[quote=“finley”]
Well, only in public. I specifically meant if she comes to his flat and starts being abusive; try being abusive back. Worked for me (to my complete amazement). I can’t help thinking that a classic psycho xiaojie has a screwed-up opinion of what a “real man” is. If you treat them with respect, they’ll walk all over you; treat them like dirt and they back off. I hate behaving like that, but it achieved the desired result, and more importantly, I only had to do it once or twice.[/quote]
Point - counter-point: this behavior got me more trouble. Maybe my ex wasn’t a real psycho xiaojie, though she did indeed call my office, threaten to off herself and disappeared for several days.
[quote=“spaint”]
Point - counter-point: this behavior got me more trouble. Maybe my ex wasn’t a real psycho xiaojie, though she did indeed call my office, threaten to off herself and disappeared for several days.[/quote]
Dude, run away. Run away as fast as you possibly can. Speak with the landlord. Try to get your deposit back. Let her keep the first month’s rent. It can only get worse. Take it from someone who has been lit on fire…literally.
[quote=“finley”][quote=“spaint”]
Point - counter-point: this behavior got me more trouble. Maybe my ex wasn’t a real psycho xiaojie, though she did indeed call my office, threaten to off herself and disappeared for several days.[/quote]
Sounds like a result to me [/quote]
Don’t think the ex you dealt with was really psycho. The real psycho ones can’t be deterred so simply, and aggravation really can escalate the situation to actual wrist slitting, CO2 asphyxiation, balcony jumping, or harm to the target they’re obsessed with, throwing sulfuric acid on the person who dumped her or his family members/future gfs.
There are some real nutters out there, and the OP’s ex sounds like she could turn out to be troublesome. Better safe than sorry.
The ones who will back off when you’re cold, cruel, or mean to them are still normal people, maybe people with huge insecurities and personality problems, but still normal enough to see reason.
Well, fair point. I agree there are some completely irrational people out there - real psychos. The OPs first course of action would be to remove himself from trouble. It may not be the manly thing to do, but running away very fast solves most problems like this.
On the other hand, the acid-throwing, knife-wielding types must be far less common than the type that will respond to a firm “get out of my flat” (or however you want to phrase that . Only the OP knows for sure which one she is. Yet I can’t help wondering if the acid-throwers only do as they do because nobody has ever called them on their behaviour. Bullies invariably respond well to a good slapdown - as personal experience, research, and the occasional video on YouTube demonstrates. I can’t recall if it was in this thread or another, but someone posted a story about a PXJ who justified her behaviour with “because you let me”.
Also, I wouldn’t classify refusing to be blackmailed as ‘aggravation’. If given the choice between complying with the blackmailer’s request and calling their bluff, it’s worth trying the latter, at least if you’re sure you will walk away alive. Blackmail is a disgusting thing - threatening to off yourself is on a par with threatening someone else’s life - and you should resist it as a matter of principle, if you can. If someone actually does off themselves (an extremely remote possibility), well, that’s their own decision, not yours.
OP you may be the brave King Arthur, but this girl is the little killer rabbit. Believe me, she’ll bite your head off. Just like the others have said- run away !
[quote=“coladag”]So I’m sure I’m not the first one to be writing about an ex, and looking for legal help but here it is. I came to Taiwan with/for my now ex and we split up about a week ago. Last weekend she showed up at my apartment and refused to leave, she’s called me over 100 times this week (not exaggerating) and I just found out she is taking the bus down from Taipei once again to see me, I’m in Kaohsiung. The first legal question is if I can get a restraining order as a foreigner without his ARC. I’m on a temporary visa for the time being, though I will be getting the ARC in a few weeks since I just took a new job. She has threatened me via email/phone/text message, saying she is going to show up at my new job, call the cops on me (for no reason I swear), and get me kicked out of my apartment as I will explain next. She has also refused to leave my apartment when I asked her nicely too. Though this has been horrible in itself, I am getting the impression that it is just the beginning. I can’t sleep at night and don’t know my legal rights here.
The second question is more complex. She helped me find my new apartment through a friends mom. We don’t have a contract, just a verbal agreement of 12,000 NT /month and a 20,000 NT deposit. My ex has threatened that if I don’t stay with her, she is going to tell the owner who doesn’t speak any English that I am a bad person and make sure I get kicked out immediately. Assuming that my ex does convince the owner of me being a bad guy, can she just kick me out on the street after taking my monthly rent only a few days ago? What will the cops due if they are called? Again not ARC, at least not yet.
