About life.
This is excellently put, and I couldn’t agree more.
I do however believe that there is a world of difference between yelling/screaming, on the one hand, and hitting.
Mother Theresa too, I think – the wording of his post implies that he has occasionally shouted at his daughter, but never hits her, and that he would disapprove of his wife more strongly if she resorted to violence than he does when she loses it verbally once in a while.
I think we all hope to deal with situations through rational discussion. We try to, as parents, and in fact my wife is much better at this than me. However, we both do sometimes find ourselves at the end of our tethers, or at a loss. We might make the kid stand in the corner, we might send him to his room; but I have to admit either of us is quite likely to use a stern, loud voice to deal with the behaviour. Sometimes in a controlled way, sometimes less so.
So yes, on occasion I do lose my temper, and that’s when having the stated policy of “no hitting in our family” comes in real handy. It’s simply not true that most parents use hitting in a controlled and calm way (and when they do, it’s a callous and humiliating form of punishment). Parents almost always hit out in anger. If I were to let that happen to me, how do I know I wouldn’t be tempted to hit a little bit harder, or even really hard? I have no experience of inflicting slaps or wallops or good hidings, I wouldn’t know how hard to do it or what to use, and I have no wish to start thinking about these things.
We also have to have our policy because of in-laws. If we said a gentle slap on the bum was OK, no-one would really know what we meant, or how hard, or when it was appropriate. No hitting at all is a clear rule – and yes, they do abide by it.
Our older boy knows about our policy. He knows other families do use hitting, and respects us as parents for not doing so. He doesn’t fight his younger brother much, but when he does it’s easy enough to remind him that the “no hitting in our family” rule applies to everyone, not just the grown-ups.
Regarding the poll results:
I’m a bit concerned that only one person (presumably Buttercup) has voted for hitting only kids too young to be reasoned with. Do some people actually believe that hitting is preferable to reasoning? If it’s true that you shouldn’t hit adults but you can hit kids, then that must be because adults can be reasoned with. In that case, it’s wrong also to hit children who can be reasoned with. And – am I missing some important point? – also OK to hit adults with certain kinds of cognitive disorder?
Who the hell said it was OK to hit boys, but not girls? Come on, own up and explain yourself!
Having accused parents who don’t hit their kids of contributing to a global decline in standards of behaviour, you now proceed to imply that the same parents are not interested in teaching their children about life.
And this from someone who has not, in fact, ever hit his kids?
Uh, I don’t get this at all.
I hit adults all the time.
I’d never hit a kid.
There’s a certain type of humour used on these boards that I don’t really get. I mean obviously it’s universally deemed wrong to fight adults, and on the whole against the law. Many people (although not me) believe that corporal punishment is acceptable in some circumstances, and it’s not outlawed in many places unless injury results.
So can you make your point more clearly, chief? I really don’t know what you mean.
(Or is that the thread has reached the point where there is no more to be said, so people are making short, pointless remarks just to wind things up?)
I’ve used force on a few occasions. Three, in all. Mild waps with a rolled up newspaper, and once a snap of the fingers on the earlobe.
All these three were to back up prior repeated verbal instructions. A singular deployment, to serve as a reminder of where things could go.
Usually, one only has to employ tone of voice, and appropriate threatening demeaning demeanor.
I usually also employ mild vocalized threats, that some pain or punishment is fast encroaching.
“Hao Tong, Lai Le!”
It’s all in the PsyOps Angle.
Think Ahead of The game, and force will not be even contemplated.
[quote=“smithsgj”]
There’s a certain type of humour used on these boards that I don’t really get.[/quote]
Yeah, no kidding.
There’s actually a lot of things you don’t get.
I guess, if I meant anything besides the obvious, it’s that I generally find children easier to reason with and less deserving recipients of brute force than most adults.
But I can see how you, living as you do on The Island that Irony and Subtlety Forgot, might not get that.
