i just say in Chinese “sorry i can’t speak English” and then watch the lightning bolt go off in their brain as they contemplate that… i’ve said it so many times at the local night market that i haven’t had a kid pushed at me in months.
this is an excellent tactic. i usually say hello back in Japanese. one guy asked me why i spoke Japanese to him because he doesn’t speak Japanese. so i asked him why he spoke English to me because he doesn’t know if i speak that foreign language either. he actually said “oh, duey” amazing.
The worst case i’ve personally experienced with the unsolicited English was one evening while walking on the way home from dinner with my wife. a car slowed down and a kid screamed “HELLOOOOO!” and then his father leaned over and also screamed “HHHHEEELLLLOOOO!” very f-ing loud! it scared the crap out of my wife. i yelled “you are insane” back. they took off.
yelling shit from cars is not only frightening but also dangerous to the pedestrian who may be startled into a flight reaction into traffic.
what really bothers me are the false friendlies. the ones who will rudely pass 1,000 of their own countrymen only to stop in front of you to show off their Englishee with a crappy “goomonee” or (my personal favorite) every phrase on their textbook’s first page, rambled into one long oration. today i was at Hsinchu hospital and i had to look down to make sure there wasn’t a sign on me telling people to stop and say things in Englishee. one guy was waving and acting like he personally knew me. other people were looking at me, him and then back to me. i think that if you don’t give them the response they expect then they will learn not to do it (maybe). there is a woman across the street who, everytime i am outside, makes her little kid repeat “hello hello hello hello hello” over and over and over. in those cases i have been known to ask if i look like a telephone.
how many people reading this have experienced the following conversation?
“how are you?”
[your answer] I’m ok. you?
“are you sure?”
not knowing what else to say and not understanding what you just said, they have to keep up the impression that they can speak English to those who are surely watching. so, they give you the standard memorized phrase that presents the appearance of communication (remember people here memorize things, they don’t actually learn them most of the time). these guys will keep you busy all evening. you can forget eating, singing karaoke, talking with your wife or friends at your table, or whatever. they will come over to your table and sit down without asking and proceed to monopolize the conversation in very low level English, even if you can speak Chinese very well.
one of the most difficult concepts for the local people to understand is this:
“I do not give a flying f*ck whether or not you can speak English.”
i will say that the vast majority of the people in my neighborhood do not do any of these things. they address me politely and in Chinese, without stereotypical phrases like “teacher” etc.
I guess I look scary. No one ever speaks to me…ever.
I haven’t, because I wouldn’t give that answer. “How are you?” is a question I really don’t like, because there’s never a good answer to it. Do you want to tell them the whole story why today is not such a good day? Highly unlikely, so we just say “fine”, even if that’s not the case…
So, my standard responses to that question in any language are “I’m still alive.” and “I’m (still) breathing.” Give that in Chinese to someone yelling “How are you?” at you and they got something to chew on…
My fear is that they’ll ask me where I’m from, so I pick a country at random, like say, Latvia, and the person then starts babbling away at me in fluent Latvian…
My response to “Where are you from?”
“My momma”
In response to “Hellooo”
Your unwelcome salutation lives me with but two thoughts. This first, though not primary, is that you are simply attempting an unwarranted and uninvited request for conversation in a language with which are are no doubt unfamiliar. The second, and primary thought, is that are are simply practicing the only word you know in my native tongue. In either event, I refuse to be involved further in this dialogue. Then turn and walk away. If you say it fast enough, the look on their faces is truly worth the effort.
Some exceptions to this somewhat rude approach are often warranted. When I go camping, I often use small village school yards. Kids that have little or no English education will generally come around with the usual, “Hello. How are you. I am fine, thank you.” They don’t usually stick around at first because that’s all the English that even the most educated of the group can muster. Eventually, they come back around and we play catch. Moms also show up with dinner to say thank you and pops also show up with some brew to share. You can really have a good time.
