"The knight in shining armour" syndrome

Life Dating & Relationships
1

I keep thinking about this, especially since there are so many threads on the Psycho Xiaojie syndrome. It’s universally known, men are problem solvers. You give them a problem, they’ll give you solutions or will start looking for one. Women like to talk and express, they don’t want mono syllabicity solutions unless they explicitly ask for it. More often than not, they are either thinking aloud, venting or simply having a conversation.

I guess most men know this, and yet it amazes me, how many men really like sappy, complaining women. I see so many threads on how the ‘TW woman from being a giggly teen types evolves into a lioness’. Men fall for the giggles hook, line and sinker, coz when they see that, they see someone fragile, delicate, someone who will look upto them etc. and they feel assured that they are wanted. When the woman comes into her own, or realizes she does not have to be coy then she finds all that protective thingy overbearing. But all that comes later.

I see so many men being soooooo protective about wailing wimps, offering their shoulders, advice, cash, sympathy to damsels constantly in distress. Sure those dames are super crazy ad will never live a normal life, coz they’re always sobbing, but that’s another thread. Can the men see that they are putting themselves up for manipulation? Or are they motivated by some convoluted sense of chivalry that need to be the solution provider of every ache, pain, discomfort, or whim a woman experiences? Most often than not, I have seen these men either being solidly hen pecked, and at the same time being a ‘comfort’ to another woman on the side. And these men are good guys, who just on’t realize when they’re being taken for a ride.Sometimes I want to hold them and look into their eyes squarely and tell them, she can buy her vegetables, pin up her hair, go to work and function very well without you so you don’t need to rummage for a band-aid every time her nail chips.
You know what I mean??? Those guys you hear about who are very ‘dependable’ and women depending on them, but they themselves are really conflicted souls.

2

Hehe…you’re bringing out quite a few issues here.

3

Shouldn’t that be “the night in shining amour” syndrome?

4

hmmmmm, I’ll put the quotes but why remove the K??? :ponder: You know I don’t understand humour.

5

Men live for the night Divea! The armor may be heavy, but you do what you have to.

6

The Knights in Fluorescent Satin, by the Bludey Mews.

7

Look, Divea. Here. Just bury your head in my shoulder and it’ll all go away. Well, no it won’t, but you’ll be sure to know that someone will be willing to try to take the pressure off. A problem halved is a problem solved, no?

8

hmmmmm, I’ll put the quotes but why remove the K??? :ponder: You know I don’t understand humour.[/quote]

That’s read as “nights (as in, not days) spent in the reflected glow of love”. you know: l’amour, c’est un chose magnifique, ma cherie.

or in “the afterglow of love making”.

It’s POETRY divea, sheer poetry.

9

Dragonbabe likes knights in shining armor. They are crunchier, and taste good with ketchup.

10

The damsels in distress are usually physically alluring or have some other redeeming quality. Unlikely for a guy to be manipulated by a woman he is not even remotely interested in. Most men like beautiful women and are happy to exchange favors and objects to gain the affection of a lady they deem worthy of pursuit. Whether it’s their time, money, heart, paying for dinner, or Gucci bags, many guys are willing to hand it all over for the “right” woman if she plays her cards right.

The mental process probably goes something like this:

Possibility of laying hot girl > possibility of gaining something else from hot girl (“friendship” or otherwise) > hotness of said girl > need to feel self-important > some other stuff > some more other stuff > yet more stuff > … > rationality.

11

[quote=“lupillus”]The damsels in distress are usually physically alluring or have some other redeeming quality. Unlikely for a guy to be manipulated by a woman he is not even remotely interested in. Most men like beautiful women and are happy to exchange favors and objects to gain the affection of a lady they deem worthy of pursuit. Whether it’s their time, money, heart, paying for dinner, or Gucci bags, many guys are willing to hand it all over for the “right” woman if she plays her cards right.

The mental process probably goes something like this:

Possibility of laying hot girl > possibility of gaining something else from hot girl (“friendship” or otherwise) > hotness of said girl > need to feel self-important > some other stuff > some more other stuff > yet more stuff > … > rationality.[/quote]
Possibly. Mine is more along the lines of “I can talk you out of whatever it is you’re thinking, even if I don’t believe for a minute what I’m saying.” Served me very very well for a half-century. And yes, I can STILL mainain an erection.

12

[quote=“sandman”]
Possibly. Mine is more along the lines of “I can talk you out of whatever it is you’re thinking, even if I don’t believe for a minute what I’m saying.” Served me very very well for a half-century. And yes, I can STILL mainain an erection.[/quote]

Wow. That’s epic. 50 years straight??? I’m pretty sure you should probably submit something to the Guinness Book of Records… :stuck_out_tongue:

13

I understand what you mean. Your story touches a nerve, and in defense of all the other posters who are telling you to man up, trust me they mean well. That said, and in keeping with the thread, don’t you think men getting attracted to such females is a choice they make. As in, no one thinks it through to the point where they become a fugitive, but they kind of like the whiny, angry, upset, demanding, personality.

