In case you guys/gals don’t know it yet, most women -me included- will rumiate/elaborate/condensate/expand/extrapolate on any given random phrase -but especially the ones generated during an argument- to the N expansion. Such random element will becom the proverbial thorn, and even in the most secure and stable of the females, will fester and in high probability come out in the worst of times.
Which is why I hereby propose that when you argue, you will use a third language not dominated by teh other party, so feelings will come out, but words will not remain to be rumiated upon.
I know this plan has the danger of furthering teh argument even longer, because you will become infuriated at not being able to understand what the otehr person is saying. But it serves you right if you are already arguing in teh first place.
So, instead of arguing, talk it out in a common understandable language like two adults, or babble nonsense like babies.
Walls of silence do not count.
Example:
X person says “…Wow, it was a great performance, if your people worked as they danced they would be rich”… :raspberry:
There are so many things you can say about this phrase that nothing is better said at all. And then the guy is left wondering where the wall of silence came from. :fume:
I don’t argue with mine, because we like eachother, and because he lives in Spain and Italy. And we don’t have a third language. He speaks mine and I don’t speak his.
He does this kind of breathy snort thing if I put ketchup on tomatoes, and he sulked for a wee while when I knocked his racing bike over and it fell onto his car. And I get finger-tappy on the table when he refuses to go out until he has cleaned the house in crazy-o OCD detail, made a nutritious three course lunch, eaten it and cleaned up. But argue? Nah. He’s simply never that much of a dick, so I don’t have to dig in my heels.
Introverts like us are ‘walls of silence’ types though. Sulk sulk sulk, explode. Or sulk, sulk, sulk, don’t really care about you anymore.
I don’t have any other option other than to argue in my SO’s language, because her Engrish is poor. It’s difficult to argue convincingly, I usually end up sounding like a flustered muppet and my voice goes up an octave, but in a funny way it has done wonders for my Chinese. Which makes it easier for me to communicate with we are not arguing, which thankfully is most of the time.
If I tried something like that this is how it would go.
F500: OK, you don’t want to argue with me in English, I don’t want to argue with you in Chinese. Lets find a middle solution.
Lady500: No, because you always think you are right.
[quote=“Funk500”]If I tried something like that this is how it would go.
F500: OK, you don’t want to argue with me in English, I don’t want to argue with you in Chinese. Lets find a middle solution.
Lady500: No, because you always think you are right.
[/quote]
Ha!! Amateurs. By the time you are into a 9 year marriage, no one argues. It is established, that the woman is right. Quit wasting your time guys!
No third language available for us, but I do resent it somewhat when we argue and she’ll mutter some undoubtedly horrid words to herself in Chinese. That’s a cheap tactic in my opinion. If you’re gonna tell someone “fuck you, you ignorant dick,” or whatever, perhaps integrity dictates that you should say it so they can understand it (though perhaps the argument will subside faster if they don’t).
[/quote]
Ha!! Amateurs. By the time you are into a 9 year marriage, no one argues. It is established, that the woman is right. Quit wasting your time guys! [/quote]
after 7 years he’s managed to figure out that “yes, dear” is the correct answer to everything but still grumbles…
Dearest Funk, no one fights for a compromise. A fight means she needs to know she is right and you are wrong.
In all seriousness, fights are never about the issue at hand. You may fight over which movie to go to, but it will always inevitably be about, other things, financial constraints, drinking habits, control issues etc. and usually couples don’t address them early on in marriages and fights erupt. Once you’ve gotten those things resolved, then compromises on other issues come easily.
[quote=“divea”]
In all seriousness, fights are never about the issue at hand. You may fight over which movie to go to, but it will always inevitably be about, other things, financial constraints, drinking habits, control issues etc. and usually couples don’t address them early on in marriages and fights erupt. Once you’ve gotten those things resolved, then compromises on other issues come easily. [/quote]
