Still Having Issues with Gawkers

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
1

It’s been almost 10 years since I first set foot in Taiwan and started facing the everyday adversities of living in an Asian country, but perhaps I was never fully prepared for the people who stare.

In Canada, it is considered bad manners to stare at people in public places and so I brought these values with me. Of course in Canada it is considered bad manners to do a lot of things so perhaps the comparison is unfair. I have also considered the differences in culture with regard to staring, in addition to what the TW call bad manners and it still does not add up.

So instead I looked to myself. I am a relatively attractive guy and a smart dresser, and I am white. These things would turn people’s heads in most Asian countries, but certainly do not justify gawking as if I had just debarked from a flight from Mars.

However, I am also slightly paranoid and sometimes easily irritated. So it could be that I make a mountain out of a mole hill sometimes when I notice people staring at me. I should add that I am still a little insecure about my place in TW society and respectful of my residency so I tend to relish a low-profile most of the time.

When I am unduly noticed, I cringe. But, considering the prevalence of white Western people in this big city, it amazes me that it is still happening after all these years…and still bothering me.

There is one more thing that adds to the mix: I have been told by quite a few TW men that I am handsome. It usually happens in a classroom but sometimes it just happens in a supermarket or on the street. I usually laugh it off because, even though I have nothing against gay people, I am secure enough in my straight sexuality to appreciate the comment and consider this another reason why people stare at me.

I would hate to be really good looking at get stared at by both sexes all the time. I can’t imagine how awful that would be. So although I am a socially outgoing person, I am not a “look at me” person at the best of times.

I think the time that I am bothered the most by staring is when I am patronizing a restaurant where I am a regular. It always occurs to me that people are waiting for me to open my mouth and make some sort of language mistake, or fumble around looking for chopsticks, napkins and side dishes so they can leap out of their chairs and smooth things out for me.

I generally stare back at them until they look away. It is the only mechanism I have for dealing with this problem.
At any rate, I am wondering if any other longtimers in TW suffer the same problems I do and what you do about it, internally and externally?

2

Which city are you in? Taipei is like a breath of fresh air compared to Chiayi City. No one stares at me there.

3

In a nutshell the problem is entirely yours. I’ve been in that state: had a couple bad depressive episodes over the years, had periods where I moved and had no close friends, and it was easy to consider the really minor annoyances we face here as debilitating obstacles. They aren’t but telling yourself that doesn’t help much.

Counselling could help. It’s great to talk to someone completely non-judgmental and often you can pick up some good tips. Meditation is effective. Regular exercise to limit stress.

Being busy can also do wonders. keep your mind adsorbed on your own thoughts and plans and the stuff that happens around you won’t matter.

Anyway, good luck.

4

It’s easier to deal with when you are part of a group of foreigners or with your partner or family here. The only way to really deal with it is to try and ignore it most of the time and avoid the places where you are going to really stick out like a sore thumb.

I will never like the staring as long as I live here but you just have to deal with it. I used to get more when I was younger and more handsome (on Taiwanese scale :slight_smile:). Now that I have kids a fair amount of attention transfers to them too. And yes the among of staring is related to how white and handsome/pretty/tall you are! It is not the same for every foreigner by a long shot.
Another good idea is to go to places where foreigners are more common.
Like MM said this is obviously related to your emotional state more than anything.

5

Great advice… if you live in Taipei. In the smaller cities, you will stick out no matter where you go. :laughing: There is simply no escaping the gawkers. Sometimes, I like to stare back and see who will flinch first.

6

[quote=“wonder”]It’s been almost 10 years since I first set foot in Taiwan and started facing the everyday adversities of living in an Asian country, but perhaps I was never fully prepared for the people who stare.

In Canada, it is considered bad manners to stare at people in public places and so I brought these values with me. Of course in Canada it is considered bad manners to do a lot of things so perhaps the comparison is unfair. I have also considered the differences in culture with regard to staring, in addition to what the TW call bad manners and it still does not add up.

So instead I looked to myself. I am a relatively attractive guy and a smart dresser, and I am white. These things would turn people’s heads in most Asian countries, but certainly do not justify gawking as if I had just debarked from a flight from Mars.

However, I am also slightly paranoid and sometimes easily irritated. So it could be that I make a mountain out of a mole hill sometimes when I notice people staring at me. I should add that I am still a little insecure about my place in TW society and respectful of my residency so I tend to relish a low-profile most of the time.

When I am unduly noticed, I cringe. But, considering the prevalence of white Western people in this big city, it amazes me that it is still happening after all these years…and still bothering me.

