R***'s Rage Page

Discussion Open Forum
1

I’ve been here three and a half years and although I love being here, love the kids I teach and generally feel content, lately this demon has been on my shoulder and I can’t seem to shake the bastard…

Originally when I decided to come here I was very content with the decision. The chance to travel, live in a foreign country, learn Chinese and maybe even do a Post Graduate degree… The possibilities seemed endless and I was so hyped by it all. Recently though I’ve been going through a phase that I can only describe as depression.

I feel more and more isolated and extremely bored. Where I used to find it extremely easy to meet new people, lately this has not been the case. I find myself more and more to be in a rut where everyday is the same. I sleep, wake up, go to work, come home, watch TV, sleep… Only to have the cycle repeated day after day merging into weeks of monotony. One day in the week, Saturdays, I go out. Although I promise myself I’ll only have a few drinks and head home, lonliness keeps me there where at least I’m surrounded by other souls.

I tell myself I should do other stuff to force myself out of the rut. Force myself to meet new people and get involved in different activities (not including watching TV and drinking myself into oblivion), but somehow I seem paralysed. There don’t seem to be that many alternatives down in Tainan and most folks think “it’s a waste of time” or a “waste of money” to do anything else on the weekend other than gather at the local drinking holes.

I’ve thought about moving up north, but to be honest, I’m not convinced that will solve the problem. I think the problem lies within myself, and moving to Taipei will just be carrying the problem up north with me.

Have any of you folks ever gone through this? Is this normal after a while? To start doubting your decision to come out here? Is it merely just time to go home? Although, truthfully I don’t feel I’m done with Taiwan yet.

How do I kick start myself again and get some fire under my ass?

:wall: :help:

2

I think yes. I think what helps best to is to get OUT and do stuff with people you can stand being around.

The drinking isn’t the best thing to do as it is a depressant, but that’s not my business.

I don’t know Tainan very well. What is there to do, hobby wise?

[quote]
How do I kick start myself again and get some fire under my ass? [/quote]

Start doing something that you’ve been wanting to do and don’t give yourself the chance to make excuses. Take up scuba! You’re close to Kending and that is good.

3

You could go fishing with TC, for example. Gotta force yourself out of the drinking. Alcohol is a depressant.

HG

4

I think a move may be good. It’s easy to get stuck…but sometimes even rearranging the furniture helps:)

This place is exactly the opposite of South-Africa…which is good for my mortality-wise, but not socially. I miss having chats with strangers on the street…

You can do it here too, but I miss the vibrancy coming from people, not shop signs and traffic lights.

5

Thanks lads. All good advice, and yes, the drinking is worst part of it. Nothing to do, feel lonely, head where there’s people = The pubs. Gotta break that cycle for sure.

Hobby wise Tainan sucks a little. I imagine Taipei has much more on offer, hence the thoughts about relocating…

Cheers! Off to school now. The kids always seem to cheer me up… :smiley:

6

any hiking around there? get out with a few people during the day and kick a ball around.

we hike to the top of a mountain, and kick the ball around there …

outside is good (stay outta the midday sun, or course).

7

Bismark, I feel this often,like it’s one big fawkin Groundhog’s day. The isolation and loneliness alot. And I live in the city. My own demon is one heck of a devil that comes up during certain sitations. Like right now, it’s burn out from work. And having to make some life changes. All I can say is pm me, if you wanna talk. Luckly, for me I have two good people who can relate to my point of view and have stood by me. But it’s not them who will get me thru, like you say, it is you.

I don’t always agree with positive thinking, because sometimes it can cover something that needs attention. But if after your soul searching you come to realize that it’s not you, then I would do some positive thinking exerices.

Best of luck mon! :beer:

8

[quote=“bismarck”]I’ve been here three and a half years and although I love being here, love the kids I teach and generally feel content, lately this demon has been on my shoulder and I can’t seem to shake the bastard…

I felt like that when I lived in Tainan I found hsinchu better for me and plus I deal with less shit at work.

I would say try to find some Taiwanese friends or a girl friend I think thats what you need

9

Maybe you can try to work in some exercise.

I know you may not feel like it now, but I think you will appreciate the benefits of regular exercise if you start some running or hiking or biking or yoga or weight-lifting.

Best of luck getting out of this rut.

10

Groundhog Day!! That’s exactly it!! Funny, I was thinking of that movie the other day.

Girlfriend? - Actually I’m between SO’s right now. Maybe you have a point, 'cos sometimes a good partner can make any shitty old day feel good. However, I was kinda thinking I need to avoid depending on someone else for my own happiness.

Exercise? - Yep, joined a gym today. Haven’t really done any exercise in a while. Will see in a few weeks if that helps. I remember when I used to jog and work out regularly I used to feel a heck of a lot better about myself. Maybe I can even drag my ass out to the rugby pitch on Sundays and throw the ball around with the lads.

Thanks for the excellent suggestions so far. I’m gonna try them all.

You guys are NO.1… :notworthy:

11

My husband and I have been here for 6 years and feel exactly the same way that you do. However, we are really involved in sports, exercise, we travel a lot, and we get out and do things all of the time. We also made our apartment lovely with beautiful furniture so that we would have a nice place to go home to. But, I don’t think those things really make it better; they only mask other problems, in our case our unhappiness with living in Taiwan.

