I was gonna post on the psychoshiaojie thread before it got all political.
This is another thread in the skein - anything you do or don’t do can be held against you in the court of love
I’m talking about the courting process - not established relationships.
I’ve found TWese women exeptionally sensitve to ‘slight’.
Anything not ‘on time’ - a phone call, email, meeting - = “You don’t really like me/need me.”
This goes to the insecurity thing and the idea that any 外國人 can have any woman.
Confronted by accusations of ‘slight’, there is no way out. Any promise never to be late with anything at any time is impossible to keep. Any further ‘slight’ is impossible to atone for. Begging and pleading for any atonement = weak sob she don’t want.
Sensitivity to slight is universal. I’ve just found it amplified here.
The Dude has an interesting point. I sometimes find that in my marriage
I think it’s a sign that you’re not paying enough attention to her. Now, that isn’t what you think is enough attention mind you. You may be (objectively speaking) spending enough attention on her, but she wants more. She needs to feel special or at least think that she’s in your thoughts. At its worst, it’s a jealousy thing.
This could be a sign of a possible PXJ you’re dealing with but YMMV.
Well, I don’t know, but my relationships have always had an element of a clockwork orange about them. Strange language, indoctrination, mechanical, Ludovico’s Technique-esque physical harm if eyes wandered elsewhere. You know, the usual.
But no raping, murdering, plundering or pillaging.
Well, I don’t know, but my relationships have always had an element of a clockwork orange about them. Strange language, indoctrination, mechanical, Ludovico’s Technique-esque physical harm if eyes wandered elsewhere. You know, the usual.
But no raping, murdering, plundering or pillaging.[/quote]
What??? No Raping ??? No Murdering??? No Plundering??? No Pillaging??? You’re taking all the fun out of it then lol
I AM talking some PSJ here, as most women I’ve met from TW are just people like people everywhere are people. And I’m NOT talking about any one person, just repetitions of behaviour I’ve felt were odd considering the circumstances.
The relationship timeline is commonly friendship/dating with potential for romance - and then, one little ‘slip’ = bye bye.
It’s true that reaction ‘slight’ could just be a convenient way of getting out of something someone doesn’t really want to get into, but that’s not the way these things have felt. It feels like suspicion and mistrust based on innocuous occurrence.
A couple of examples:
A meeting arranged at a bar we’ve been to before. 30 minutes late because a typhoon flood wiped out Hsitun Rd. thus a long detour. She’s waiting outside only to tell me that I obviously don’t care for her. (Han Solo moment) - “It’s not my fault!” 'Nuff said, snuffed out.
There was a girl who contacted me by email, and I remembered her as a friend of a friend. She contacted me because she wanted to meet, practice English and hang around. Couple of emails and I asked for a picture. The next email I got was a sad drone in Chinese and full of ellipses to the effect of, “If you don’t remember me, I guess we don’t have to meet.”
At my university in the US, I had a TWese girl stop seeing me because I called her Hui Jing instead of Hui Ling - once (No, not ‘in the act’).
I missed one phone call from someone here, and that was the end of that. There was some of the usual pleading involved (think John Belushi in the sewer with Carrie Fisher in the Blues Brothers) to no effect.
Again, it’s true that all of this may be due to my general hideousness, but I have not experienced this type of behaviour with women from other countries. It’s definite PSJ stuff, but I posted to see if others have experienced this sensitivity to ‘slight’ with TWese women.
Maybe the problem is you. I suggest before you get slightly involved/meet/make eye contact with any member of the opposite sex that might be dateable/fuckable to you, be upfront and tell them the following before exchanging greetings/phone numbers:
-I am bad with names, I often get Jane and Jen mixed up
-I am bad with navigating the streets around here, so I may not know all the shortcuts in case I ever get caught in a typhoon/snow/heat wave/tidal wave/tornado
-I am a man, therefore I need visual stimulation. It will take me a few meetings to remember your face
-I’m sometimes slow/busy answering the phone, so please leave me a message
Good luck. And take a moment to think that maybe the issues lie with you.