There is one more thing that adds to the mix: I have been told by quite a few TW men that I am handsome. It usually happens in a classroom but sometimes it just happens in a supermarket or on the street. I usually laugh it off because, even though I have nothing against gay people, I am secure enough in my straight sexuality to appreciate the comment and consider this another reason why people stare at me.

I would hate to be really good looking at get stared at by both sexes all the time. I can’t imagine how awful that would be. So although I am a socially outgoing person, I am not a “look at me” person at the best of times.

I think the time that I am bothered the most by staring is when I am patronizing a restaurant where I am a regular. It always occurs to me that people are waiting for me to open my mouth and make some sort of language mistake, or fumble around looking for chopsticks, napkins and side dishes so they can leap out of their chairs and smooth things out for me.

I generally stare back at them until they look away. It is the only mechanism I have for dealing with this problem.
At any rate, I am wondering if any other longtimers in TW suffer the same problems I do and what you do about it, internally and externally?[/quote]

You need to get over it. It ain’t going away even if you have a stare down with every person in the country. It bugged me when I first got here, I actually used to wink and blow kisses at guys on the MRT who gawked at me just to entertain myself.

Nothing works, deal with it and move on or continue to drive yourself insane projecting your behavior and norms on people who haven’t a clue.

7

OP, I’m not questioning your perception of events, but some of this might be in your own head. Yeah, sometimes people gawp. Usually little kids. Who cares? Sometimes people tell you you’re handsome. They’re just practicing their engrish; it’s probably the only phrase they can remember. You might also want to track down that Twilight Zone episode where someone was punished by being “made invisible” (ie., had a mark placed on his head so that people would ignore him) … just to reflect on the alternative.

Basically, +1 to what MM and DD said: you need to find something important to occupy yourself so that you’re not sidetracked by stuff that (in the grand scheme of things) doesn’t matter in the slightest.

8

Just pull your best crazy war face, and all heads will turn away.

9

I generally walk over and stand next to the blatant slack jawed gawkers and stare at them, and by next to them I mean “next to them” a hairs breath away. No movement, no talking, just locked on their eyes… when they move I move… this lasts about ten seconds before they get uncomfortable, or self conscious or angry and storm off.

Gawking is rude we ALL know it; for Christs’ sake animals know it, trying to write if off as anything other than rude is doing mental gymnastics. It is rude for Taiwanese people and they refrain from doing it to each other , doing it to you is a passive aggressive way of saying you have less value and deserve less public respect or “face” than other people and that is bullshit.

I deserve the same amount of respect as any other person in a public place, pride and the inability to suffer idiots forces to me to not tolerate being treated like a second class citizen…

10

[quote=“finley”]OP, I’m not questioning your perception of events, but some of this might be in your own head. Yeah, sometimes people gawp. Usually little kids. Who cares? Sometimes people tell you you’re handsome. They’re just practicing their engrish; it’s probably the only phrase they can remember. You might also want to track down that Twilight Zone episode where someone was punished by being “made invisible” (ie., had a mark placed on his head so that people would ignore him) … just to reflect on the alternative.

Basically, +1 to what MM and DD said: you need to find something important to occupy yourself so that you’re not sidetracked by stuff that (in the grand scheme of things) doesn’t matter in the slightest.[/quote]
:unamused: Ohhhh… I call complete bs on all of that. Again, it is great advice… if you live in Taipei. In other parts of Taiwan (yes, there are other parts of Taiwan besides Taipei), this isn’t practical. You WILL be gawked at on a daily basis. Let’s be honest, have any of you lived in a city outside of Taipei for any real length of time? I am poked and gawked at on a daily basis. People who haven’t lived outside of Taipei have absolutely no idea. It’s always funny to read their opinions though…

11

Having lived outside Taipei for my first few years here,I can safely say that while there’s a bit of gawking, its nothing at all like most other countries in Asia that I’ve spent substantial time in. Taiwan has so little gawking compared to somewhere like India that it’s barely noticeable here.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

12

point taken…

13

Taipei is completely and utterly different from most of the rest of Taiwan when it comes to gawking. I lived in Pingtung for over six years and it was awful…the pointing and staring really wore on me and made me uncomfortable. I had experienced the ‘fishbowl syndrome’ in other countries I had lived in before moving to Taiwan, but the difference was that in Taiwan it always felt so much more negative and invasive. I used to hate how they would watch everything I’d do, what I would buy in the supermarket, etc.

I remember shopping in Costcos with my husband and a middle-aged woman actually coming up to our cart and moving things around to see what we had in there. Naturally, my husband went up to her cart and started doing the same thing. :laughing: That made her laugh, possibly because she realized what an idiot she was being, but that invasiveness in behavior really annoyed me after a while. I never quite got used to it.

