Elle voulait jouer cabaret…
P. kaax
La France me manque. I still love France…no matter how much Okami makes fun of me for it. If I could I would have gone to France instead of Taiwan to teach English, but malheureusement, I didn’t have the start-up money required for living there. But I do plan on going to Europe when I leave Taiwan. Preferrably to a francophonic country if I can.
So there.
[quote=“ImaniOU”]But I do plan on going to Europe when I leave Taiwan. Preferrably to a francophonic country if I can.
So there.[/quote]
Whereas Taiwan is frankophonic:
“Did you put weight on? You’re looking fat.”
cnsnews.com/ViewCommentary.asp?Page=\Commentary\archive\200301\COM20030131c.html
France Surrenders to Texas High School
By David Burge
Paris (CNSNews.com) - What began as a six-day chaperoned music tour by a group of suburban Houston teenagers ended in an epic conquest in the pre-dawn hours of Friday morning as French military and government officials offered their unconditional surrender to students of the Aldine, Texas Eisenhower High School Music Department.
Accepting the surrender, Eisenhower High School Band and Choral Director Gary Baumer praised the French for avoiding further bloodshed and vowed an immediate postwar rebuilding effort.
“We hope to achieve national recovery by prom,” said Baumer. "The seniors have voted for the theme “Springtime in Paris.”
In a goodwill gesture, Baumer said the victorious students would soon begin releasing most of the 400,000 French prisoners of war they had captured during the brutal three-day campaign.
“We want the prisoners reunited with their families,” said Justin Gonzales, a junior tenor in the Eisenhower Glee Chorus. “Besides, you can’t even begin to imagine the smell.”
Baumer also granted former government officials and their families safe passage out of the country. Former President Jacques Chirac was last seen boarding his private Airbus jet at Orly Airport, as the Eisenhower Jazz Ensemble taunted him with an off-key rendition of “Na Na Na Na (Hey Hey) Goodbye.”
Chirac’s plane was reportedly intercepted and escorted away by Royal Air Force fighter jets as it attempted to enter British air space. According to sources familiar with Britain’s MI2 intelligence service, Chirac has accepted exile in Iraq.
Details of the Franco-American conflict were still emerging Friday morning, but British and American intelligence sources indicated the confrontation was prompted by the dismissive sneers of French onlookers as the Eisenhower Lady Madrigals performed ‘The Greatest Love of All’ at a Paris park.
“It may not sound like much, but after three days of smelly French cigarettes and being called ‘cowboys’ and ‘arrogant’ and ‘stupid’ and stuff, it finally gets to you,” said Megan Prosser, a sophomore alto who led the initial charge. “Basically, we just snapped.”
Those who have seen the videotapes of the Wednesday charge described it as “disturbing.”
“It is said the French oppose war because they know first hand its horror,” said Edward Krohn of the Naval War College. “When I see hundreds of grown French men being beaten senseless by Texas schoolgirls, I completely see their point.”
By the time the Eisenhower Boys Barbershop Chorale learned of the melee, the Lady Madrigals had already captured Paris’ Second, Third and Fifth Arrondisments.
“It became sort of like a game,” explained senior baritone Kevin Wilkes. “Like Ghost Recon , except the other guy just wets himself and runs away. We just wanted to win more ground than the girls and I guess it got out of hand.”
When dawn broke Friday, the students had swept north to Calais, blocking the English Channel for would-be French escapees.
Plagued by massive desertions and too-firm brie rations, the French army and Legion Etranger were ready to collapse by Thursday morning, but held out another 12 hours after receiving reinforcements from a group of 15 volunteer human shields from the United States.
Led by filmmaker Michael Moore, the group vowed to “use our own bodies to block American high school imperialism and colonialism,” and asked the French to “show us your solidarity with pastry, and some good butter.”
Moore was later taken into custody after an Eisenhower PsyOps agent mesmerized him with a box of the band’s fundraising chocolate bars.
Amid panic and widespread wine shortages, President Chirac called Washington Thursday evening to request emergency U.S. military support for the crumbling nation.
White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said President Bush vowed to “immediately send Secretary of State Powell to the United Nations to request the scheduling of a vote for the formulation of a committee to create an investigative team, at the earliest possible convenience.”