I know that there is the law, and then there is what really happens with the law. If anyone has knowledge or advice I would really really appreciate it, or possibly an agency that I could call. I can’t find anything that fits my situation and I don’t know what to do. I’m out of my league and honestly a bit scared of what is going to happen.[/quote]
"Ok an update for all those kind enough to have written before. I took a lot of your advice and got the heck out the apartment. The landlord turned nasty real quick and stole my deposit, but that was too be expected. It turns out I wasn’t wrong in calling this post the Crazy Ex though. She has continued to harass me via phone and email, and facebook. And while I have deleted her friendship on FB and forwarded all her emails too a bin called “psycho”, she still is contacting me via phone around 30 times a day, and texting around 15 times/day. So now back to my questions, again I have two.
Again, can a foreigner get a restraining order in Taiwan or something similiar? I have my ARC and the rest, now I just need advice as too if and how to do this. Last time I posted, I received a variety of responses, yet none (but one kinda) of them said yes and how. I do not want to give up on this question because it is important to me and possibly to others who might face this situation.
This regards a more general matter of cell phone policy. When I first came to Taiwan, my ex and I went to the phone store bought a pre-paid phone and phone number and she used her name and address to get it for me because I did not have my ARC yet. After I broke up with her however, I went to 7-11 and changed my number and gave the company my ARC, passport, and my old address. A few days after my new number started working however, the ex got my new phone number somehow. My question is if the fact that she originally put her name and address down when I bought the phone the first time caused the phone company to “notify” her of me changing my new number and give her the said number? It didn’t really make sense too me. There is possibly one person who I know could have given her my new number, but I would like to think that they didn’t lie to my face when I questioned them. This seems like the only alternative, and I thought some of you might have some experience with changing your phone numbers. Thanks for your help in this.
You need to file a formal complaint in a police station. I believe they have the authority to accept or deny your request. They will investigate your case first and if they think it has merit, they will submit your request to the court. If they think it has no merit, they will reject your request. If that happens, you can try submitting a request directly to the court by yourself, or preferably, with the help of a competent lawyer.
Keep in mind, however, that the court will not issue a restraining order unless there is sufficient evidence to support that this woman poses a physical threat to you. Text messages, emails and phone calls are not a physical threat. They are just annoying and there are simpler alternatives to remedy this problem that do not involve the court. As such, the court will not get involved.
And also, it is very difficult to obtain a restraining order if the person harassing you isn’t a family member in the legal sense of the term. In your case, you’d be looking at pressing charges but the court will not prosecute this woman just because she is calling you and texting you.
Seriously, your best option now is to make sure that she doesn’t know where you are. Tell her you have left the country, don’t pick up the phone unless you know who is calling. Send her a photo of yourself next to the Angkor Wat or something. If you send her an e-mail, you can get software to hide your IP address so that she doesn’t know that you are in Taiwan. Hold back on the Facebook postings for a few months or block her. Eventually she will give up.
I understand why you want to go to the police to try to get a restraining order. Please forget it though, because you will fail and end up feeling worse that you do already. There are some of us who tried to use the police and courts in Taiwan where the stakes were much higher, but ended up failing and feeling much more bitter and mistreated than we did before.
Perhaps the reason why no-one on this Forum has been able to give you specific information on the restraining order is that no one here has successfully obtained one or even knows any foreigner that has. This should give you some idea of what you would be up against.
Regarding the phone number, I guess if the original one was registered under her ID number then it would be easy for her to call the phone company and ask for a new one ?
One other thing to bear in mind is that any mutual friends that you had, and of course her family, will probably help her, or at least not be willing to help you, now your relationship is over. In other words, be careful who you speak to.
Robin’s advice sounds sound. I know someone who reported harassing texts/calls to the police and was told that unless the perp is actually threatening murder, the law doesn’t care. It could be that it’s actually the police/judiciary who don’t care, but that amounts to the same thing. And ultimately a restraining order is just a piece of paper - the police rarely enforce anything, and as pgdaddy says, you’ll put yourself through an awful lot of trouble for no real result.
