I’ve been here three and a half years and although I love being here, love the kids I teach and generally feel content, lately this demon has been on my shoulder and I can’t seem to shake the bastard…
Originally when I decided to come here I was very content with the decision. The chance to travel, live in a foreign country, learn Chinese and maybe even do a Post Graduate degree… The possibilities seemed endless and I was so hyped by it all. Recently though I’ve been going through a phase that I can only describe as depression.
I feel more and more isolated and extremely bored. Where I used to find it extremely easy to meet new people, lately this has not been the case. I find myself more and more to be in a rut where everyday is the same. I sleep, wake up, go to work, come home, watch TV, sleep… Only to have the cycle repeated day after day merging into weeks of monotony. One day in the week, Saturdays, I go out. Although I promise myself I’ll only have a few drinks and head home, lonliness keeps me there where at least I’m surrounded by other souls.
I tell myself I should do other stuff to force myself out of the rut. Force myself to meet new people and get involved in different activities (not including watching TV and drinking myself into oblivion), but somehow I seem paralysed. There don’t seem to be that many alternatives down in Tainan and most folks think “it’s a waste of time” or a “waste of money” to do anything else on the weekend other than gather at the local drinking holes.
I’ve thought about moving up north, but to be honest, I’m not convinced that will solve the problem. I think the problem lies within myself, and moving to Taipei will just be carrying the problem up north with me.
Have any of you folks ever gone through this? Is this normal after a while? To start doubting your decision to come out here? Is it merely just time to go home? Although, truthfully I don’t feel I’m done with Taiwan yet.
How do I kick start myself again and get some fire under my ass?