'Sexpats' - don't count me in!

Life Dating & Relationships
#1

The point was raised in another thread, and probably a million other times, that many white males come to Asian countries with an ‘anti-white-woman’ attitude. I have to agree with this but I have a sort of complicated question regarding this.

When I was 15 my first girlfriend, first kiss and everything was a blonde girl. I liked her a lot but we ended up not getting along. Then I dated a Sri Lankan girl, this gave me the knowledge that cultural differences can make a relationship more interesting sometimes than when you both share the same experiences. In college I was living with my Taiwanese gf, we broke up and I am now dating another Taiwanese girl. This all occurred in America but I am wondering how I would be received in Taiwan on the dating scene.

My interests developed in such a direction that I feel I don’t have much in common with the average white girl in my area. I don’t really like to drink and party and all that, which sometimes seems to be a requirement. My 3 ‘foreign’ gfs were more like me, whereas my blonde ex’s myspace is full of drunken party pics. I don’t think I am ‘anti-white-woman’ but I also feel I barely ever have much in common with them.

So I guess my question is: Will Taiwanese women IN Taiwan feel I am just another ‘sexpat’ trying to pick up on girls because I think its ‘easy,’ or will they, once hearing I dated Taiwanese in the states as well, change their opinion? Will they see that as a negative or a positive? Friends and family have asked me if my interest in Taiwan stems from my ex, but I really feel that, though she introduced me to Taiwan, my current interest in Taiwan is unrelated to her.

I hope I phrased this in an ‘answerable’ fashion, but just give me your thoughts and opinions on the issue, thanks!

#2

Depends on you mean girls in city or country of Taiwan?

#3

Hmmm, give me both scenarios if you can, haha!

#4

My question would be: Why is it that after having dated a variety of women, you still have race creeping in your bedroom?

What are you going to do when you go to Taiwan and meet a white woman, who could be single but hot? Still say she doesn’t have anything in common with you? You single out your twenty something ex’s drunk pics on myspace as a reason for not having anything in common with white women. Let’s think a little deeper about that one. And as for not having anything in common with girls in your area, are you not judging to harshly? Or being too selective? You can’t really tell what you have in common with someone until you get to know them, or participate in some similar activity with them.

Yea my guess TWese woman will feel you are a ‘sexpat’ if you mackin’(hitting on them) with sexual overtones. And if you tell them that you dated TWese women in the States, they could draw that conclusion or see you as someone who isn’t. It’s a case by case thing.

It’s hard to give a definitive answer for such a question. People are complicated and too diverse.

#5

You realize that plenty of Taiwanese girls like to party, right? :s It’s not a “white-girl” thing, thank God. :pray:
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#6

What’s your question? Will you get any anti white racism directed at you? Yes, and not only from freaky white people on forums.

And because you are ‘anti-white girl’, who do you expect to answer your newbie Qs? Because like it or not, we’re the ones that speak English. Will you be able to make friends with white boys? How will you find sour cream or know which visa to get?

#7

If you don’t have much in common with the “average white girl” in your area, why not try looking for the “more interesting white girls” in your area, or the “more interesting ______(insert whatever race here) girls” in your area. It really sounds like you’re basing your preference on an isolated relationship and then generalizing about the race from there on, similar to if not the same as what you seem to be doing regarding the relationships you had with Taiwanese girls. I’m not saying you have to date white people (scandal!!!), but keep your mind a bit more open.

So, what is your current interest in Taiwan based on?

#8

Judging all white women on a girlfriend you had at 15 doesn’t sound too smart. Basing anything on what you did/thought when you were 15 won’t get you far.

Women are women, same as men are men. Doesn’t matter what race/ethnicity/color they are. There’ll always be good ones and there’ll always be assholes and there’ll always be everything in between.

I’ve got a Pakistani born, English raised friend who’s a Muslim. She was (maybe still is, but i haven’t seen her in a couple of years) a party animal, who loved going out drinking and smoking the green. Would I base all Pakistani Muslims on her?

