Well it’s a choice, people make choices all the time. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. Taiwan has an extraordinarily high rate of two parents working, and little flexi-time/part-time arrangements, and it also shows in the world record low birth rates.
[quote=“bob_honest”]Now take the situation of a real honest guy here, let’s call him bob_honest for now. Bob works in IT company, married to his Taiwan boss who is thank goodness a girl (boss-es) and they get a baby, both being over 40. Her quitting the job to take care of junior would put also our honest bob’s job at risk, who knows which old bills some management competitors may want to settle and … with over 40 one is prone to getting laid off anyway. Of course little bob_honest here is so good with his foreign Linux and Unix magic they would never do that. But why take the risk? Having two times no job and income would not be fun. Especially with a newborn baby.
And wife returning to the job market a while later? Yeah, dream on. Maybe at Seven-Eleven. IT companies here like young people. Even Seven likes young people. My mum tells me I look 10 years younger. Would they hire wife again? I do not think so. She is a good manager now, competent and well settled in her network. Giving that up on purpose would look like retiring at this moment.
So we took her mum to take care of junior. Junior is now 1 year plus and doing great. I honestly was not sure if she is up to the task but wife said yes and she was right. Life is a gamble. The gods love me and so I won.
Being judgmental is easy. Actually living through it is a different pair of shoes.[/quote]
YOu took her MUM!!! You weren’t paying an immature 35 year old ‘nanny’ with 2 kids of her own.
I stay at home for the kids, won’t always but do so now. And have worked part-time with one infant. It is okay to work. It has to be your decision. Or the woman’s. But and this is a big BUT, please ensure the baby sitting is of the bestest quality. Family being as best as it gets, but even otherwise. Even if you trust your nanny completely, show up unannounced, check, beware, get references, see the nanny treating other children, anything, everything. If sth. has to happen to your kid, it should be unfortunate, not because you didn’t care to check. Even when the kid goes to school. Keep tabs on the teacher, listen, keep your eyes open, see how other kids talk about the school and the teachers.
Bob honest, go on with your life and enjoy your kiddo and take no notice of people judging you or your wife. I don’t believe women should stay at home to take care of the kids. I feel EYE need to do that, but God forbid, women start giving up their work - I wouldn’t want to live in that world. This world should be about the right to choose. Oh and I love fathers who stay at home with the children!
Knew a young American couple here. They met in UC Berkeley. She went on to a very high paying job, he went on to a very low paying job. They got married. They got a kid. She brings home the bacon and he looks after their daughter.
If i had a wife like that, id happily stay home with the kid.
But if at all possible, its probably best all in all if a parent looks after the child.
Although myself, since i grew up in a one parent family, I was looked after by a babysitter. Thank God I dont appear to have been dropped on my head too much.
Divea, yes I agree, choosing mother in law is most likely different than choosing a paid nanny, which my wife flatly rejected. Otherwise I agree as well. 
[quote=“tommy525”]Knew a young American couple here. They met in UC Berkeley. She went on to a very high paying job, he went on to a very low paying job. They got married. They got a kid. She brings home the bacon and he looks after their daughter.
If I had a wife like that, id happily stay home with the kid.
But if at all possible, its probably best all in all if a parent looks after the child.
Although myself, since i grew up in a one parent family, I was looked after by a babysitter. Thank God I don’t appear to have been dropped on my head too much.[/quote]
I think that in the US the idea of a stay at home dad is more acceptable. It would be interesting to see that trend here in Taiwan. Back in the ol country, too much chauvinism for that, but you can still find some cases.
I agree, at least one could stay, but both must share to “imprint” their example on the kid. One of the reasons you marry guy X is because you want your kids to look and act like him, be like him, because you admire that person and respect him and look up to him so you want your kids to do the same. That is, if you want kids at all, of course.
This is harder than it looks -and should be- in today’s societies where the rat race and the pace of life leaves no time for the important stuff. The urgent stuff takes over -as my signature says.
Wife never lets me change even a single diaper. Now that mother in law and wife queue up for that and push me away I may not actually have volunteered for it.
Thus the subject of me leaving work to take care of kid was never really discussed when the time was there, although my wife thought about it for a while before getting to the family extension.
I considered staying home to look after my son, I could have and I would have been better off for it in the end, I was trying to build a freelance practice at the time and I was truly horrible at it. I quit and went back to work for awhile. But we wanted our son to have the same opportunity as our daughter which was to develop native fluency in Mandarin. Luckily our baby-sitter was very good and we still stay in touch. It was a very, very difficult decision.
[quote=“bob_honest”]Wife never lets me change even a single diaper. Now that mother in law and wife queue up for that and push me away I may not actually have volunteered for it.