Not sure about that, but it does appear to have reached the point where some people are deliberately playing the naif, taking every single word at face value in a hamfisted attempt to appear reasonable whilst in fact refusing to treat anyone else’s thoughts with even a trace of respect or consideration.
We got a word for people like that.
You mean a snap, or a flick? What made you opt for that – no newspaper to hand? When you used the newspaper, did you have to go and get it or did you just grab the nearest thing?
What decided you against pulling the child’s hair, or pinching her on the arm, or giving her a Chinese burn?
Would that be because you yell/scream at your kid? I bet if you didn’t, you would be on here arguing that it was verbal abuse, humiliating for the kid, and completely unacceptable.
So this type of treatment is OK, but a controlled smack is not? Interesting. A controlled smack is an emotional punishment, not a physical one. Think about that for a moment.
I’d love to see those statistics. You WILL be providing a link to back up that claim of course, right?
I have experience. I do not have a problem controlling myself.
Good for you. We also have a policy that no-one else can smack our kids and they abide by it.
Smithsgj, I respect your opinion on this. You are completely entitled to it. I wish you could respect others’ opinions too. A parent who decides that a controlled smack is OK is not a bad parent. There are plenty of OTHER things that make people bad parents, however.
No respect or consideration is necessary for those who hit children. Or adults, frankly. Hitting people is wrong, OK?
I’ve had enough.
Ah yes, the ax-driven agenda.
Nice how you isolate my post to suit your own quote.
I may remind one, that these are my own kids. And are tried and true tactics. A little bit of force goes a long way.
It will also serve to recognize that such tactics are in extreme circumstances.
Tone of voice is everything.
Like giving them rice instead of potatotes.
smith, you’re quite right. I’ve never hit my kid. Then again, he’s only six months old. But I WILL, should the need arise, and I won’t feel the slightest bit guilty about it, either. I also don’t understand how making him stand in the corner is somehow “better” than a swat on the rump. It’s bloody cruel, if you ask me. Tell me, how do you complete the humiliation? A dunce’s cap, perhaps? Would you do THAT to an adult? Of course not. How, then, is it OK to do it to a kid, just because you can.
My parents were counterculture 60s people that never hit me once while growing up. In retrospect, I should have been spanked a few times. Would have knocked some sense into me. Getting put in the drunk tank at 14, getting drunk at 11 the night before hockey finals(although I did get a shutout the next day), insulting teachers in junior and senior high(including making a sub teacher cry) 
.I was never reigned in at an early age. It’s allowed me to test boundaries and push authority my whole life. Lotta fun for me, but as a father now I’m a little more strict than my parents were.
Not to mention the number of times you’ve made me cry…
Fuckin’ A!
Standing in the corner is for anal Nazi freaks. That degradation/humiliation lasts much longer in the pysche than a short sharp smack.
Not that smithsjg would know much about that, having already crossed over to the other side.
I went to a Scottish boarding school for almost five long years, in the late 70s & early 80s. I know all about Crime & Punishment, and how it’s dished out to younglings.
The master with a fine turn or phrase, yet a can of whoop-ass besides, always got the best results.
It will also be well to recall that I teach both my kids to fight. How to use the means at their disposal to defeat any and all foes within their range. Why, just last night, my son vanquished a HUGE racha in a close sea battle.
I also teach them restraint: but, to do so entails: showing the other side of that very same coin.
HuZZaH!
Remember, Fighting Solves Everything.
Most certainly not. Yet.
I’m not sure who started it.
But the kid has no discipline - throwing food or anything really, hurting the dog, screaming for the sake of it etc etc. The child is about 3 and cannot be reasoned with. If he is put in his cot as punishment he may scream himself to sleep, which may take a few hours. The kid seems naturally violent and is on some kind of power trip.
The next Stalin, perhaps, in the making.
You’re just an old softie 
I’ve had Chewycorns standing in the corner for several months now. Fat lot of good its done.
You kids better not make me get my belt. And don’t you think I won’t!