In general, I believe most westerners are more independent than Taiwanese about living alone (not with bf or gf). I have struggled for getting a personal space for a long while and luckily I am able to afford it and support my family at the same time. I’d rather say that it is my duty but not a burden to support my family. Someone else would always beat you in some ways about life as the grass is always greener on another side.
Well, I am just wandering to know when you moved out from family and had not been back living at home anymore. Its hard for me actually even I can do so at the moment. I used to live in a place where many people around me. I found houses already, so I only need to take my first step.
What are the disadvantages and advantages you think of moving out? I am 28 years old woman now.
My sister moved out when she was 18. She was an angry, emerging lesbian, so she (and my parents) were pleased with the arrangement, though they naturally ensured her work and living arrangements were safe and healthy. I moved out at 21 to go to university.
I’d say early 20s is about average in Britain. As to the pros and cons, I’d say it’s almost all good. Of course, life will become more expensive, but the maturing experience of becoming a responsible adult is invaluable.
17 for going to University. Yes, 17, I moved out in February and turned 18 in March.
Back home again at 20 for 6months. 21 out again then in again after 6 months or so, ran out of money. 22 back out and never went back, well just for a holiday.
17, but often home for up to 3 months at a time after that.
BTW, why do you have to support your parents? Did they fall on hard times or are you just being a good Confucian girl? I think that the concept of filial piety has been carried on too far here. It is against nature for the younger generation to support the older generation at the cost of their own development. I’m reminded of the story of the peasant boy who used his own body heat to melt snow so that his parents might have water to drink. He died, but this example is often used as an ideal example of filial piety. I think it is a horrible story. Even animal parents will sacrifice everything so that their offspring have a chance at life. Chinese culture obviously holds up different ideals.
As soon as I learned to walk. Mommy and Pappy figured that with mobility and basic language ability I was old enough to fend for myself. Got my first job working in a Kentucky coal mine when I was 5 going on 6.
I believe that’s true, it is ‘against nature’ but that’s why humans like to think of themselves as civilized, isn’t it? Even in the West, if your parents were really hard up and you were earning a decent salary, wouldn’t you think of sending them something??? At the cost of your own ‘development’? Not everyone perhaps, but some people.
You also seem to be implying that Chinese culture places less worth on a child’s life than an animal would, and if so I think that’s both insulting and incorrect. It’s a horrible story, I agree, but your comparison only works if the parents actually ordered the boy out there to kill himself in order that they might have water. It doesn’t specify what the parents might or might not have sacrificed for their son. And besides, some animals eat their young, so I assume you’re not including them in your sample! On the general question of filial piety gone too far, all I can say is - it depends. I would certainly not like to be bound quite that tightly to my family, but I can imagine in tough times, families would have to stick together tightly to survive.
And to answer the question… 20. I wanted to laze around at home until I graduated
Yes, let’s leave animals out of this. You can’t draw conclusions about human behavior by drawing analogies with completely different species. After all, baboons reproduce by rape, and weasels by pedophilic incest. The daddy weasel impregnates all the baby female weasels after mama weasel delivers them. Now, how can we relate the sex life of the weasel to the human parental filiality instinct?
I only earn a little money but still have to give parents some money even at the moment I had no jobs since I had no other choices but to accept it. They basically only depand on kids about money. That condition is not often seen in these days for youngster here in Taiwan, but in an opposite way. That must be my filial duty I always told myself thats it. Or it must be love!
I moved out when I started university a week after my 18th birthday. I only moved home for about 1-2 months at a time when I was on a school break. Moved to Taiwan 4 days after turning 22. Now I’m getting closer to 25.
[quote=“Maoman”]17, but often home for up to 3 months at a time after that.
