Literally: Steve Seagal – Lawman
guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/ … gal-lawman
youtube.com/watch?v=99E16w0PxCA
It took about five minutes for me to realize this wasn’t a joke. You have to give him credit, the man sure does make the most of those 15 minutes of fame, doesn’t he?
This looks almost as good as the zombie flick he made:
youtube.com/watch?v=ggGoakTn1ao
Steven Seagal: What does it take to change the essence of a man?
A: (Uttered between painful, wracking sobs) “Time, it takes time.” 
If you read his bio he’s really quite a guy with a lot of stuff under his belt. I just find him entertaining for the big head factor.
He’s full of crap. He’s from So. Cal. near where I used to live. Not Detroit or where ever he claims to be from this week.
Most of what he claims to have achieved is B.S. He’s been debunked by so many martial arts magazines and ex-friends it’s not worth mentioning. His akido was really beautiful when he was younger but I know a few guys who studied martial arts in the 50’s and 60’s in Japan and they were way more hardcore than he was.
Above the Law was a good action movie and it was exciting to see him do his moves when he was still able to bend over and touch his toes. That was it. He should have retired to Malibu and open a freak camp moving energy around the shakras with crystals and sage sticks.
He’s a fruitloop.
Hollywood has aided in pumping his ego up so much that his brain has become fossilized in a cake of shit. That’s why his head is so large. He believes that he is a re-incarnated Tibetan holyman. He claims he did black-op and wet work for the CIA. A friend I know who interviewed him confirmed that he was baking pies on a cold grill.
His Chinese sucks. His Japanese is laughable. He claims to be fluent in both. His wardrobe makes me wish Elvis would come back from the dead and use some “Kratty” to beat some fashion sense into his pudgy squinting-because-he’s constipated ass.
I wish all the money that was used to make his movies was put to better use. We could have fed a small African country or cured a disease.
He’s a waste of space. The next time I see him I’m going to kick him in the balls then apply the ancient art of “FootUpUass”. Then I’m going to remove his ponytail and give it to some deserving little girl with hair problems.
Not like my man Chuck Norris! Chuck never pretends that he isn’t a goofball. (Unless he’s talking politics)
Chuck’s a meatball but at least he can die with his headstone marked on it “I Was Once Killed By Bruce Lee in a Movie”
[quote]Not like my man Chuck Norris! Chuck never pretends that he isn’t a goofball. (Unless he’s talking politics)
Chuck’s a meatball but at least he can die with his headstone marked on it “I was Once Killed By Bruce Lee in a Movie”[/quote]
Seagal is right there with Van Dam, but Chuck is the man.
“They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.”
He’s full of crap. He’s from So. Cal. near where I used to live. Not Detroit or where ever he claims to be from this week.
Most of what he claims to have achieved is B.S. He’s been debunked by so many martial arts magazines and ex-friends it’s not worth mentioning. His akido was really beautiful when he was younger but I know a few guys who studied martial arts in the 50’s and 60’s in Japan and they were way more hardcore than he was.
Above the Law was a good action movie and it was exciting to see him do his moves when he was still able to bend over and touch his toes. That was it. He should have retired to Malibu and open a freak camp moving energy around the shakras with crystals and sage sticks.
He’s a fruitloop.
Hollywood has aided in pumping his ego up so much that his brain has become fossilized in a cake of shit. That’s why his head is so large. He believes that he is a re-incarnated Tibetan holyman. He claims he did black-op and wet work for the CIA. A friend I know who interviewed him confirmed that he was baking pies on a cold grill.
His Chinese sucks. His Japanese is laughable. He claims to be fluent in both. His wardrobe makes me wish Elvis would come back from the dead and use some “Kratty” to beat some fashion sense into his pudgy squinting-because-he’s constipated ass.
I wish all the money that was used to make his movies was put to better use. We could have fed a small African country or cured a disease.
He’s a waste of space. The next time I see him I’m going to kick him in the balls then apply the ancient art of “FootUpUass”. Then I’m going to remove his ponytail and give it to some deserving little girl with hair problems.
Not like my man Chuck Norris! Chuck never pretends that he isn’t a goofball. (Unless he’s talking politics)
Chuck’s a meatball but at least he can die with his headstone marked on it “I Was Once Killed By Bruce Lee in a Movie”[/quote]
You misspelled ‘Froot Loop’, so I will disregard your other points and assume that Seagal = ninja x pirate x robot to the one billionth power.
There always seemed to be something a tad phony and arrogant about Seagull. Never cared for him, myself.
Yup, Mr. Seagul is a bit bloated in his more recent movies. What’s he on?
Considering the way he’s been pumping out DVD releases, prolly amphetamine.
Did anyone catch the line in the clip for his new show that, “…he’s been a deputy sheriff in this town for 20 years” or something to that effect? So in between the direct-to-DVD releases, the country music gigs, and flying back and forth to Asia to be knighted a reincarnated lama, he’s also been a deputy sheriff in a small town. Amazing.
Steven Seagal is the wonderbread of media personalities.
He can’t act for toffee, and he’s as sure as shite no musician…
At least you know what you’re going to get with a Seagal movie. He’s going to bust the heads of bad guys. Is that so wrong? Nowadays he doesn’t move around. He just stands there and lets them come at him so he can throw them around.
It is SO wrong.
Especially as he’s a BAD guy.
Aside from all of that, when watching the youtube clip I was surprised how fat and jowly he is for a guy who makes a living pretending he’s a tough guy.
As someone who refuses to watch a film that doesn’t predominantly have fighting or dinosaurs in it, I’d say he’s not really ‘up there’ as a M.A. action hero, but he had something once. But he’s no Jean Claude van Damme, and ‘On Deadly Ground’ is one of the worst pieces of shit you can imagine. It’s like that cool film about volcanos, but not cool.
He did write a letter about dogs, though.
Isn’t he about 60?
Read about Seagal in “Virtual Tibet,” by Orville Schell. Apparently he drove Schell around and offered him hookers.
Somewhere, there’s a band called “Flock of Steven Seagals.” (Really!)