Your landlord taking the deposit is standard procedure. That’s life. As for the phone number, there probably are ways and means. Judging by the amount of junk texts I get, security with phone numbers is lax. But again, pgdaddy’s advice is reasonable: as long as she only has your phone number (NOT your address: make sure you divulge that strictly on a need-to-know basis) you’re more or less home and dry. Eventually she’ll find some other guy to destroy and lose interest in calling you.
[quote=“RobinTaiwan”]There are legal options but going that route can potentially aggravate your situation. Get a new place and a new job if she knows where you work. Then send her a friendly email to say goodbye and pretend you are leaving the country for good. If she thinks you left, she will not look for you.
Good luck.[/quote]
Pretty sane advice. I was also thinking of suggesting this course of action.
But Toasty’s advice is very sound too, and less extreme.
[quote=“Toasty”]And as far as the rest, OP isn’t illegal. He’s a legal visitor whose ARC and work permit are pending. He’ll be fine.
My advice to OP would be to reach out to the people around you. Explain your situation to your employer and ask for someone to talk to the ex. Also, do go to the police if she does persist in bothering you. Talk to the foreign affairs section. They are obliged to help you. Getting called to the police station will more than likely cool your ex down. In the end, I predict things will simply get better for you. Your ex will eventually cool off and leave you alone.
Final piece of advice is, ironically, not to take too much advice from foreigners on issues like these. The majority of foreigners don’t know their arse from their elbows when it comes to local issues like this.[/quote]
Depends on the country. I had to register my marriage in Taiwan with the South African Department of Home Affairs via the Liaison Office in Taipei. Later, when my son was born, I had to register his birth the same way in order for him to claim nationality and apply for his South African passport.
Not entirely correct. You can work at another school or another branch of the same chain as long as you have a work permit for the other school or branch. I fully agree with everything else you said, though.
If that person is a “mutual” Taiwanese friend, I can almost guarantee you he/she told your ex and lied to your face about it. You can take that to the bank.
I would suggest you go with someone you trust who isn’t acquainted with your ex in any way and have them help you get another cell number. Don’t give that number out to anyone who may have even the slightest relationship with your ex.
mate, regarding the nuisance phone calls and texts from the ex, i’m not sure what kind of cell phone you use, but if it happens to be an iphone, there is a nifty app called “iblacklist” where u can place numbers on a blacklist and if any texts/phonecalls come from that number they’ll automatically be filtered to a junkmail box and you’ll be none the wiser it works a treat for me and any people that i’ve decided to phase out of my life. I’m sure other phones have similar filtering apps you can use… might be worth checking out so you can have some peace of mind
Aside from the legal/ethical/moral problems with this bit of advice, gangsters are gangsters. What’s to stop them from simply taking the money and then kicking the foreigner ex-boyfriend’s ass? I mean, it’s not like he’s got a valued relationship or is even likely to be a repeat customer. And it is totally not like there’s really an honor code. In years of taking containerloads of counterfeit merchandise away from gangsters and then having to negotiate with them, I can say that they’re acutely aware of what they think they can get away with and, if at all possible, they will do it.
But on to a different issue posited by the OP. As to the ability to get a restraining order, it’s not merely foreigners who have this problem – lots of local men have problems with ex-girlfriends who call up their offices, homes, mobiles constantly.
Over the years, I’ve had a few people contact me and even hire us to deal with similar problems. The key is that there has to be a “hook” for the case – something that you can use to push back against the nutter. For example, a typical thing is for them to try to make contact with your Facebook friends and start dragging your name through the mud. If you become aware of this, then it can be worthwhile to get copies of it – you have to act fast because most friends will simply delete smears thinking that they’re doing you a favor. The good news is that once the ex starts writing to certain people, they usually can’t resist writing again to them – after all, after they’ve texted you 1,000 times, they’ve got to do something else to fill out their day. It’s possible to preserve the evidence of her texts – in one matter, we were able to take a bunch of crazy text threats from one lady (e.g., “I will put drugs in your house and send the police to you”), have a public notary review the content, review photos taken and printed out of the text-message content, the sender number, etc., and then notarize the printouts. We then had an older and experienced local Taiwan lawyer call up the woman and have a frank discussion about whether this was a good use of her time. The threats and texts ended – the whole situation had become some sort of “game” to a lonely woman.