Maybe the problem is you. I suggest before you get slightly involved/meet/make eye contact with any member of the opposite sex that might be dateable/fuckable to you, be upfront and tell them the following before exchanging greetings/phone numbers:
-I am bad with names, I often get Jane and Jen mixed up
-I am bad with navigating the streets around here, so I may not know all the shortcuts in case I ever get caught in a typhoon/snow/heat wave/tidal wave/tornado
-I am a man, therefore I need visual stimulation. It will take me a few meetings to remember your face
-I’m sometimes slow/busy answering the phone, so please leave me a message
Good luck. And take a moment to think that maybe the issues lie with you. [/quote]
I guess I can see that the ‘sensitive to slight’ experience isn’t widely shared, but I was thinking that this WAS a strain of the PSJ.
The experiences I wrote about were unique to a few women I’ve met from TW over the course of 10+ years and never experienced with women from other cultural/sociological backgrounds. I’ll repeat what I said before, I’ve been lucky finding some great TWese GFs without PSJ BS. There’s been a few experiences I felt were odd, and I was curious to see if such experiences were common.
I guess I can see that the ‘sensitive to slight’ experience isn’t widely shared, but I was thinking that this WAS a strain of the PSJ.
The experiences I wrote about were unique to a few women I’ve met from TW over the course of 10+ years and never experienced with women from other cultural/sociological backgrounds. I’ll repeat what I said before, I’ve been lucky finding some great TWese GFs without PSJ BS. There’s been a few experiences I felt were odd, and I was curious to see if such experiences were common.[/quote]
Dude,
It starts out of insecurity, but it mostly never disappears because they figure out that it
I guess I can see that the ‘sensitive to slight’ experience isn’t widely shared, but I was thinking that this WAS a strain of the PSJ.
The experiences I wrote about were unique to a few women I’ve met from TW over the course of 10+ years and never experienced with women from other cultural/sociological backgrounds. I’ll repeat what I said before, I’ve been lucky finding some great TWese GFs without PSJ BS. There’s been a few experiences I felt were odd, and I was curious to see if such experiences were common.[/quote]
Dude,
It starts out of insecurity, but it mostly never disappears because they figure out that it
Dude, I feel for ya. It’s happened to me. These things usually come out of nowhere, and most of the time it’s when you think things are progressing nicely.
I would say, based on my exp., that if the “slight” reaction is “extreme”, as in your examples, consider it a blessing in disguise. Especially if it’s early in the courtship. After all, you did say these things happened when you were courting the girl.
If she is reacting like this at an early stage, then let her go if she doesn’t accept a sincere apology. Whatever you do, don’t grovel. Otherwise, you’re toast in her view. Write her off as high maintenance. Pure and simple. You’re a schmuck if you continue.
Just imagine what a women like that would be like later in the relationship. It’s a no-win situation for you. Also, why let them force a precedent, like; "You MUST call her ever night at XX p.m., or she’ll be in a huff about if for 48 hours, making you beg forgiveness until the next time?
No way.
OTOH, if it is YOU that sets rigid time lines and dates, and you fail repeatedly, always leaving her hanging, then of course the fault is yours. But I don’t see that here.
I could go on and on. Both men and women have problems with puncuality. If she can’t see things through to relax the time constraints, then it ain’t gonna work.
This type of woman needs to be handled. Handled in a Taiwanese way. When they start this “slight” nonsense, you reply, “GAN! Ni kao yao shemme!?” “幹妳哭餓什麼!?”
Then scold them intensely but without raising your voice for about 5-7 minutes. Don
It means a woman. Literally, “Miss”. Most often (but not necessarily) used in the context of (i) Taiwanese women, who are (ii) young, and often (iii) unmarried.
[quote=“psalmanazar”]This type of woman needs to be handled. Handled in a Taiwanese way. When they start this “slight” nonsense, you reply, “GAN! Ni kao yao shemme!?” “幹妳哭餓什麼!?”
Then scold them intensely but without raising your voice for about 5-7 minutes. Don