I’ve got an Irish friend, who’s an athiest. She doesn’t drink, doesn’t party, volunteers her spare time for various causes. Would I base all Irish girls on her?

If you’re coming to Taiwan with your primary intent being to find a girl, then you’ll be judged accordingly. If you’re coming here primarily to work or study, then you aren’t likely to be judged as a sexpat (unless you actions in picking up warrant that).

#9

a 15 year old boy and girl didn’t have anything in common? Really?
And I hate to break it to you, but the girls here drink and party. I know this because as a white woman who doesn’t drink or party, I get asked out to go get drunk by my local female friends on a regular basis. Who don’t understand the concept of “I don’t drink”

#10

Why don’t you date an older woman? :howyoudoin:

#11

Honestly, I used to feel the same way myself - but it was more of an “anti-white man” thing for me. I thought that none of the white guys in my university were very interesting because they were all busy getting drunk etc and I exoticized several of the foreign students because they seemed far more sophisticated, cultured, etc. Then I got older and I realized that in fact the foreign students I was so enamored of were exactly the same. They spent a significant amount of time getting trashed and the only reason I liked them better was because they were more pretentious.

What did i do about it? I raised my standards for friends AND boy/girlfriends. Turns out there are plenty of interesting people all over the world who don’t love to drink and party (exclusively) if you look for them - foreign and not foreign, too. Now I’m with a painfully unexotic Canadian guy (to my American girl) and it’s the best thing I’ve ever had. You need to look at what kind of people you’re with, rather than nationality. Trust me, you could find someone you never would have met otherwise if you do.

#12

Really, the word “sexpat” doesn’t exactly apply to guys (or girls) who come to Taiwan or Japan looking for a boy/girlfriend. It’s a term that’s more accurately applied to a certain type of (almost always) male expat who lives in a place like Thailand, Cambodia, the Philippines, that goes there solely because it’s full of cheap prostitutes and cheap beer. So it doesn’t really apply to Taiwan, anymore than you’d call someone who moves to Finland because he has a fetish for tall blondes a “sexpat” (and yes, there are plenty of guys who do move to countries in Europe solely for the purpose of finding a bride/girlfriend).

#13

Calling Duckman…Duckman…clean-up on aisle 3…

Be careful posting things like this unless you are wearing a kevlar ego guard.

#14

You realize that plenty of Taiwanese girls like to party, right? :s It’s not a “white-girl” thing, thank God. :pray:
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[/quote]

I knew there was a reason we never banned you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

#15

Let’s give this guy a break. He’s young, and life is for learning.

Ian… what everyone said was pretty much on the money, IMO. Most folks are just folks. Anyway, what most folks think don’t matter… what matters is what the folks you like and respect think. The world is full of great girls/women… and plenty of bad ones, too. Its up to you to sort out the ones close to you.

#16

Well, if you ask my man he will tell you that we are just as much a pain in the ass.

#17

Actually, I kinda expected this reaction. But I figured its okay to tell my true feelings, and I DO know they are prejudiced in some ways. I really did grow up in a place where every white person I ran into was a pot-head highschool drop out, until I went off to college I was REALLY thinking all white people were like that. But Since then I have learned a lot.

So I really do thank you guys for explaining your views, I guess sometimes I need to be reminded I am thinking in a skewed way. I’m only 23 now and I have a lot of time to meet new people and change my world view, which as an American, I’d expect is pretty narrow.

I guess these kinds of preconceptions are just really hard to push out of the way no matter how much you know factually, its more of an emotional response in the back of your head.

#18

Well, if you ask my man he will tell you that we are just as much a pain in the ass.[/quote]

A pain in the ass because a younger man doesn’t like to be proven wrong so often, haha!

#19

Oh shit. Then my man should be blissful…

#20

Maybe he is smarter than the rest of us then, or me at least.