Is there anyone else here who came to Taiwan with a non-Taiwanese boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife? I’m especially interested in hearing from couples where one person got offered work here and the other came along, but would be happy to hear from any foreigner-foreigner couples. It seems a lot of people arrived single and married a local since a lot of advice is based upon the assumption that you can just go ask your partner to solve any and all problems you have with language and culture. So I would love to hear from those in a situation more similar to ours (i.e. not with a partner to lead you through life here and teach you all there is to know in Taiwan). Anyone out there? 
I met a German couple two weeks ago. He was sent from his company back in Germany to stay in Taiwan for one year and she is here to learn Chinese (no working permit). They are pretty happy and to have one year for intensive Chinese study must be cool.
I came here with my English girlfriend, neither of us speaking a word of Mandarin. Initially we solicited a lot of help from my new colleagues, and soon also the family of a private student I had were also treating us as their own. Once my girlfriend and I went our separate ways, I threw myself into learning everyday Chinese, partly so I wouldn’t have to be so dependent on other people.
As far as “knowledge of Taiwan” goes, I read an awful lot. My Lonely Planet was so oft-thumbed that it pretty much fell apart (no reinforced stitching is a match for a year in my company). I also read practically everything else I could find about Taiwan in English. Didn’t really use the web much in those days, but for newbies now there are a lot more resources around (including this forum).
I know hundreds of expat families here…
None of them post on forumosa and I doubt they want to make this place a blog of their private lives. Pretty much all of them come with one partner posted here and the other following, inluding quite a few gents who have followed their woman. House husbandry abounds lol
My wife and I (both crackers from the US) got here about 4 months ago.
Not too many like us (relatively speaking) though I have met 1 cpl who arrived here together and met a few who met here.
The “figuring shit out” is quite difficult since we are both FOB’s.
We’re here as a non-Chinese-speaking married couple. We’ve had some help from parents at our son’s school but I think we coild have managed without it. So many people here speak English, plus I’ve been learning Chinese. The main disadvantage of not speaking Chinese is that you pay ‘idiot tax’ as my husband calls it. Let’s face it, most questions can be solved by the internet these days.
I’ll do this one worse. I arrived here with a Taiwanese ex-girlfriend who had come back to her home country. I patched it up, worked some things out, and…she’s my ex-girlfriend again.
My husband and I are both Americans. His job in the US sent him here for a few years, I moved here with him. He’s white and is fluent in Chinese to the point where if you spoke to him on the phone, you would have no idea he was white until you met him. I’m Asian and can only speak English. Due to my upbringing and environment (the town where I lived had literally two Asian people and I was one of them), I’ve never really been exposed to any type of Asian culture.
He’s having a grand ol’ time here, since he has a good job and speaks the language. He’s adjusted to life very well here, having more knowledge of Asian culture than I do. This is my first time ever outside the US, and I admit that I’m having a hard time adjusting to the huge culture shock and constant homesickness. I miss my friends and family a lot.
- Finding a good apartment to rent proved to be stressful and frustrating - some agents just didn’t feel like dealing with foreigners. Also, it was strange having to go through an agent just to rent a place. And I learned quickly that dishwashers, garbage disposals, washing machines, dryers, ovens, and microwaves are not staples in apartments like they are back home. Not having a garbage disposal is probably the worst - I never appreciated how useful they were until I didn’t have one!
- Everywhere we go, people automatically look at me and speak to me. Even when my husband responds, they continue to talk to me instead of him. Understandable, since I look like I should be able to speak Chinese. I’m trying to learn, though. I’m slowly but surely picking up more words here and there. It’s hard, and it gets lonely sometimes. Back home I’m so used to striking up conversations with strangers like cashiers, the mailman, and people standing in line next to me, but here all I can do is smile at everyone. It’s frustrating not being able to talk! I’ve attempted to converse with some people, but they either can’t speak English, give me a weird look like “why are you talking to me?”, or smile politely and that’s it.
- It’s hard finding things that are common back home. For example: Greek yogurt, a decent selection of cheeses in the grocery stores, peppermint candy canes, certain spices, etc etc.
