I fluctuate. Within the hour. I don’t know why. I just wish I was one or the other. It would make life so much easier. Should I check in to rehab?
No. You are self-medicating for a reason.
What’s the back story?
Yes I guess I am. And yes, there is a back story. You’re very astute Buttercup. Thanks.
Sounds optimistic to me. Maybe it would make life that much harder.
Buttercup’s rules for sanity
(a) they really are all bitches/bastards, but only for the time being
(b) yes, it is a royal waste of time but you still have to pay your rent
© what else would you be doing anyway?
(d) you are smarter/prettier/more handsome than you think you are
(e) occupy your space
(f) karma is real
(g) your grandmother was right; you are wasting the best part of the day
(h) exercise is good for you, ditto cleaning
(i) become a tree hugger. the world is beautiful. memorise every leaf and every cloud because one day you’ll be in a hospital bed or under a taxi, and all you’ll want to do is see one more sunrise.
(j) don’t beat yourself up about the vodka/sleeping pills/prozac. It could be worse
(k) do art. love art, whatever kind moves you.
(l) blond highlights/camping/KTV are always a mistake
(m) these may be your feelings, they may just be chemistry. chemistry can be manipulated without the aid of Eli Lilly.
(n) X isn’t as important as you think it is. Y, on the other hand is 100 times more important than you think it is. what are you waiting for? you are dying!
(o) you can become what you want to be. small steps.
§ timetabling your days helps
(q) ghosts aren’t real. the dead are dead.
® fear helps you to get stronger. do what ever makes you curl up inside. there’s no better feeling than winning over your small self.
(s) embrace your vanity; vanity shows us how we really perceive ourselves and leads us into finding out what we really want
(t) you know that person who wiped away your tears after you were stupid and small and fearful and grasping for the 400000000th time? he/she is your family and love them unconditionally
(u) who do you want to be in control?
(v) learn something pointless
(w) eat and sleep. plants and grains and shuteye
(x) what you look like is not you. how smart you are is not you.
(y) being good is admirable. but it doesn’t entitle you to anything
(z) ***** ****** is still a **********, ********, ******* little **** who deserves to *** of ****** while his ******** *** ** *********. And that’s OK.
Was rehab an off the cuff flip remark? If so, please ignore the unsolicited therapy… I’m drunk.
Oh dear, it looks like I’ve got myself into even hotter water! Actually, I was imagining there was a rehab clinic for indecision-makers. The question is …would I ever check in?
Just thinking out loud, in my above post. Not presuming to advise. Physician, heal thyself…
That’s a wonderful list, Buttercup. I offer the following for your consideration:
aa) When you’re thinking it might be horses, watch out for zebras.
bb) If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them.
And if you’re always looking for sediment at the bottom of the cup, you’ll never enjoy a good swig of life.
Buttercup, your post reminds me of this:
Based on a real article that appeared in the Chicago Tribune in 1997 and then popularized by Baz Lurhrmann:
The lyrics to Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen, by Mary Schmich:
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.