What I see is, that a lot of men fall for Psycho Xiaojies once and then again, kind of like battered women who go from one wife beater to another abuser. And not just in sexual or marital relationships even in platonic friendships.

14

Hmmmm, I haven’t been to Taiwan yet, but there certainly no lack of crazy girls here stateside.

Most girls I have been in a long term relationship with have (Actually make that all of them) had some problems. They start out nice and super cool, but right around the time I start to think “Hey, maybe this one is different, maybe this one isn’t crazy.” the succubus eventually raises its ugly head.

I don’t like to deal with drama, so if this happens early on in a relationship I get out asap, but for one I have devoted so much time to, and one that the girl seemed so cool just a month ago, I sometimes spend my time trying to fix it.

This ends up with me trying to understand why she is freaking out over nothing or something minor, and trying to fix it for her, or explain it to her, thinking that her old, cool self, will somehow come back.

Never happens though, and after a short while I get out, or eventually just stop trying, then she usually breaks up with me eventually.

As to why guys never realize they should get out? I don’t know, lack of self respect maybe? Maybe the “getting” is really good if you know what I mean? (though that is a stupid reason, because there is always someone better at that).

Whatever the reason, not worth the crazy woman.

That is why I have a strict set of standards that must be done with a girl before I consider marriage (though, I am young, and don’t even want that right now) I’d first need to be with a girl for at least one year before I say “I love you” (though I have broken that in the past, but I find once I say that, the crazy personality often comes out a month later), two years before I’d ask her to move in, and then four years of living together before I’d propose.

I need to make SURE she gets comfortable enough with me to show me the real her. I don’t want to get married and end up like the poor guy in the “living with psycho Xiaojie” thread.

Then again, it’ll probably happen. I’ll probably be in my late 30s and be like “shit I need to get married or else I’ll die alone” and end up marrying some psycho who will slowly destroy everything inside me that makes me, me.

15

I have traveled since the snows of winter covered this land. Through Mercia, through…

16

Divea, you speak the truth but I think you’re being far too nice. I have (for the most part) resisted the temptation to weigh in on these boy-girl problem threads since Day One, even though I desperately want them to go away and stay. I’m especially perturbed by laowai laments about the other-worldliness of local women. I don’t like these threads so I generally don’t read them. However, seeing you weigh in (pretty heavily) on this issue, I couldn’t resist. It gets me thinking about certain males who are apparently absolutely clueless. I want to (figuratively) grab them by the collar and say, “What? They don’t have women where you come from, bub? This is all new to you?” I can’t believe these kids – and I do mean kids, children – who post threads in “Taiwanese girls are crazy!!!” categories. I can’t even force myself to say the words psycho and xiaojie in the same paragraph – and I’m not even married to a local. The stereotyping is obscene.

I can hear the apologists scuffling in the background but I ask: Is it really so hard to wrap our heads around this, the dynamics of heterosexual relationships? Are men and women really that much different? No. Emphatically no. Perhaps it’s getting off on a tangent, but I don’t see it as a “man-up,” I see it as “grow-up,” as in grow the fuck up already and stop wasting everybody’s time. Get thee to a therapist. Call your mom and ask her. Meanwhile, it really is as simple as this: if someone isn’t treating you right, either get out or shut up. All this fairy tale crap about saving people is just that: fantasy. For both genders. We’ve all got problems. Some can be fixed and others can’t. For all the guys out there who can’t seem to figure it out, I wish you the best of luck in your journey. But please, stop using Forumosa as a psychiatrist’s couch.

17

Ha ha! Yeah growing up is a big thing in relationships. However, I disagree with this,

Why not???
A. It’s free

B. It’s a community.

C. We use it like a search engine, like a gallery to display our arts (not parts), like a bike ‘n’ hike club, etc. so why not a shrink’s couch??? :smiley:

18

[quote=“divea”]

Why not???
A. It’s free

B. It’s a community.

C. We use it like a search engine, like a gallery to display our arts (not parts), like a bike ‘n’ hike club, etc. so why not a shrink’s couch??? :smiley:[/quote]

D. I get to send the funniest bits to the wife!

19

Half right. They DO have women where they come from. Obviously, of course, those women are unavailable to them, so these women here are, like, their first taste. It’s cute. Well, it would be if they were 13 or 14. Trouble is, they’re more like 25! Kind of sad in a way. But mostly just funny.

20

Has anyone read any of the Pease’s books? I recently read Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps. I thought it was a great book with lots of good advice and quite funny. It would be a good book for both partners to read with an open mind, it might just make a difference.