I’m getting to be at least half-serious with this question, so here it is. I hope someone can explain to me why it’s a bad idea.
I’ve heard of schools that yell at kids, and force them to shout back. Sounds awful. I’m sure there must be a better way, but don’t teach kids so it’s not really my problem.
I teach adults, and there is a certain class of student that I’ve reached the end of my patience with. It’s not universal, so let’s talk about the others first.
Some people go through their school years feeling motivated and rewarded by their English experiences. By the time they reach university age they’re pretty much at a level where they don’t need formal instruction, although they sometimes show up in classes looking for chances to keep practising. They’re not the problem.
Others, at some point in life but not necessarily in school, just decide that they want to learn English. The important thing is that they really want to. They watch movies, read, even listen ICRT and still manage to do pretty well. I’ve met taxi drivers that can hold a decent conversation, waitresses, random strangers, and a few of the better local teachers of English have little or no formal education in the language. They’re good at it because they genuinely want to be, and they’re good at it, genuinely. Great.
Then there are the people who attend English classes. It’s not true to say they really study. They’re locked into bad habits, focus on the answer to the question instead of producing language (ie one-word answers), expect to be entertained, don’t do homework, gleefully write down new words they don’t have a hope of ever using properly, and are basically wasting yours and their time.
I’ve tried teaching the book, and they complain it’s boring because they know it all already, which is true. I’ve tried activities and not corrected them, to encourage them to overcome their shyness, focusing on fluency. I’ve tried, with different groups over several years, gently correcting the most common errors only. I’ve corrected errors retrospectively as feedback. I’ve tried stopping them and reminding them of what they know as soon as errors appear. I’ve tried insisting on perfection. I’ve tried focusing on ‘the task’, whatever it might be, and if they’re motivated to complete the task they forget about the language they’re supposed to be ‘activating’. None of it makes the slightest bit of fucking difference, not even if the correct sentence pattern is written on the board in front of them.
These people are just not actively processing. They’re not thinking or trying to correct their fundamental problems. They’re just doing what they’ve always done and expecting a different result. And usually they don’t really want to be there. They’re there “because my English is not very well” and have only the vaguest of goals. Exam-prep classes are a bit better, but most students are aiming too high. They’re trying to write academic English, but still make basic errors.
Here’s a conversation last night, from an intermediate class. The book is, in theory, well within the capabilities of the students.
Student 1: When you go to there?
Teacher: (coughs, taps board gently, pointing at the model)
S1: Sorry! When did you go to there?
S2: I go there…
T: I…
S2: I went there at 3pm
S1: Why you went to there?
T:
S1: Why did you went there?
T: Look at the board.
S1: … Why… did… you… go?
T:
S1: there?
S2: I go there …
T: :taz:
I have 13-yr old “low ability” students who don’t go to buxibans but can manage “teacher, when you come Taiwan?” Is it so unreasonable to expect someone who has been through many more years of formal study and is now in their twenties to be able to do just a little bit better? Ten years of English education, movies in English, classes 2-3 nights a week for recent months, and an example on the board in front of you, and this is the best you can do? What is being done wrong here?
I’ve finally, sadly, concluded that the problem is nothing to do with methodology, material, teaching style, or anything that the school or teacher have any control over. The problem lies with whatever it is they do to young Taiwanese people during senior high school that prevents them from ever learning anything again. It’s like some part of the brain is deactivated in order to prevent them ever learning anything that might rock the boat.
(A friend of mine told me last night about what a great fun class she just had, what an interesting discussion it was, etc. So what? I have fun too. I have my students do all sorts of cool stuff, but it’s always in broken English. They don’t really focus on learning or improving. They’re just having fun.)
So, would this work?
The class runs on the premise that everybody is a beginner, nobody knows anything worth knowing. In fact, you have to unlearn your habits, which will be done in the only way you understand: by forcing/stressing you. You will be drilled with the correct sentence patterns. You will not be shy. You will shout your answers. Any mistakes will be corrected immediately, loudly, and publicly. You will be punished for getting it wrong. The class will not pretend to be fun or enlightened. You’re there to do as you’re told. The teacher is not your friend. He despises you for your failure, and will continue to despise you until you change your ways.
Boot camp English. Sounds awful. But being nice to people doesn’t seem to help them, it just amuses them.
(OK, maybe they’re not really there with the expectation of improving. Most seem to have no idea what they really want, and it’s not fair to give them a hard time for the inadequacies of the system they grew up in. But these classes are becoming excruciating.)
Even if it would work, would anybody buy such a class?