If the person really is smearing you to your Facebook and other friends, then keep in mind that “public insult” and defamation laws (normally the bane of many foreigners who unknowingly flip off people who photograph them and then report them to the police) can be used back at them. But, again, we just use the “older experienced Taiwan lawyer” route on those too – no sense getting bogged down into a criminal case against an ex who will give up after just a phone call or so.
Excellent post, Eiger John. And a nice bit of perspective added in there that I think we all (as I think most of us have been through this sort of thing at least once) can take to heart.
Regarding the ex getting the new number.
I would be concerned if it was given out by the telephone company. If she was able to get the number, wouldn’t she be able to get the address too?
I would consider getting a new number with a new company. Maybe even try and change your address with the current phone company (usually done over the phone-with me anyway) before you cancel -should you decide to.Then should she try and obtain your address (if she doesn’t already have it) it would be a new address you don’t live at.
I would probably have them change it to your old address say a month before I cancel.
But there is usually a cancellation fee. You could get a new number and discard the current sim card, paying off the monthly fee until you can cancel it after the contract is up.
Or maybe someone you know has given her your new number. It would be someone both of you know in Taiwan or even on Facebook.
You could make a list and figure out who those people are.
Are non contract numbers still available in Taiwan? The ones you buy in the 7-11?
No addresses etc needed for those.
Dear all,
I am the crazy ex he mentioned, funny I would find this post as I was browsing throught this site I told him in the first place. I’m kindly advising you guys to never offer any advise to anyone when you have not heard the whole story. I’m too tired to tell you what really happened between us, but to put it simply, we had been together for one year, we met at a school in sydney, then he invited me over to the US for Christmas to meet his family, then he moved to Taiwan “for” me. After a couple of months, he threatened the relationship was really over because I did not agree to sign an english school for him. We were never married and I was not even sure if the relationship was serious. Just so you know, all the things he said about me was over-exaggerated, and if you ask anyone who truly knows me, they all think what this guy “coladag” said and imagined the kind of person I might be was seriously the biggest joke they’ve ever heard. That’s why he is still making empty threats towards me about going for legal actions. Every mutural friend of ours saw the whole thing between us and did not want to speak to him anymore because how badly he had treated me with this kind of twisted thought. I know you are all foreigners in taiwan and wanna feel respected, I sincerely ask you guys to start respecting us Taiwanese people in the first place. Otherwise I think this entire discussion is simply out of hatred toward Asian people, esp. girls, and full of discriminative comments. I have many many friends from all over the world, and I have lived in English speaking countries for many years. This “coladag” guy is seriously the most ridicuous ex I had ever associated with and I regretted having even talked to this guy in the first place. Lastly, word of advice, really, not every girl is crazy. A lot of the actions came from how the guy treated the girl in the first place, zero respect, cheating and full of lies. Never use people if you can’t handle the consequences. God bless everyone, especially this guy “Coladag” who claims to be Christian and had “taught” me all the “good Christian morals”. I hope you guys are well.
[quote=“molly1985”]Dear all,
I am the crazy ex he mentioned, funny I would find this post as I was browsing throught this site I told him in the first place. I’m kindly advising you guys to never offer any advise to anyone when you have not heard the whole story. I’m too tired to tell you what really happened between us, but to put it simply, we had been together for one year, we met at a school in sydney, then he invited me over to the US for Christmas to meet his family, then he moved to Taiwan “for” me. After a couple of months, he threatened the relationship was really over because I did not agree to sign an english school for him. We were never married and I was not even sure if the relationship was serious. Just so you know, all the things he said about me was over-exaggerated, and if you ask anyone who truly knows me, they all think what this guy “coladag” said and imagined the kind of person I might be was seriously the biggest joke they’ve ever heard. That’s why he is still making empty threats towards me about going for legal actions. Every mutural friend of ours saw the whole thing between us and did not want to speak to him anymore because how badly he had treated me with this kind of twisted thought. I know you are all foreigners in taiwan and wanna feel respected, I sincerely ask you guys to start respecting us Taiwanese people in the first place. Otherwise I think this entire discussion is simply out of hatred toward Asian people, esp. girls, and full of discriminative comments. I have many many friends from all over the world, and I have lived in English speaking countries for many years. This “coladag” guy is seriously the most ridicuous ex I had ever associated with and I regretted having even talked to this guy in the first place. Lastly, word of advice, really, not every girl is crazy. A lot of the actions came from how the guy treated the girl in the first place, zero respect, cheating and full of lies. Never use people if you can’t handle the consequences. God bless everyone, especially this guy “Coladag” who claims to be Christian and had “taught” me all the “good Christian morals”. I hope you guys are well.[/quote]You must tell us the whole story. You can’t refute what he has said simply by stating that it’s all untrue. We members of Forumosa are a very complex bunch and the we just can’t accept that you only wish to “put it simply”. Time to wake up and stop being tired and tell your side of the story. Show us that you aren’t another “crazy ex” that we often hear so much about.