Thus the subject of me leaving work to take care of kid was never really discussed when the time was there, although my wife thought about it for a while before getting to the family extension.[/quote]
Seriously?? Tell them to back off. Change diapers and insist on bathing your kid and whatever whenever you can. That is bonding with a child and not just ‘work’. Why?? First off, a kid is a kiddo and you show love by doing what is needed to be done and as infants or todllers, nappy change, being fed and being cleaned is what needs to be done most. Don’t let anyone, keep you from doing those things. My girl is 7 and I am sick atm. And yet there is anease between her and her dad in all the changing, brushing teeth etc. and if need be wiping bottoms (she can do it herself but if need be) coz he was always there. Just cut through all the crap and do what you want to with your child. See the bigger picture. Imagine yourself in a foreign country in 2 years without granny. The baby will still be young and you will still be doing everything. Besides, diaper changing time is the best time to be with your kid, coo, talk to him sweetly AND he has all your attention!! 
[quote=“divea”][quote=“bob_honest”]Wife never lets me change even a single diaper. Now that mother in law and wife queue up for that and push me away I may not actually have volunteered for it.
Thus the subject of me leaving work to take care of kid was never really discussed when the time was there, although my wife thought about it for a while before getting to the family extension.[/quote]
Seriously?? Tell them to back off. Change diapers and insist on bathing your kid and whatever whenever you can. That is bonding with a child and not just ‘work’. Why?? First off, a kid is a kiddo and you show love by doing what is needed to be done and as infants or todllers, nappy change, being fed and being cleaned is what needs to be done most. Don’t let anyone, keep you from doing those things. My girl is 7 and I am sick atm. And yet there is anease between her and her dad in all the changing, brushing teeth etc. and if need be wiping bottoms (she can do it herself but if need be) because he was always there. Just cut through all the crap and do what you want to with your child. See the bigger picture. Imagine yourself in a foreign country in 2 years without granny. The baby will still be young and you will still be doing everything. Besides, diaper changing time is the best time to be with your kid, coo, talk to him sweetly AND he has all your attention!! [/quote]
Ditto.
Bob, don’t allow this. That kid’s yours too. If you’re a hands-off dad you’ll be missing one the most important relationships you’ll ever have.
Well, one of the big taboos for women in particular is to admit that the whole motherhood thing isn’t for them. You don’t get to take them back to the store if you find motherhood boring, depressing to an unbearable extent. Children find their own parents, in life.
I worked in a kindy in France, about 20 years ago. A kid died in a horrible accident at the kindy down the road: he slipped on a leaf while running and smashed his own skull. These things occasionally happen and it’s horrible but the difference between a well run kindy and a mother / babysitter is what happens to the other kids while the caregiver is taking care of the kid that has the accident / medical emergency.
[quote=“Petrichor”][quote=“divea”][quote=“bob_honest”]Wife never lets me change even a single diaper. Now that mother in law and wife queue up for that and push me away I may not actually have volunteered for it.
Thus the subject of me leaving work to take care of kid was never really discussed when the time was there, although my wife thought about it for a while before getting to the family extension.[/quote]
Seriously?? Tell them to back off. Change diapers and insist on bathing your kid and whatever whenever you can. That is bonding with a child and not just ‘work’. Why?? First off, a kid is a kiddo and you show love by doing what is needed to be done and as infants or todllers, nappy change, being fed and being cleaned is what needs to be done most. Don’t let anyone, keep you from doing those things. My girl is 7 and I am sick atm. And yet there is anease between her and her dad in all the changing, brushing teeth etc. and if need be wiping bottoms (she can do it herself but if need be) because he was always there. Just cut through all the crap and do what you want to with your child. See the bigger picture. Imagine yourself in a foreign country in 2 years without granny. The baby will still be young and you will still be doing everything. Besides, diaper changing time is the best time to be with your kid, coo, talk to him sweetly AND he has all your attention!! [/quote]
Ditto.
Bob, don’t allow this. That kid’s yours too. If you’re a hands-off dad you’ll be missing one the most important relationships you’ll ever have.[/quote]
Sorry, mist the replies.
Well, at least I feed him regularly…
Yes, I will try that diaper changing. I mean, what can happen, right… 
At the most? you’ll clean him up and put on a new diaper under his bum and bend down to lose the diaper and he’ll pee in your face, and poop in the new diaper and you’ll have to change him all over agin before wiping your face off . You’ll love it. 
(Kidding people)
Be grateful it is pee… But think about it, you’ll develop fast reflexes. You’ll be on your A game, man!
I am already improving my reflexes. He is so fast in hitting me with his toy plastic bowl and spoon… oh my…