The great poetry showdown has a winner!

Who rocks more?

  • Mr Jimipresley
  • The Chief
  • Ms Lexivs
  • Mr Dragonbones
  • Mr Zender
  • Mr Fox
  • Mr Sandman
  • Mr Bob
  • Mr Funk500
  • Mr Almas John
  • Mr TomHill
  • Mr Occhimarroni
  • Mr Bubba2Guns
  • They are all utter crap
  • Dunno. So much brilliance

0 voters

Mr Fox got me thinking. If he has the balls to post his brilliance on the flob, why don’t the rest of us?

Mr Maoman being in childbirth and otherwise distracted, I have decided to appoint myself as moderator of the GREAT POETRY SHOWDOWN! (Where’s my blue name thingie?)

It’s a crap idea, I know, because poetry is, like, subjective, like.

Nonetheless, I suggest a competition. Submit your poems here, and I will construct a poll by which forumosans can vote. If your poem has validity (in my eyes), (because I am the supreme judge and arbitrator) you will be added to the poll and people can vote for you. If you submit sarcastic crap, you will be henceforth banned from this thread and spend the last two weeks of your life PMing yourself in contrition.

No cheating, mind, (you know what I mean, crafty wordsmiths).

Please, no comments on the poems. Just vote. If they are worthy enough, we can have a discussion after the prize-giving. If they are extremely worthy, we can discuss a compilation publication.

At the end of each month, I will evaluate the poll results and award the winner a box of cheap cigars and a bottle of Scotch.

The competition starts NOW. The winner will be announced on the 14th of November. If I am the winner (very unlikely), the rest of you throw in and award THE MODERATOR OF THE GREAT POETRY SHOWDOWN his due.

:star: EDIT: Due to the problems with adding poets to the poll, can we please only start voting on the 24th of November to give time for more submissions. Also, let’s make it ONE entry per poster. You can change your entry at any time in the next ten days. :star:

Fair enough?

Ok, I will start.

        HAPPY DAY

I used to have some money
But now I don’t have none
If I could find some money now
I’d buy a shiny gun
I’d take my gun a-hunting
A-hunting we would go
I’m damn sure that would cheer me up
Cause lately I’ve been low
I’d shoot and shoot and shoot all day
I really would have fun
We’d have the most exciting time
Me and my shiny gun
I’d shoot up all the buildings
I’d shoot up all the cars
I’d shoot up all the TV sets
I’d shoot up all the stars
I’d shoot and shoot and shoot all day
I’d shoot up all the bums
I’d shoot them if they walk away
I’d shoot them if they run
I wouldn’t spare a single one
I wouldn’t spare the Yids
I wouldn’t spare the Chinese folk
I wouldn’t spare the kids
My life would be so perfect then
My life would be a joy
We’d roll around and sing and shout
Me and my shiny toy
But most of all, my biggest thrill
My Target Number One
We’d blow that fuckin’ bitch to hell
Me and my shiny gun
I’d hunt her down and make her beg
Oh please oh please don’t do it
I’d put a bullet through her face
We’d blow a hole right through it
And when her brains lie on the floor
A-stinkin’ in the sun
We’d stroll The Happy Hunting Grounds
Me and my shiny gun

EDIT: Original entry changed

Jimi’s on the poll!

Midnight city
Broken tales
Of wonder, faith, and heart
Of legends whispered
For love lost
Without a chance to start
The Lonely Man
Stands, hunched and braced
He stares into the void
Salvation close
Just within reach
If they’d only
Play some Floyd

Thanks, I’m here all week.

Typo alert!

I believe it’s spelled W-E-A-K.

(This is not a comment on the poem.)

Damn! Before seeing this thread, I just wrote a poem about jimi in Fox’s thread! Captain, may I copy and paste it here?

edit: (my original work below)

In SanChong I once met a Saffer,
an ee waz a bit of a laffer.
He’d hang out in bars,
'n smoke cheap cigars.
Twas iz shirt all da queer boyz wuz after.

[quote=“zender”]

Damn! Before seeing this thread, I just wrote a poem about jimi in Fox’s thread! Captain, may I copy and paste it here?[/quote]
Yes, Sir, you may.

Can I vote for meself?
Because I kick your ass…poetically speaking.

I think people are voting for jimi by mistake. They like my poem, (about jimi), and in all their excitement, they vote for the closest available option (between “the chief” and “jimi”).

This cup i hold i wish it would tumble and float like the falling green boats of the mighty oak.
I wish it would crack and break and hold nothing no more.
For nothing can’t hurt, it can’t stab or attack, it can’t turn cold or dim. It is formless, friendless, fiendless and hurtless it is
…nothing.

“But nothing comes from nothing”
Lear would say.
But as Cordelia acted,
I would rather nothing exsisted than this over whelming confusion.

This confusion is eating my heart, my soul, my mind.
It is the blanket of starless night that creeps in befor the dawn.
And although the dawn holds the pallet of life it is preceeded by cold, lonliness and desperation.
Am i in the dawn or the sunset?
the noon or the dusk?
Has the sun been born or is it yet the pale lemon on the velvet?
Have we felt the full warmth or is this but yet another illusion?

We close our eyes, wishing.
At the same time I wish my heart closed so i no longer have to feel lonely and nothing.
Yet nothing is good!?
Yet with nothing i’ll feel no love, no happiness, no joy, no life!

Nothing truley comes from nothing!

Sooooo…does spelling count???

Stop worrying; we just took one point off.

(Anyway, half the words I misspelled on porpoise got corrected by the Flobspellchecker)

Her eyes like glittering spider webs,
laced with early morning dew
capture fast my fluttering spirit,
lost in their enchanting view.

[quote=“Dragonbones”]Her eyes like glittering spider webs,
laced with early morning dew
capture fast my fluttering spirit,
lost in their enchanting view.[/quote]
:bravo:
Nothing wrong with that.

Nothing wrong? :astonished:

Nothing wrong?!!!
:noway:

Comparing your girl’s anything to a spider’s anything is so wrong! :no-no:

Remember, this poetry crap is all about gettin’ the chicks!

This is not to say that I’m tryin’ to get into jimi’s pants (just cuz I wrote a poem about him). I was going for the humor angle . . . make the girls laugh . . . That head back howl is so close to the big O, ya know.

[quote=“zender”]Nothing wrong? :astonished:

Nothing wrong?!!!
:noway:

Comparing your girl’s anything to a spider’s anything is so wrong! :no-no:

Remember, this poetry crap is all about gettin’ the chicks![/quote]

Sorry, man, of course, you’re so right.
Ain’t nobody gets more pussy than poets.

Except maybe farmers.

Quite right!

Farmers get more chicks than anyone.

Off topic: What the heck was “The Farmer in the Dell” all about, anyway?

[quote=“zender”]Quite right!

Farmers get more chicks than anyone.

Off topic: What the heck was “The Farmer in the Dell” all about, anyway?[/quote]

Some computer deal…

Yeah?

So when you teach your little girl,“The Farmer takes the Wife!”, what are you thinkin’ about?

[quote=“zender”]Yeah?

So when you teach your little girl,“The Farmer takes the Wife!”, what are you thinkin’ about?[/quote]

Never happen.
I won’t let her hang around with farmers.

Well, how does the farmer explain the “high Ho” to his wife?

Shite. It seems that every time I add someone to the poll, the previous votes disappear.

Keep this running for 10 days and then start the voting? How does that sound?

Or I can tally the votes each time I add a poet and add them up at the end of the competition?