BTW, why do you have to support your parents? Did they fall on hard times or are you just being a good Confucian girl? I think that the concept of filial piety has been carried on too far here. It is against nature for the younger generation to support the older generation at the cost of their own development. I’m reminded of the story of the peasant boy who used his own body heat to melt snow so that his parents might have water to drink. He died, but this example is often used as an ideal example of filial piety. I think it is a horrible story. Even animal parents will sacrifice everything so that their offspring have a chance at life. Chinese culture obviously holds up different ideals.[/quote]
Actually, this happens in the states, too. It is compulsory and conducted in an organized fashion mandated by law. It is called “social security” and “medicare”. It is taken out of paychecks from working age people, and handed out to old folks. It is exactly the older generation being supported on the back of the younger generation. The working parents bearly making ends meet are paying into the pockets of some retiree in Florida.
Don’t misunderstand me - I think I would sacrifice everything for my parents if they needed it. But if I were a parent, I would never tell my children that they should sacrifice themselves for me - I’ll leave that to the Confucianists among us. If I were a parent, I would do everything in my power to ensure that future generations survived, and I would have less concern for my own fate. This has been the story of many cultures around the world, but it is not an ideal espoused by Confucian societies. I think that’s bizarre. And selfish.
I know people now who still give their parents money every month at great personal cost, even though their folks don’t need the money. It’s a kind of respect, sure, but I think it’s misplaced. I respect my folks with frequent phone calls and by maintaining a relationship based on love rather than obligation. If they ever needed money, they’d get it, but that would be because of love, NOT out of obligation. If parents are evil bastards to their children, then they should have no claim on ANY filial beneifts, no matter what Confuscius said.
As far as social benefits like medicare and social security go, I’m all in favour, since they’re not asking people to pay beyond their means. (At least in Canada - I don’t know what the situation is like in America.)
I’d say it’s pretty bad; I could have afforded to buy my ex-house outright if I hadn’t been forced to pay into Social Insecurity. As it stands, I have zero expectation of ever getting a dime out of SocSec; at best, I will get a minimal benefit after age 70, assuming I even live that long. (It’s even worse for a friend of mine’s mother – his parents immigrated, but his father didn’t live long enough to make the mandatory minimum payments into SocSec, so all the money he was forced to put in was stolen outright – the woman doesn’t get a dime of survivor’s benefits.)
As for me, off to college at 18, although I stayed at home during breaks, and came back for six months after graduating.
Again, I agree it is selfish and unreasonable, but again I think you’re not seeing the bigger picture when you start slagging Confucianists for it wholesale. I thought arabe made an excellent point on social security - in Asia, the social security network is, for the most part, tenuous. So it does make a certain amount of sense to put cultural pressure on the younger generation to look after the older generation and make sure they are in effect ‘paid back’ for the sacrifices they made to bring up their kids so that they don’t just bugger off and leave their parents in the gutter.
Now the specific situation of parents ‘making’ their children send money when they don’t need it, I agree is unreasonable and certainly related to the whole Confucian thing. But I think it’s a corruption - I don’t think he intended parents to live in luxury while their children starved, metaphorically speaking. I’m not sure that would have been a very likely event in those days. The problem of taking care of an aging, impoverished population would have been much greater. People of every culture have always been good at turning things to their advantage. Is everyone on social security - paid for by society’s taxes - desperately in need of the benefits? I’d say no - there are cheats in every system. But I don’t use the fact that cheats exist to say that makes social security a bad concept. Same with Confucianism. It’s a different system for a different situation.
Chinese culture will change with the times, slowly, with Westernisation. No one actually makes young people send money home - it’s family pressure, which can be intense, but the Piety Police won’t come in and drag you away or anything if you don’t do it. So gradually, this will probably change into more of a Western attitude as people will start to question exactly why they should do this and be willing to take the risk of alienating their families by refusing.
About time. 
If I were a parent, I would do everything in my power to ensure that future generations survived, and I would have less concern for my own fate. This has been the story of many cultures around the world, but it is not an ideal espoused by Confucian societies. I think that’s bizarre. And selfish.