well not only in taiwan doing soul wedding china is still doing soul wedding now
i prefer a Ska wedding myself 
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My experience is that if the giver of the hongbao is really determined to “pay” in some way they usually still provide some gift later on (not money). Accepting the gift will resolve this issue for both sides. The gift may or may not be same value as hongbao but that is not really important, right?
Its complex. depends on the particular situ obviously.
normally it is impolite to NOT accept a red envelope from a person older than yourself. Chinese culture still teaches to respect one’s elders (in age). Which means in this case he should have accepted the red envelope from the friends Mother (who is i assume older than the receipient). The polite thing is to accept the envelop in this case and NOT take out the money to count it (like they do at weddings).
Generally I take any red envelops given to me 
However, I do hope there is some money in it, I don’t want to accept just a red envelop. It’s not the thought that counts…never has been.
And to add further, its normally polite to accept a gift. ONe can always return the favor in some other way at a later date.
Are same sex soul weddings permitted now? 
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When i see my parents in law on Chinese new year day, first thing i say is: where the hell is my red envelop.
No one has ever complained about it.
I would consider not taking the offered envelope to be the height of bad manners, irrespective of one’s native custom.
Especially considering that non-monetary gift giving isn’t really traditionally a thing here.
I mean traditionally, not counting the last 15 years or so in which buying and giving actual “thing” gifts has been made fashionable by commercial concerns.
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same-sex ??? I don’t know maybe possible