- Being unable to read Chinese also makes it difficult when going shopping, especially grocery shopping. For example: nutrition labels, wondering whether the beef I’m buying is grass or grain fed, is this milk fortified, etc.
Although I guess it’s the same when you move to any country, though. You don’t know where to find anything until you’ve lived there for awhile and learn where to find certain things. You gradually learn the language, and then are able to hold conversations with the locals and learn about their culture.
Living here has definitely given me a new perspective. I’m finding so many things that I used to take for granted back home. I’m learning how to communicate with people when there’s a language barrier, and I’m trying new foods. Dim sum and soup dumplings? So delicious. How have I lived all this time without being aware of their existence?
Nice post Funktofunky.
I am like your husband in that people who speak with me on the phone don’t realize I was born a foreigner.
My son was born and raised here but is up from Australia on summer holidays ( finished 1st eyar of Uni ) and hes mixed ( local mom ) but looks 85% local. His gf was born and raised in Australia but her parents are from China. Yet she doesn’t speak much Chinese at all. Also she cannot read it and it’s her first time here. Only a vacation so she’s having fun being here.
If you have time I suggest maybe you enrol in a Chinese class at one of the universities. Will help a lot. Yep people do tend to look at an Ethnically Asian person and assume they speak Chinese. Lots of Asians here get that all the time and for many they don’t speak Chinese. All in all though this is a safe friendly place to be in. Give it a bit of time and you will settle in, but learning Chinese is really useful even though a lot of people here speak English.
Welcome to my island.
Don’t worry, we’re out here! My boyfriend and I arrived here together from the States in November. We wanted something new and exciting to do, so we ended up here as English teachers. It’s really frustrating at times because neither of us speaks a word of Chinese. I’m shy and anxious about almost everything I do and very self-conscious (mainly because of the stares!). I am just now getting up the courage to go into shops and look at things by myself. I still need new eyeglasses and a haircut, and I pass a dozen places for those things every day, but I am absolutely too afraid to go into any of them. I know a lot of people speak English and that the Taiwanese are incredibly friendly, but I’m just too scared. My boyfriend helps a lot, meaning he will have the courage to do something that I don’t, but I do envy the Westerners who have Taiwanese significant others to “show them the ropes”. It’s really frustrating right now, but we’ve only been here for 2 1/2 months, so hopefully things will get better. They can’t get any worse, right? Glad to know we’re not an anomaly…
When I was growing up in Taipei and at the Department stores , the clerks will speak to me in mandarin and i would have to say to them in Taiwanese. Please speak to me in Taiwanese or English because I cant understand mandarin. Got a few laughs out of that.
For all you newbies, welcome and things will get better. The island will become less foreign to you in time. And in fact, in time, you will feel foreign back in your own country.
Hi Stephanie!
Things will get better, but you can help them along in lots of ways. Do you have time to attend some classes or get a language exchange partner? Just learning a little bit of Chinese may not always make interactions easier but it will improve your confidence. I know very, very little and I have to be honest and say that it isn’t the easiest language to learn, but then generally people are very encouraging if you make the slightest effort.
Something else you can do is set yourself goals - e.g. by the end of this week I will have got my hair cut (my advice is to look at the Where Can I Find board and go to one of the hairdressers on there that you know can speak English - or probably any hairdresser in Tianmu). Achieving those goals will make you realise that it is possible to do most things here even with no Chinese at all.
Also, reason with yourself over your fear. What are you scared of, exactly? The worst thing that can happen is that you don’t get what you wanted and that you look stupid. Well, you don’t have to go back to that place again. It’s easily said, I know, but worth trying.
If an opportunity arises to make a Taiwanese friend, take it. Many people here will be happy to hang out with you because they can practice their English. That’s fine, your benefit is that you can ask for their help with things.
It can be very hard coming to live in another country, especially one that’s very different from your own, so just being here is a huge step - congratulate yourself for that, and don’t forget that the people at Forumosa will always be here to help you too.
Oh my, I have the exact same story, but I’m now very happy that that relationship ended, 'cause I met the most wonderful girl while in Taiwan :discodance: and we’re now been togethwer for more thana year. We’re both foreign researcher in Taipei (Nanomedicine for her, Nanophotonics for me) and therefore fall in the “fully non-Taiwanese couple” category.