Important points necessitating an answer. Please don’t be too tired to answer these questions.
Did you travel from Taipei to Kaoshiang and refuse to leave his apartment?
Did you call him over 100 times to the point he had to change his phone number?
Did you then get his new phone number from someone and then call him again?
Did you threaten to show up at his job and try to get him fired?
Did you threaten to call the police on him and have him deported?
Did you threaten to get him kicked out of his apartment?
Have you continued to phone him, text him, send email and contact him via Facebook?
Most important question—> If none of the above points he’s made against you are accurate, then why would he come on Forumosa to ask for help with his situation? Nobody here knows who you are. Nobody really cares who you are. So, if he’s lying about everything, then why? What would be the point to make up such a tale of woe?
We are anxiously awaiting for you to shed some light on this situation and provide us with the truth!
Molly, we have to assume people who stop by here and ask for help are genuine. Otherwise the concept of community wouldn’t work.
But it is good to take everyone’s posts with some caution, especially when they’re super charged emotionally. That goes for both you and your ex.
It’s sad when relationships end this badly and I hope you move on soon. I wish you both a lot of strength.
If you feel he’s wronged you, you can be the mature one and behave sensibly and rationally. For your own sake.
Should you feel like sticking around this forum, I’m sure you could offer some helpful insights to the guys here. Who knows, maybe you even contribute to the end of the Psycho XiaoJie myth . Even though Taiwanese girls often react in a way that is overly dramatic and exaggerated in our eyes, it’s not always as unwarranted as the guys would want us to believe.
I seriously had no idea he was breaking up with me for real. Before that we always fought and said things like “it’s over” to each other, but always made up the next day. But this time, he claimed we never “made up”, we just “got along” again, which also meant he was still all over me physically. He was still hugging/kissing me and said things like “if we ever got married, i will take your dad to a fun club, etc.” And all those happened AFTER he made this post here. I’m beyond surprised and humiliated that he had done this long before the “official” breakup.
I didn’t want to leave because I had enjoyed my time with him over the weekend, and I cried and apologized to him saying it’s all my fault that caused him move down to kaohsiung. He then patted on my back and said, “hmm”, and then started getting angry and trying to make me leave while I was still crying.
I didn’t threaten to show up at his new job, I tried to get a job there as I dumbly thought we were still together, since he was too scared to tell me he wanted to dump me in the first place. Surprisingly the boss called me soon after I applied and wanted to hire me because I speak fluent English. I said I would call the cops on me because he started acting like he was going to hurt/hit me, and started throwing stuff around on the floor.
He DID NOT ask me nicely at all. He started swearing and saying things like “Go F*** yourself” “F*** off” and all that offensive comments, all the while I was only trying to comprehend why he refused to communicate about our problems after all we had been through.
I’m just in awe some of you are on his side and just looking for more drama. If some of you don’t care about me, and just wanna put your anger and hatred on a stranger like you put it, then I’m politely asking you to back off, since you’re just looking for more drama between us two. I hope coladag is smart enough to sort this out in a professional manner instead of bitching about me here and telling strangers he is scared. Funny thing is we have quite a few mutural friends and he refused to talk to them. I offered we should just talk to his family (since English is the only language we can communicate), and he is way beyond scared to let his family know because his family thought we were in love. How ironic.
. Only the OP knows for sure which one she is. Yet I can’t help wondering if the acid-throwers only do as they do because nobody has ever called them on their behaviour. Bullies invariably respond well to a good slapdown - as personal experience, research, and the occasional video on YouTube demonstrates. I can’t recall if it was in this thread or another, but someone posted a story about a PXJ who justified her behaviour with “because you let me”.
it works a treat for me and any people that i’ve decided to phase out of my life. I’m sure other phones have similar filtering apps you can use… might be worth checking out so you can have some peace of mind