There are a lot of Southeast Asians living in the UAE, where I live now. Yes, they also stare, which is annoying, and I think it is less ‘innocent’ than Taiwanese staring. But lots of Taiwanese also giggled, shouted, pointed, and generally acted like primates oftentimes along with the staring, drawing additional attention from others. That’s beyond irritating! :astonished:

14

We aren’t talking about other countries. Taipei and the rest of Taiwan are completely different. Most people posting here live in Taipei and aren’t subjected to the daily harassment. When they have lived outside of their “Taipei bubble” for any real length of time is when I will listen to them.

15

[quote=“Indiana”]Taipei is completely and utterly different from most of the rest of Taiwan when it comes to gawking. I lived in Pingdong for over six years and it was awful…the pointing and staring really wore on me and made me uncomfortable. I had experienced the ‘fishbowl syndrome’ in other countries I had lived in before moving to Taiwan, but the difference was that in Taiwan it always felt so much more negative and invasive. I used to hate how they would watch everything I’d do, what I would buy in the supermarket, etc.

I remember shopping in Costcos with my husband and a middle-aged woman actually coming up to our cart and moving things around to see what we had in there. Naturally, my husband went up to her cart and started doing the same thing. :laughing: That made her laugh, possibly because she realized what an idiot she was being, but that invasiveness in behavior really annoyed me after a while. I never quite got used to it.

There are a lot of Southeast Asians living in the UAE, where I live now. Yes, they also stare, which is annoying, and I think it is less ‘innocent’ than Taiwanese staring. But lots of Taiwanese also giggled, shouted, pointed, and generally acted like primates oftentimes along with the staring, drawing additional attention from others. That’s beyond irritating! :astonished:[/quote]
Perfectly written. :notworthy: Even my wife is tired of the locals staring at her, trying to figure out if she is a foreigner (she’s Taiwanese).

16

Wow. Do you people have, like, goat’s feet and horns or something? I’ve never experienced anything even approaching that level of gawking; if anything, it’s less out in the sticks. What I get instead (in 7-11, restaurants, etc) is female employees looking at me like I’m going to pounce on them and eat them. It’s the same look small dogs give you when they’re wondering if they’ve done something wrong and are about to get a spanking.

Maybe I’m just not worth gawping at.

17

Wow. Do you people have, like, goat’s feet and horns or something? I’ve never experienced anything even approaching that level of gawking; if anything, it’s less out in the sticks. What I get instead (in 7-11, restaurants, etc) is female employees looking at me like I’m going to pounce on them and eat them. It’s the same look small dogs give you when they’re wondering if they’ve done something wrong and are about to get a spanking.

Maybe I’m just not worth gawping at.[/quote]
I’m going to call you on this… which cities have you lived in outside of Taipei? It’s less in the sticks? That is so full of crap that I don’t even know what to say. Which city do you live in?

18

I’ve lived in Taipei for many years, also Miaoli and Taichung. It took me a few years to develop a sort od tolerance to staring in Taipei.
Lived in Miaoli for a short while, very low-key Hakka people, low population density , just wasn’t a problem there in general.
Taichung city attracts more stares, also due to population density and lack of white foreigners here. A lot of people give my kids too much attention, that’s the main problem we encounter, even if it is the friendly curious sort. There’s a lack of young kids here let alone mixed kids. I mean pretty much every Taiwanese we pass on the street will stare at us or glance sideways when passing. It is what it is. You just got to get on with things. When people overdo it though I will let them know in no ucertain terms.

19

We aren’t talking about other countries. Taipei and the rest of Taiwan are completely different. Most people posting here live in Taipei and aren’t subjected to the daily harassment. When they have lived outside of their “Taipei bubble” for any real length of time is when I will listen to them.[/quote]

Even outside Taipei (I lived in Changhua for 6 years), the gawking isn’t a big deal, it’s fairly minimal. Even at its worst, it’s got nothing on the rest of Asia.

20

You seem to think your experience is the only legit one. I get gawked at less in my town outside Kaohsiung than I do in Tainan and downtown Kaohsiung. 98% begin speaking to me in Mandarin in my town and I’ve even had quite a few speak to me in Taiwanese. When I go to Tainan or Kaohsiung, I get gawked at. I’ve had quite a few girls want to take pictures with me, and many people start speaking in broken English with me. It’s a noticeable difference. Even my girlfriend has commented on it. The smaller towns leave me alone, the bigger cities don’t. She thinks it’s because town folk are more timid.