What to do if spouse is missing for years?


Correct. In my defense, I would have stayed if she didn’t do that and I have been repeatedly trying to ask her back these past 4 years with no success.


Let me explain in more detail. I came home from work, found my key was not working. Had to have a police escort and locksmith break the lock and change it for me. Got in and no one was there. Just my passport missing. I stayed there then moved out a few days after. Wasn’t going to risk her coming back and stealing more of my stuff and locking me out again.


Am I at fault?


Just try to be patient until you hear the decision of laf. Then you can think of a next step.


Not really. This seems like you both just took separate ways and ended the marriage without fornally ending it.

There are a dozen nasty things that come to mind that the family can do to really mess up with you. Giving you the runaround is exhausting but actually it is the least of your owrries. Worse things could happen.

Just for the record: how much time did it lapse from the moment you told your wife to leave and the breakin? From teh breakin to your departure? Could they argue she came back and did not find you? You were in contact with the family the whole time, right?


About a month. I was in communication with my wife as much as possible. She kept saying she had to go and kept dissappearing. I unfortunately haven’t kept any record of this… Never thought I would have to.

Just a few days. I wasn’t going to stay and keep dishing out 5k to get my lock changed. Not only that but I was scared next time I couldn’t open it because they had told me that since my name wasn’t on the contract, my wife had the right to lock me out…

This is exactly what they are trying to do. They said they came back looking for me with the apartment owner.

Here’s what I think happened: my wife and her aunt came and changed my lock and stole my passport. Then I came back, called my apartment owner. She was shocked and helped me talk to the security guard over the phone to open the lock. Then I got back in and left shortly after. The events after that are beyond my knowledge because I wasn’t there but if her family isn’t lying, her family then came after that with the apartment owner. Maybe lack of communication /dishonesty between them and my wife.


So the apartment owner is still living? Will she testify to these facts if needed?

That bit about being locked out… that is the big issue. The passport we cannot prove unless it is in their hands, but the name on the contract should be evident. Do you have copy of the contract? If not, can you make a copy of the owner´s copy if they still have it?


Laws changed?


Aren’t they admitting they came to the house then, at the same your stuff disappeared from there? And what reason do they have to change a lock just because the person you were looking for wasn’t home at the time?

You would have had to get a new passport too, so that would be more proof that something happened, I think.


I highly doubt that she (apt owner) hasn’t already blocked my line after me leaving so abruptly, she probably is very unhappy with me. I don’t have the contract unfortunately. I don’t see any reason why she would be dead… She was younger but I’ve had no contact with her since I left. I could try.

Yes there is a remark on my passport about it being a replacement for a lost/stolen passport. The issue date is shortly after the incident. You’re right, after looking through this, I can’t believe how much stuff they just admitted to. They are admitting to withholding my wife. Said that until I confess to their bs, I wouldn’t be allowed to see my wife. They also admitted it’s been many years since the incident. Up until now it’s been nothing but me saying how long it’s been and them ignoring/skipping over that part. They also, like you just pointed out, admitted to locking me out.


I think if you have not done this yet, making a detailed summary of the time line of things happened might be useful when you meet a lawyer, with brief summary of your marriage before the separation, major issues of conflicts, etc.

The facts and your interpretation on things may need to be sepatated.

Fact - What you did and found, she did in front of you (said get out, got out, someone changed the lock, went police, missing passport and reissued it, moved out, tried to contact etc.) / Any witness (guard, landlord, police, locksmith etc, regardless you have their contacts or not) / Your feelings at each event, if any

Comments from wife’s side on each incident, if any / What you heard from witness (landlord didn’t know the lock was changed) etc

Your interpretation - It must be the wife who changed the lock / Wife stolen the passport. Etc.


Thanks for the advice. I will try to do this. By the way, this is the contents of the email they sent me for anyone who can read Chinese better than me.


Hopefully those with better Mandarin abilities than me can let me know if this really proves as much as I think or they avoided it perfectly. There is quite a bit of bs in here.

[moderator’s note: quoted text was removed at OP’s request]


Actually, the tone is very accusing, blaming you. Sigh.


Figured. But can I get anything out of this? Could that last part be seen as them (unintentionally) admitting to withholding my wife and the first part seems to admit it’s been years.

Anyways, if what they say is true, the event with the apartment owner trying to find me is after I left from having them change my lock. I don’t see why the apartment owner was trying to find me before that considering rent wasn’t overdue nor was I avoiding contact. So I’m guessing this happened after.

No reply from LAF. until now either.


What is the oldest date of conversations with them you kept or can retrive?

  1. I’ve printed and saved to pdf everything I can find.


When they say in the letter that your wife is sick, do they mean mentally or physically?


Your guess is as good as mine. She was in perfect physical health when she left so this is complete bs most likely. It’s most likely an attempt to make me the one who abondoned in bad faith and put the fault on me.
Maybe it was mentally?


Maybe they want to go with the narrative of you abandoning your poor, defenseless mentally ill wife?


Fascinating. Is this the first time they refer to her as sick?