Interesting topic. I arrived in Taiwan in 2005 with my husband for his job. He is Chinese (from Asia, not Taiwan or China) and emigrated to the US when he was 14. He speaks Chinese and has become more fluent after being here all these years. My mother is Japanese so I look Asian enough that I am sometimes mistaken for Taiwanese. My Mandarin is sadly lacking, primarily because I have depended on my husband and also because my friends are mostly Japanese speakers.
FunktoFunky’s post resonated with me. The issue of dependency in a relationship is magnified here when one person is fluent and can navigate through Taiwan easier than the other. I studied Mandarin, but found that when my husband and I were socializing with Taiwanese, my contribution to conversations was similar to what a two year old might offer. To have friendships of any substance, it is easier for me to talk with native English or Japanese speakers.
Also if one spouse is working and out in society, the non-working spouse is left to fend for him(her)self. The working spouse has a purpose from day one while the accompanying spouse has to find a purpose. I had no problem with this when I lived in Taipei because it is such an easy city to get around and there is so much to do.
Another issue that has come up time and time again is that the working waiguoren is especially attractive to xiao jie with whom he works. I know many, many women whose husbands have had affairs with Taiwanese women they met at work. Xiao jie can be persistent and aggressive, quite sure of themselves. In contrast the wife may be floundering and may seem demanding or needy.
This is one of my main frustrations. I’m a very talkative person. Here, I’ve been feeling very suppressed, because I’m unable to contribute to any conversations. It’s not a very good feeling. I hate just nodding and smiling like an idiot, not being able to say anything or share my opinions.
Fortunately, I’m not worried at all about my husband having an affair here. Even though I know a lot of girls find him attractive, I’m very confident in our relationship and myself. If he ever did, well then he’d be a fucking idiot. But he’s just not that kind of person, and neither am I. We have a “we’re in this together” mentality, and he realizes that I sacrificed a lot to move here for him. I’m lucky to have someone like him. I don’t buy into the “girls in this country or that country make men more susceptible to cheating” bullshit. If a guy cheats overseas, he’ll cheat at home too. It’s not the situation, it’s the kind of person he is.
As to finding things to do, I’ve thrown myself into working out and cooking while I send out my resume for jobs in my field. I go out to lunch / dinner by myself sometimes, but I find that for some reason it feels a lot lonelier here than if I were to do the same back home. I went from being constantly busy 24/7 back home to constantly having free time here, and at first it was nice to just relax but now I’m going crazy with nothing to do.
This is exactly how I felt and still kind of feel! Before, everyday things like going to the grocery store or shopping required no second thoughts. Now, I feel a kind of anxiety I’ve never felt before, and I don’t like it. I’ve never experienced anything like this before, being afraid of people not understanding me. And it’s a lot more frustrating when I respond in English and they still continue to speak in Chinese to me, because I look Asian. It’s gotten better though, and I’ve been going out by myself more and more these days. Still super lonely doing things by yourself, though.
Thank you to everyone who replied. It’s really nice to know we’re not the only ones.
FunktoFunky and Carola - Both of your posts resonated with me. My husband got invited to work over here and I tagged along. I’m half East Asian, half White, so I often get people trying to talk to me (especially when I’m with my White husband) and I feel like such a twit when I don’t understand! I can read a number of the characters from studying Japanese in the past, but I’m only just beginning to learn Mandarin. This also leads to me feeling somewhat nervous to go do things that involve interacting with people until I know enough to hold a simple conversation. Then at least I don’t feel like an idiot. What makes it worse is I already had some social anxiety and not being able to communicate aggravates it. When we lived in other non-English-speaking countries it was easy to communicate with gestures, but here I feel as if gesturing does absolutely nothing. Unless you’re just pointing at something you want to buy, I’ve found it doesn’t help a lot.
I do have some work, but it’s very small, part-time and working from home. I’ve been searching for more with no luck. It’s quite lonely. If I could speak the language and make some friends, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. It also means I am dependent upon my husband, so people can tell me to go out and have fun and go shopping, but I don’t feel right doing that. Especially when we’re a lot poorer here than we were back in Europe.