I have a question that has been burdening my heart for a while now. Perhaps some of you who are more familiar with Chinese/Taiwanese people and culture can give me some insight.
To begin with, I have many Taiwanese friends. I know that generally Taiwanese girls tend to be less open than their Western counterparts, but the difference is not necessarily too vast. However, several months ago I came to know one specific girl from Formosa. When I first met her, she was by no means a love at first sight and I would have never guessed that we would become good friends and even less would I have believed that I would fall for her. What makes this girl unique is that she is by far the most conservative Taiwanese girl I have ever met. Later I learned from my own experience and through talking to her friends that she, indeed, comes from a very traditional family.
Now I do not really know how to act or what to think in this situation. I really like her and I have told her that many times, but I find it very difficult to understand how she feels about me. I have tried to learn how she feels about me, but all I get in response is a lenghty speech about something that is only subtly related to what I ask. Yesterday she said that we are 知己. I translated this word and it seems to be something equivalent to a good friend. I do want to be good friends with her, but for me, in a longer run, that is simply not enough. Is that her way of nicely rejecting me or is 知己 just one level to becoming potentially into something more? She said that she needs to see my heart … I want her to see my heart, but I do not want to give up my life just to be friends who can merely talk to each other about special things.
Can anyone help me understand better the mind of a traditional Taiwanese lad? In the West, friend-zone is a sad and dark place, so you might understand why I am feeling paranoid.
I have a question that has been burdening my heart for a while now. Perhaps some of you who are more familiar with Chinese/Taiwanese people and culture can give me some insight.
To begin with, I have many Taiwanese friends. I know that generally Taiwanese girls tend to be less open than their Western counterparts, but the difference is not necessarily too vast. However, several months ago I came to know one specific girl from Formosa. When I first met her, she was by no means a love at first sight and I would have never guessed that we would become good friends and even less would I have believed that I would fall for her. What makes this girl unique is that she is by far the most conservative Taiwanese girl I have ever met. Later I learned from my own experience and through talking to her friends that she, indeed, comes from a very traditional family.
Now I do not really know how to act or what to think in this situation. I really like her and I have told her that many times, but I find it very difficult to understand how she feels about me. I have tried to learn how she feels about me, but all I get in response is a lenghty speech about something that is only subtly related to what I ask. Yesterday she said that we are 知己. I translated this word and it seems to be something equivalent to a good friend. I do want to be good friends with her, but for me, in a longer run, that is simply not enough. Is that her way of nicely rejecting me or is 知己 just one level to becoming potentially into something more? She said that she needs to see my heart … I want her to see my heart, but I do not want to give up my life just to be friends who can merely talk to each other about special things.
Can anyone help me understand better the mind of a traditional Taiwanese lad? In the West, friend-zone is a sad and dark place, so you might understand why I am feeling paranoid.
Cheers,
I. Slanskur[/quote]
Maybe she’s married. Maybe she has a boyfriend. Maybe she just doesn’t like you in that way. You can’t force someone to like you. And using NLP or any sort of manipulation technique to get someone to like you means she will never really know the real you.
Are you in Taiwan? Or did you meet this person in another country?
No, she is not married. Nor does she have a boyfriend - they broke up in spring, and there might be a chance that she still feels hurt about that.
I do not quite understand your response. I am by no means trying to force her to do anything. I am not manipulating or using NLP (I have no idea what it is). Making her unhappy would be the last of my intentions. If she is happy, I will be happy (errr… maybe heart-broken, but I would survive), be it with me or without me. All I am trying to learn is how she feels about me. I like her, but if she does not like me the same way, then I know to stop hoping and trying to turn this into something more than just friendship. Is this something too much to ask in Taiwanese culture? Not knowing can be quite painful.
All I wanted to know is how should I understand the word 知己 and the phrasing “seeing my heart”. Is there still a chance for me or is it a nice way of saying “you are a nice guy, but only for talking”? I do not know so much about Taiwanese people or the concept of 知己, which is exactly why I have come to this board.
We are not in Taiwan, but I am so crazy about her that I would move to any place in this world to make this possible.
