If you do what you always did, then you’ll get what you always got–Moms Mabley
When you see it the least in the natural (world), that’s when God is working the most on it.-- Joel Osteen
I wasn’t born with an expiration date on my ass–me.
So you had it tattooed?
Today, it will be ‘DO NOT FCKING CROSS ME, BTCH.’.
I like that one.
My family motto (Scottish) is “The prize comes to those who wait”. Fuck. I’m still waiting.
Oh, that one reminds me of another good one, “Those that are waiting for something good, can never wait too long” although I guess in Swedish it’s not really good, more like tasty, but that mashes up the translation even more 
Those last two sound more like aphorisms than mottos.
Dey ate my roses.
Go Ugly Early!
The early worm gets the bird.