Hello everyone, I am writing this to seek advice on what I should do. Ever since high school, I’ve always dreamt of studying in Taiwan, and I was fortunate enough to get that opportunity. However, when I arrived, I faced some troubles and overdosed on drugs from time to time. My mother found out about it and made me come back home this summer vacation. She said it was just to rest for a while, but now she’s saying I will no longer be studying there. She told me I was selfish, inconsiderate, and didn’t understand the struggles of my parents due to my actions.
The truth is, I was happy in Taiwan. I liked living independently. One reason I overdosed on drugs was because I got very anxious when I couldn’t understand topics at school (I am an engineering student). Near exams, I would take a lot of my medication, hoping it would calm me down. I admit I wasted the opportunity and gave up early, leading to failing some classes. Despite that, I was genuinely happy there. If I go back to my home country, I fear I’ll return to my old depressed state where I hide all my feelings.
I want to go back and study in Taiwan, but I am unsure. My mother said my monthly allowance is only 15,000 NTD without her support. Since I have to rent because I didn’t get into the school dormitory, the money will be tight. She also said she saw me suffering, but I only suffered because I was trying to treat my depression, which I developed at home. She mentioned her job in Taiwan is ending, and she’s worried about what will happen to me if she’s no longer there to help. I saw my mother crying and it really pains my heart, but I just can’t tell her that I don’t want to live at home anymore, I am happy where I am.
I don’t know what to do. I love living in Taiwan, and I even gained weight because I could finally eat what I wanted. If I go back home, my whole world will probably shut down again. I love my parents, but I don’t want to live with them anymore, especially my father, who is an alcoholic and says really harsh things to me. Any advice on what I should do?
Did you consider the EU, they are some programs that maybe cost nothing and some grants for low income students? Where are you from, I can check what EU country/Uni has programs that are low or maybe no cost. Taiwanese can apply, and programs are in English (more every year), and rent 100EUR a month.
Netherlands and Germany are good options. I did a degree in the Netherlands - taught in English - and was able to support myself on a part time job. The fees were effectively free, and the government had a subsidy where if you work X number of hours they supplement your income. Also the college had subsidized housing.
Honestly, if your academic programme is giving you this much grief, maybe consider going into another field. I understand that you’re probably in a bad place mentally right now, but there’s really no need to lash out like that.