Any time a child has approached me on his own I go out of my way to accommodate him/her just to reward that kind of exploration or to in no way shut down their attempts at expanding their horizons, however when a child has been forced or pushed onto me by a parent I ask them in Chinese to go tell their parents I am not an English teacher or speaker.
Taiwanese sue people who say “fuck you” to them. so i’m wondering if a suit would be a good way to make a point about yelling shit at people?
what i find objectionable is the fact that somewhere, someone is teaching these phrases. please, whomever you are, stop teaching Taiwanese people that “pu hao esu” means “i’m sorry!” i am very tired of going into a place and having some red face start parroting “i’m sorryi’m sorryi’m sorryi’m sorryi’m sorryi’m sorry” over and over because upon seeing me he suddenly feels the urge to be “polite.”
I am happy to report that after 2 years of my coaching, the entire staff, excepting one really weird dude who works the late shift, can now clearly, and with correct timing say…“Do you want (or for 2 of them - Would you like) a bag for that?”.
I am so proud……and my local Shin Ching tea stand is another successful effort - “Yo Homey…green or high mountain today? What chu want?”
So I guess I’m bumping an old-ish thread but I was bored and read through a lot of old stuff…
Anyway, when I visited Taiwan I encountered this a lot…people were always yelling out English at me. I didn’t really notice it was aimed at me until one night we (my Taiwanese friend and I) were getting into the car and someone yelled “Hellooooo” and I, silly me, assumed they were talking to someone else and didn’t respond. My friend then turned and looked at me and said “Keri, that guy is talking to you!” (like it was soooo obvious that the “Hello” was aimed at me) and I was like “Oh really? oops…” and she gave me this look like OF COURSE they’re talking to you…so rude! This one time it was really funny because I walked past this group of people and a guy yelled out, very tentatively I might add, “Hellooo…” and I didn’t turn around because, again, I didn’t assume they were talking to me just cuz they were speaking English. Then he paused for a moment and said “…moshi moshi???” and my friend was like “Keri!!!..he’s talking to you. Say ‘hi’!” lolll Another time I had this couple walk up to me speaking Korean at first and I just sort of stared at them like…I’m sorry…whaaat? and then they started speaking English to me, asking me to take their picture. I was kind of confused like…why did they think a white chick in Taiwan was going to understand Korean? Oh well…I can’t complain, I guess, if people give me more credit than I deserve. XD
And then there were the people I didn’t know who were taking my picture…That was another funny/weird thing I noticed people doing. I should have approached them and said, “That will be (insert nt amount here).” Do people do that to you guys? I don’t like having my picture taken so I was kind of annoyed but I just chalked it up to the apparent love of photography in Asian countries.
I still feel creeped out with grown men telling me I look handsome. 
Why? It gives you the opportunity to respond with: “Thanks. You have extremely pert buttocks yourself.” This is especially good if it turns out they actually DO understand English.
Even more so if it turns out that they’re actually gay and hitting on you.
Nah, that can be flattering, if you’re open-minded. These are business/family men who really think it’s a compliment rather than what I take it for: A sign that they’ve got their sack tied back too tight.
Always wondered why people who look either poor and homeless or mentally unbalanced succeed in saying so much in English.
The other day, an old guy who looked like he hadn’t had a shower since the Ming Dynasty started shouting English at me. I thought he wouldn’t get far beyond the ‘How are you?’ thing, but he managed to shout at least four long sentences before disappearing.
Just ignore. The world is full of idiots and this country is no worse, (actually much better) than others
I’m ENGlish, ferrchissakes.
People talk loads more shit at me in the UK.
‘Are you in the queue?’
‘No, I’m sitting on this wall.’
‘Well, there’s no need to be rude!’
‘I’m waiting here, alone, for an empty bus. Maybe the queue starts at this wall and you pushed in?’
‘Who queues for a bus on the wall? You’re supposed to queue at the bus stop!’
‘Please leave me alone. Please?’
Yeah, I think I’ve met that guy. He shouted something at me like ‘you go home! you go home!’. :loco: