A certain female poster keeps crying for help regarding the issue of ‘how to understand a man.’ Well, here come some simple rules. I will add the first few, and any other man can feel free to add the remaining 4 or 5 thousand rules.
We like to be right almost all of the time.
We are hilarious, we like our jokes to be laughed at.
We are very weird about our relationships with other men.
Sleep is important.
Facial hair IS as annoying as a period, if not more so. Our pain is daily.
Games and competition are very important as they help to stress rule one, and to experiment with rule two. Men do not do Sudoku puzzles though.
Men rank every woman they ever meet on a scale which measures if they would let each woman have sex with them. A man on a train should not be spoken too, as he is analysing quite a lot of vital data.
Men are aware of other men which they can outdrink.
Men enjoy action films. Except action films like Spiderman 3, which only serve to infuriate everyone.
re: points 6 & 7, yesterday I was on a train to Londinium at 8 am (yes, I know, Christ on a bike), and as it cost 85 million £s, there are only folks whose companies are paying on it. Businessy type sitting next to me, doing The Times ‘Easy Sudoku’. For 30 earth minutes. I wanted to punch him in the face and shout ‘7 - 5 - 4, tard-boy’. Instead, I just turned my new Eminem album up tsst-tsst-loud and dropped a squirt of my apple pastry on his lunchbag/briefcase. I don’t hink he wanted to have sex with me. I did not want to have sex with as he was old / mang / it was 8am / I could not remember which stop on the Hammersmith and City line was before Goldhawk Road.
I do not seek to understand, merely engage in damage limitation.
We are keenly aware of what you are wearing, and when other men are keenly aware of what you’re wearing
We understand that our vintage cars may not be the most luxurious, and may leave a scent of petrol on you every time you get out of it. It is still fun to drive.
No, you may not drive the scooter.
Re 7 … We maintain the right to point out which women around us are attractive, although turn around is fair play.
Thank you for acknowledging my specialism in the field of being male. As to which poster, why I am TomHill! Look to the left of the post and it tells you who wrote it.
Why is this in D&R? That’s really stupid. I don’t understand. It’s nothing to do with D&R, and will just get a load of stupid D&R boy responses, here. Why is ‘Open’ treated like a filing tray? And again, it will become a platform for the usual hetero-sexist platform of flob because they don’t know any better, m’lud.
[quote=“Buttercup”] I could not remember which stop on the Hammersmith and City line was before Goldhawk Road.
[/quote]
They display maps of the whole tube system above the doors, and of the individual line above the seats. Men know these things as they need places to rest their eyes between rankings.
And if you were in Hammersmith why did I not get a coffee call? Tis but a short skip from Hounslow.
P.S. I placed this in the open forum. Please address the open forum modulation team for all queries regarding said relocation of matter.
[quote=“TomHill”][quote=“Buttercup”] I could not remember which stop on the Hammersmith and City line was before Goldhawk Road.
[/quote]
They display maps of the whole tube system above the doors, and of the individual line above the seats. Men know these things as they need places to rest their eyes between rankings.
And if you were in Hammersmith why did I not get a coffee call? Tis but a short skip from Hounslow.
P.S. I placed this in the open forum. Please address the open forum modulation team for all queries regarding said relocation of matter.[/quote]
I memorised the tube map, the lines I use, anyway. I am not a real female.
I wuz gonna, but then we finished and I had a sore throat and was a bit poorly. Shoulda coz had a free (golden -peak with travelcard) ticket but felt shite. I’m a martyr to my tonsils, TH. Also didn’t know if I wuz going on til five, or one and then back to the office. But I am holidays soon, if you want to hang out in Lahndan tahn? I am goin to Wales, though.
Why leave the toilet seat up? I mean, only one gender uses it to do one thing when it’s up. When it’s down, two genders use it, one for one thing and one for two. (Confused yet? )
What’s the deal with barbecuing? Why are you so possessive about it? My husband won’t let me flip the meat even if it has a layer of charcoal on it…
Sure, everyone likes a bit of good sex. But why are you guys so obsessed with it so much of the time? What’s wrong with a nice cuddle from time to time?
Why leave the toilet seat up? I mean, only one gender uses it to do one thing when it’s up. When it’s down, two genders use it, one for one thing and one for two. (Confused yet? )
What’s the deal with barbecuing? Why are you so possessive about it? My husband won’t let me flip the meat even if it has a layer of charcoal on it…
Sure, everyone likes a bit of good sex. But why are you guys so obsessed with it so much of the time? What’s wrong with a nice cuddle from time to time?[/quote]
I’ll take this one.
Because most of us are a lazy lot and so focused on our penises that we forget that there are other members of the species who don’t have them. Until we start thinking about sex, which happens about 1,000 times a day but never while we’re taking a leak/having a slash.
Barbecuing is sacred to us. Don’t ask us to explain; we’ll never reveal the true depths of our love of cooking raw meat over a grill, and we’ll never let you into the inner recesses of the smoky temple. Just accept our holy, char-grilled offerings with an appropriate degree of reverence. We’ll love you for it.
Cuddling is wonderful…after we (and hopefully you) have had an orgasm.
[quote=“Tomas”][quote=“nemesis”]Okay, three quick questions:
Why leave the toilet seat up? I mean, only one gender uses it to do one thing when it’s up. When it’s down, two genders use it, one for one thing and one for two. (Confused yet? )
What’s the deal with barbecuing? Why are you so possessive about it? My husband won’t let me flip the meat even if it has a layer of charcoal on it…
Sure, everyone likes a bit of good sex. But why are you guys so obsessed with it so much of the time? What’s wrong with a nice cuddle from time to time?[/quote]
I’ll take this one.
Because most of us are a lazy lot and so focused on our penises that we forget that there are other members of the species who don’t have them. Until we start thinking about sex, which happens about 1,000 times a day but never while we’re taking a leak/having a slash.
Barbecuing is sacred to us. Don’t ask us to explain; we’ll never reveal the true depths of our love of cooking raw meat over a grill, and we’ll never let you into the inner recesses of the smoky temple. Just accept our holy, char-grilled offerings with an appropriate degree of reverence. We’ll love you for it.
Cuddling is wonderful…after we (and hopefully you) have had an orgasm.[/quote]
Excellent answers Tomas. Don’t forget with question one, when you leave the seat up it saves pissing on it. Question 2, it also works when grilling indoors. And question 3: Cuddling is really an extra curricular activity.
Newsflash: women know all about the things you do, you’re not that mysterious. What women don’t understand, though, is why you keep making the same (obvious) mistakes over and over and over. It’s like you are asking to be picked on.
Newsflash: women know all about the things you do, you’re not that mysterious. What women don’t understand, though, is why you keep making the same (obvious) mistakes over and over and over. It’s like you are asking to be picked on. [/quote]
I think you need to pass that knowledge of yours over to the women in their special forum, cos someone keeps going on about how they just don’t understand boys/ men at all.
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