This is what I have been thinking as well. But I think several months is enough to tell if things will never work out, perhaps not long enough to tell if they will. I am just curious about the meaning of “知己” and if it is the equivalent of friend-zone. With a European girl, you kind of can tell when there is certain kind of attraction and intimate tension. With a girl like that, I can not tell, because she is quite shy and closed, and different in general. She tells me about everything, except about the things that conerns “us two”. Of course, I want to give her and us more time and I want her to see my heart, but I know as the time goes on and if she does not like me the way I like her, things will be even more painful for me.
You mentioned that she comes from a very traditional family.
Traditionally speaking, there is a chance that her parents may have forbidden her to marry anyone who is non-Taiwanese.
And since she is not allowed to marry anyone who isn’t Taiwanese, she may feel it is a waste of time to string you along and she is nipping it in the bud.
Or like you said. Maybe you just got friend-zoned.
If I got friend-zoned then why can’t she tell me about it though? She knows that the unknowingness hurts me more than anything.
Ahhh… I know you guys can’t help me with how she feels. No one can, but her. But maybe you can tell me something more about the Taiwanese culture in the context of my problem. What exactly is “知己” and can it be an entry-level to something else? I appreciate any comment that might bring some clarity to this situaton. I am just so confused. She herself has given many reasons for that.
[quote=“Leftywang81”]You mentioned that she comes from a very traditional family.
Traditionally speaking, there is a chance that her parents may have forbidden her to marry anyone who is non-Taiwanese.
And since she is not allowed to marry anyone who isn’t Taiwanese, she may feel it is a waste of time to string you along and she is nipping it in the bud.
Or like you said. Maybe you just got friend-zoned.[/quote]
+1 to this. It is very probable that her parents have absolutely vetoed any and all relationships beyond “polite friendship” with non-Taiwanese. She might like you, but your story would be doomed from the start.
[quote=“islanskur”]If I got friend-zoned then why can’t she tell me about it though? She knows that the unknowingness hurts me more than anything.
Ahhh… I know you guys can’t help me with how she feels. No one can, but her. But maybe you can tell me something more about the Taiwanese culture in the context of my problem. What exactly is “知己” and can it be an entry-level to something else? I appreciate any comment that might bring some clarity to this situaton. I am just so confused. She herself has given many reasons for that.[/quote]
I’ve never heard of 知己, so I just asked one of my friends and she pretty much confirmed it.
Your ceiling seems to be “Very very close friend” but she “doesn’t want you has a bf”.
You got friend-zoned, bro.
What girl tells a guy straight up that “I’m putting you in the friend-zone”?
Guys just get the hint. And maybe she did just tell you when she said 知己.
^ I know this is just one person’s opinion on an Internet discussion board, but this is truly depressing. A strictly Platonic relationship forever with a girl you very much like causes only pain, constant pain.
Yes, surely it is not love, as I do not know her long enough, but I do not want to get over this infatuation. I know she wants to be with me, but I want to know in what way does she sees it happening in the long run.
“知己” goes along the lines of “close friend” and “confidant”.
From a “been there done that” perspective (even if completely unrelated to Taiwan) i’d say at the stage you are in your sex drive and/or other (emotional) needs are likely in the way of enjoying or sustaining a “知己” relationship, even if from a human point of view it could be an enrichment, so i’d start with what Leftywang81 explains and others seem to confirm…
EDIT:
Ah, yes, “infatuation”
When i was where you seem now, i was lucky to find a wise and caring supporter who helped me develop my own strengths, and as a result i have been able to save all my friendships across the infatuation zone, which has considerably added to my quality of life. I wish you the same!
For sure. Don’t take my opinion as gospel or anything like that. Just throwing in my 2 cents.
But I did ask a female local friend of mine and mentioned your situation and that was what she told me.
If the end game is for you to start a bf/gf relationship with her, then it would appear your chances are slim to none.
It might actually be easier for you to hook up for a one-nighter with these “traditional” girls.
They are either super conservative and will never do anything, or they will be on the other end of the spectrum and they are just itching to bust out of their cocoon.