That’s why we have decided to leave. While Taiwan can be good in many ways, it can be a very depressing place, despite having friends and being active. Things that you may not even actively think about can get you down and cause depression. I don’t know…we have been living abroad for over 10 years, in Africa, Europe, the Middle East and then finally here…and in all of the places we have been prevously, I was always a happy person, and felt like I was getting the most out of life. All I feel in Taiwan is like there is a cancer is growing inside of me, like I am wasting my life away. And, that’s not me, that’s not the kind of person I am, to wish time away so that I can get out of here faster. I have never been so negative, and for the first time in my life, I feel depression too. As does my husband, despite how happy we are together and how active we are.

In short, what I mean is that a move to another Taiwanese city probably will alleviate your low feelings temporarily, but the reality is that you probably need a totally new change of scenery, i.e. a new country.

And, getting involved in a relationship here may tie you down to a place where you are not necessarily happy. I have seen it happen many times here! That’s not the way to go…

I don’t know you, so I can’t say if you feel the same way I do. But, there are many foreigners here who feel depression, have trouble sleeping, and are just generally unhappy, no matter what their lifestyle, and I know for sure that many of them were NOT that way before coming to Taiwan.

12

I know exactly how you feel, Bismark. I don’t like to see myself become an alcoholic but all of my friends drink. If I want to have a social life, just to talk to people, I have to go to the pub. Maybe we could get some sort of non-drinking activities going on down in Tainan, some sort of club for people to do things on weekends. It can be extremely lonely and boring down here.

13

It can be extremely lonely and boring anywhere . . . I think folks have offered some good suggestions:

  1. Get active
  2. Spend time in the sun
  3. Find a hobby
  4. Stop drinking your loneliness away
  5. Move - furniture around, to a new city or country (if that’s what you need)
  6. See a therapist

I can only empathize with you, I’m afraid. For the first time in my life I found myself in a situation where I was having difficulty meeting friends. New city, new job, was kinda depressed due to a relationship break-up, and was working nights. Kind of a perfect storm for loneliness and depression. If you’re at the age in life where folks are paired up and procreating, but you’re not, that also makes it tricky to find like-minded or like-situation-in-life type people. It’s difficult to compete with a child who needs Mom or Dad - not that I ever considered trying - but lot’s of the folks I know or meet each day have a spouse/S.O. and/or kids, and a church or organization (like kids soccer team, for example) and no time for outside friendships or so it seems.

I moved to yet another new town since October of last year. I commute each day and so am not back to town until 7pm most nights during the week, and then have second job that I work at on Sundays. Yet, finally met a local that I have begun a friendship with (worked together at my second job). This past Saturday, we had plans to go for a walk along a canal and then get coffee. But, in town there was a May parade (with maypoles and stuff), so we watched that. As we were standing there, she said that when she shows up for stuff like this, she invariably runs into a handful of folks she knows. Not 2 seconds later, a guy came up to me and said “Hey, Bodo, is that you?” This was a guy I knew while we were both in school in Charlottesville (Univ of Virginia). He in med school, me in nursing school. Bizarro. Turns out he’s from the town I now live in, and he lives and works here too. So, now I know 2 folks in my new town that I’d consider pursuing friendships with. No only that, I went to one of the bars in town that night to hear some live music and have a beer, and met the bartender and 2 more locals - at least I can say hi to John the bartender when I come over in the future.

Anyway, I think what I’m trying to convey (and doing so poorly) is that it took me forever to get up the motivation/courage/energy etc. to just go out. And, once I did, I feel the momentum swinging my way finally. So, I’m just encouraging you not to give up, but to keep trying, and get out there, and who knows . . .

Good luck,
Bodo

14

Hey Quentin, I’m all for that. At this stage I would even be happy to have a partner to go to gym with. I just go to this normal old gym in Fucian road but most folks seem to prefer the new ones like Gold’s. Send me a pm if you’re up for it or anything else other than drinking.

15

You actually like the kids?

I’ve been here seven years now which sometimes seems more like a prison term than an overseas experience. I would have left earlier but I forgot how to get back to the airport.

My advice to anyone with this kind of malaise is to get a hobby. Why don’t you get your rugby boots on and get down to the local club on a Sunday afternoon. You know where to find us!

This is my new hobby:
http://www.insanitywetrust.com
http://www.travelsinasia.com

16

[quote=“WeiLong”]You actually like the kids?

I’ve been here seven years now which sometimes seems more like a prison term than an overseas experience. I would have left earlier but I forgot how to get back to the airport.

My advice to anyone with this kind of malaise is to get a hobby. Why don’t you get your rugby boots on and get down to the local club on a Sunday afternoon. You know where to find us!

This is my new hobby:
http://www.insanitywetrust.com
http://www.travelsinasia.com[/quote]

Yeah mate, believe it or not. I do actually like the kids I teach.

As far as the rugby is concerned… Your memory is short, my good man. Otherwise you’ll remember that the last time I came out I threw up at half time. The fitness is getting better now though. I’ll be there soon enough…

17

I might - might - be up for that. Where do you guys meet exactly and how long are the matches? Mind you, as both of you know Bismark and Weilong - I’ve met you both, sending you a PM soon, Weilong - I’m an American and have never played rugby.

18

Quentin, not really sure who you are, but if I saw you again I’d probably know. Anyway, the rugby is in Tiyu road just off Jiang Kang road, near the baseball stadium. You keep to the left on Tiyu road and go past the athletics stadium, over the little river and past the soccer field. Then on the right you’ll find the rugby club. Sundays around 3:30pm. The game isn’t so rough and it’s not that different from most ball sports, or NFL for that matter. Come on and have a run for a few minutes.