into the hike that I probably should have taken him somewhere a little easier.
Anyway, all the best to you and the misses, Limey.
I’ll say it covered the costs. Are you sure about that figure? How many thousands of guests did you have?[/quote]
We had between 200 and 250 guests IIRC…but her dad was in politics and we had some of the local heavy weights attending our wedding, like the former Mayor (then current) of Sinjhuang and the County Commissioner so some of the hongbaos were pretty damn fat. I was pretty shocked at the amount of money he got too!
There was talk about the hong bao before our wedding. I made it clear to my wife that it wouldn’t be paid/coughed up, no matter how “traditional” her Nantou family was. Didn’t have to do it.
well i guess its better then rounding up a couple of cattle or sheep or pigs in some cultures??