I was told that my daughter cannot attend our current school because she is having adjustment issues.
I teach my daughter’s class. We have been at the school since early December. I pay for her tuition but receive a discount.
My daughter has had some major adjustments to go through. Taiwanese fish dishes and turnip cakes are difficult for her. At this school, she has been given a chance to try things…but recently the supervisor has said that she must eat her food- all of it. She used to stay with me on mornings that I wasn’t required to come in. The supervisor says that that is unacceptable because it messes up her paperwork on one particular class. She isn’t allowed to accompany me home at nap time. My daughter is becoming increasingly emotional and very angry.
Apparently the principal is asking questions as to why my daughter is allowed to break school rules. No one explained the school rules to me until the super was in my face about it.
I have tried to explain culture shock to my co-t. I haven’t bothered to talk to my super because she appears to be unwilling to discuss anything around my daughter’s needs. She has essentially put her foot down. I want to talk to the principal but I don’t speak Chinese. I feel backed into a corner and being pressured by the supervisor and my co-t to get my daughter to shut up about everything and obey the rules to make everyone happy.
My normally gentle and happy child is starting to fly into rages. She is just 8!
She feels like the whole situation is her fault. To make matters worse, some of her fellow students are telling her that she isn’t a new comer anymore.
Is this a public elementary school? Or a private buxiban? Seems strange for a real school to kick a kid out.
Part of why she’s frustrated is probably because you are frustrated about this.
You’ve made it into a you V.S. the school thing and she’s adopting the same attitude. Or feeling frustrated that it’s become such a big deal.
Also, most kids don’t want to be different. They don’t want “special privileges” that make fellow students despise them. You want her to fit right in, but you want everyone to make special allowance for her all the time? That just doesn’t work very well.
The food thing is understandable, maybe you can claim allergies and pack her lunch everyday. But missing classes just because she’s the teacher’s daughter isn’t very fair. To the other students or to your daughter. It makes her the teacher’s pet, takes away time she could be learning or bonding with other students, and breaks the rules. If she can break the rules, why can’t all the students go home at lunchtime too? Do you really want to teach her that she’s different from everyone else and requires special treatment? Or that she should do her best to overcome adversity, even when the situation is difficult?
What can you do? Seems like you can either help her adjust to life in her current school without any special privileges or allowances because she’s a newcomer, or send her to a school that will cater to whatever different needs she has. If you choose the former, you probably need to talk to your supervisor and make it clear that you are not expecting your daughter to be treated differently at all and that your intention was never to disrupt order in the school.
[quote=“Yeshi51”]Do you guys even have kids? Have you ever brought your children to a foreign country and had them stressed out?
Reading your post, probably not.[/quote] Lupillus gave you the best advice,any parent could or would. Appreciate it!! Or at least show your gratitude, you would want to teach your kiddo that if someone bothered to reply to your query, you appreciate the effort.
Sandman, is a parent, and has seen enough posts to now where a good one is being made…Me I brought my kiddo here, spent a year in Chinese school and she loved it. She had food issues, and the teacher would complain to me and i would just say, ‘you deal with it’ at home, if my girl complained, I told her don’t bother eating what you don’t like. The teachers did the ‘she has to finish everything’ routine, I told them give her small portions, very little, that will save them face in front of other kids and even if she didn’t touch the crap it would seem like a leftover to other kids. Worked fab!!! Then once she was integrated in all other ways, it didn’t matter coz the kids knew she was not being treated differently and the teachers stopped giving her things she did not like.
Other than that example, everything the wise old Lupillus said!
Having your own kid in your class is highly unusual and would not be accepted in a public school. It completely breaks the normative pedagogical dynamics of the teacher-student relationship. Even nieces and nephews will usually be placed in other teacher’s classes in the public education system.
The food stinks in pre-schools and bushibans. It literally stinks, and is not fit for human consumption.
Taiwan has a different way of looking at children. The nail that sticks out gets pounded in. Follow your gutt. You know your kid and you know if a situation is good for her or not.
At this point you either have to go along with what the school says or get her into a different school. Things will only get worse at that school if you don’t do as they tell you, and your work situation will become precarious. Taiwanese people tend not to make a fuss until they are REALLY bothered about something. What you are hearing is only the tip of the iceberg.
When the other kids say “you’re not a newcomer anymore” they are repeating something they heard an adult at the school say. I’d put money on it. What is their (the staff’s and by extension the children’s) attitude toward your daughter when you’re not around?
I think Lupillus and those above gave the best possible advice for helping your daughter assimilate to TAIWAN. But is that what you want? What are your long term plans? If you’re staying here for only a year or so, let the kid have a chill experience (ie get her into a situation where she’ll feel comfortable, happy and supported). If you want her to go through the entire school system here ( :raspberry: ) then maybe she should assimilate sooner rather than later.
But I don’t like the school system here. Do you?
[quote=“Yeshi51”]Do you guys even have kids? Have you ever brought your children to a foreign country and had them stressed out?
Reading your post, probably not.[/quote]
I have and in my experience kids are extremely adaptable and far less prone to culture shock than adults. I know you’re trying to do your best by your child but your protective attitude could well be exacerbating the situation. By requiring special treatment for your child you’re singling her out as different and, as seems to be the case, privileged (at least in the eyes of the other children, teachers and parents). Children are very sensitive to parental attitudes. Teach her that there’s a problem with attending school and she’ll completely believe that. You’ve been here four months now. That’s a long time in a young child’s life. Why isn’t she at school full time now? She’ll be missing out on education and the opportunity to form relationships with her classmates.
FWIW I put my 5 year old son straight into school when I lived abroad (not Taiwan but another Asian country). No special measures. He took it completely in his stride. Children find it easier, not more difficult, to assimilate. Trust to your daughter’s ability to cope. You don’t need to protect her from going to school in another country.
one point i can digress on is that i always had to eat my spinach growing up, well, in this case turnip, but the school lunches here are very ‘questionable’…as they are back in NA…packing a lunch is a good idea…but your 8 year old child must learn to eat everything that is given to her, albeit normal things…i stress that for my son…more and more parents are doing that now as they realize that school lunches, although financially inviting, aren’t very healthy. i have seen those lunch ladies cooking meals for 3000+ kids, they don’t give a rat’s ass how much oil or salt goes into the meal, as long as it is finished by lunchtime. i cook all kinds of food for my son, but i don’t go out and blantenly give him hamburgers and pizza just because he is a foreigner. his lunches may be similiar to what the other students are eating, minus the gobs of oil, salt and soy sauce. that way he is not picked on. nobody bats an eye at him, because they know he is getting normal food. what’s the teacher’s reaction? if you want to go to the trouble and do it, it’s your perrogative. In my house growing up, it was a daily chore to pack your lunch before you went to bed at night…
at most public schools you are going to pay about $40NT for a lunch per day. What can you really get for that? the cheapest ingredients. one thing school lunches don’t offer is variety. a plethora of cabbage, pork, chicken, rice, bitter melon, eggplant and the famous ‘black surprise soup’ is on the order most weeks.
I’ve been a kid, and went to 8 different schools in three countries.
Mostly, I just wanted to be treated like the other kids and do what they did, even when I stuck out (only kid with an accent/only white kid/only new kid). So yeah, Lupillus wins the debate
Lupillus gave you the best advice,any parent could or would. Appreciate it!! Or at least show your gratitude, you would want to teach your kiddo that if someone bothered to reply to your query, you appreciate the effort.