Let me start this one with the guy that tried robbing a karate school full of black belt students…
How 'bout an all new Dumb Posters thread for long-time posters who cannot use the [url] tag functions properly?
Edit: Oh, you fixed it.
How about you stop being such a smelly boy?
P.S. I’d like to see YOU doing one of those snazzy link things like what I just did.
(He’s talking to you.)
A criminal defense attorney was cross-examing a witness about a particulary stupid criminal. The defense councel askes the witness, " You have just testified that the defendant bit off the nose of the victim. Now please tell us how you know that. Did you see him bite his nose off? The witness answered hesitatingly, “Well, no I didn’t actually see him bite his nose off”. The defense attorney, being of an acumen far beyond mortals, asked, “Well how in the hell can you testify to this poor soul biting off the nose of this so-called victim?” The witness answered, “Well, I guess because I saw him spit it out”>
This might be aptly entitled, "The rape that didn’t happen.
A young man was washing his truck near the street when a particularly cute girl walked by. (Now, I might be exaggerating here just a bit) They strike up a conversation and the conversation ends up with the Defendant having sex with the girl in the bed of his pickup. (I dinn’t say that either one was very intelligent). In any event, shortly after, Department of Social and Health Services (our heros) hone in on the young man, of course aided by the local constabulary. The young man freely confesses that, yes, they did have sex in his truck and it was one of those consensual acts that even he regretted.
(Do you think he was lying) A few days latter he is charged with aggravated rape. (The jist of the charge was that the woman (a married woman, age 32 was under the care of DSHS and therefore DSHS must give permission for any intercourse.) It it went to trial. The final blow came when defense counsel asked DSHS witness, “Is the victim married? She answers, Well, yes she is and they have a happy life togeter.” Case closed. Acquited. (If it isn’t clear- How can a mentally retarded woman consent to sex with a State sponsored marriage and yet deny an extramarital affair when there was no evidence of force?)
I didn’t say I agree but those are the basic facts. Stupid criminal? Stupid victim? Stupid States witnesses? Hell if I know, but he walked (ran).
Then, of course, there is the man of great mental ability that walks into a bank, walks up to the form counter, takes out his checkbook, and writes a “hold up note” on the back side of his deposit form. He presents it and is rewarded with . . . . . 30 years. Stupid F**k in soooooo many ways.
Supid victim number 65476567
A man and woman have drinks in the local bar. She ends up in his car and in front of his trailer-trash house. She claims that she was abducted and forced to perform perverted acts in his house ( tears and howling flowed freely during trial) The defendant stood his ground.
Upon cross-examination, it is asked about how the defendant got her into his home. She explains that after they got to his house, he stopped the car and she got out on her side and he got out on his side. They went into the house.
Acquitted. If you don’t get this, count yourself among the “stupid victims”.
A man walked into a Circle-K in Louisiana, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15.
Enigma, that’s a fascinating story. I always wondered what the law was about retarded sex. (Guess I’d better be more careful in the future.)
Are you concerned that someone might try to take advantage of you?
Ouch!
HG
touche!
I define retarded sex as the result of keeping the tube of KY too close to the tube of superglue.
In my inglorious days as a nut house nurse, I recall a staff member advising a man with very limited intelligence that toothpaste was a good proxy for lubricant. Soon after there were howls of pain from behind some bushes.
To my colleague’s credit, he really didn’t think the poor chap and his equally challenged girlfriend were quite so lacking in grey substance to believe him. Then again, they were certifiably retarded.
HG
[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]In my inglorious days as a nut house nurse, I recall a staff member advising a man with very limited intelligence that toothpaste was a good proxy for lubricant. Soon after their were howls of pain from behind some bushes.
To my colleague’s credit, he really didn’t think the poor chap and his equally challenged girlfriend were quite so lacking in grey substance to believe him. Then again, they were certifiably retarded.
HG[/quote]
Does the fluoride or something cause plain? or is it just the texture of the paste. Then again, I don’t really want to know… and yet.
No one ever put toothpaste on your balls when you were an adolescent? You mean you didn’t have any friends at all?
HG
[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]No one ever put toothpaste on your balls when you were an adolescent? You mean you didn’t have any friends at all?
HG[/quote]
I think we were too busy running around, screaming, and beating each other to pieces than to calm down, and actually engage in odd, but compelling scientific experiments on each other. Must be a cultural thing. Either that or it was too fricking cold in Canada to even consider exposing your balls.
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/1821311.stm
[quote]Police officers followed their noses to catch three takeaway thieves who ambushed a delivery worker, hitting him over the head with a bag of prawn crackers.
A trail of curry sauce led police to the hiding place of brothers, Joseph and Carl May, and their 21-year-old accomplice, Colin Brownjohn. [/quote]