The assault continued into the night Thursday as various forces of the school’s performing arts department formed sweeping attack columns: Glee Club to the Pyrennes, Swing Band and Wind Ensemble to the Mediterranean, Symphonic Band to the Rhein. By early Friday morning, the fighting had largely ended.
“We kept hearing about some French resistance,” said Baumer. “Apparently that was a myth.”
Despite the furious action, casualties were low with no reported deaths. Some two million French remain hospitalized with minor injuries sustained while bowing, scraping, pleading and running away. Six of the 135 Eisenhower students were treated for injuries related to foot blisters and excessive kissing.
The swift rout of Europe’s second largest military force caught many in the international diplomatic community by surprise.
United Nations Secretary General Koffi Annan convened an emergency meeting of the General Assembly late Thursday to consider whether teen-occupied France would retain its seat on the UN Security Council.
A member of the Dutch delegation, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the country had sufficient votes to retain council membership because “international stability is paramount when considering American teenagers with nuclear weapons.”
By mid-morning Friday, more than 40 countries had contacted Baumer to offer congratulations and request formal diplomatic ties, but as many as 100 world leaders expressed concern over prank phone calls from students. Particularly hard-hit was President Uthai Partasuk Jaat of Thailand.
While normalization continues, there remains widespread confusion of the crisis and its effect on volatile world hotspots such as Iraq, Iran, Israel and North Korea.
On Friday, it remained unclear what the name of the new country would be. Baumer said the victorious band and choir members were evenly split between ‘France Junior’ and ‘Eagle Country,’ in honor of the Eisenhower school nickname.
Raucous celebrations followed news of the French surrender, as dozens of Eisenhower students tossed rolls of toilet paper at the barren elms along the Champs Elysses and staged drag races through the Arc de Triomphe, mooning the populace through the windows of commandeered Citroens. Others unfurled a huge banner from the Eiffel Tower declaring “EHS Rulez, EU Droolz”.
The revelry led Baumer to issue a stern reprimand to the students, warning of consequences including “UN sanctions, or even possibly a note home to your parents.”
In Aldine, disciplinary notes seemed unlikely to dampen the enthusiasm of parents and families of the triumphant Eisenhower music students. Hundreds of local residents followed the action on television, and the conquest of the Gallic land mass has become a point of civic pride.
“Beating France is the biggest win for Eisenhower since we beat Conroe Judson in the '88 Super-sectionals,” says longtime resident Wayne McDaniel, president of the Eisenhower Eagle Booster Club. “We’re planning a big wing-ding when they get back.”
Activities planned for the commemoration include a parade, as well as what McDaniel called “a very big plaque,” at the Aldine Kiwanis hall.
“Although, we might have to wait on that for a while,” added McDaniel. “We’re having a bake sale and car wash to send the football team to Germany.”
[quote]France Surrenders to Texas High School
By David Burge [/quote]
Well thank you blueface for yet another insight into why the world is the mess that it is. Your posting does not shed any light on why some people have chosen the French as their most-hated nation, but it admirably demonstrates the stupidity and arrogance of most of the people doing the hating.
I assume that your intention in reproducing the article was to highlight prevailing attitudes, rather than to endorse them yourself?
btw, France’s nuclear ‘deterrent’ was developed during the cold war, but the missiles apparently didn’t have the range to hit the USSR. The best guess that anyone could make was that, in the event of imminent defeat by the Russians, France would nuke Washington. The Americans would assume it was a soviet attack, and retaliate on behalf of the French, possibly saving them and at least ensuring that no-one else would ‘win’.
you guys need to chill out. i found the article hilarious. it’s a joke, for goodness sakes.
if i should happen to chuckle when someone makes a subtle reference to scots/kiwis and their fuzzy friends, please do not take that to mean i condone beastiality or cruelty to animals in any way, shape, or form.
as for the french, i’ve been seeing the phrase “cheese eating surrender-monkeys” a lot lately. "“surrender-monkeys” being a reference to french military failures of the past century and is not in any way a slur against gallic cheese eaters. 
ok, just had to add something i picked off a random message board today. he takes liberties with some historical facts, but i got a chuckle out of it:
The Complete Military History of France
Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.”
Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War - Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William’s War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as “de Gaulle Syndrome”, and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting.”
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it’s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn’t call her “Fraulein.” Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; “We can always beat the French.” This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald’s.
Let’s face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. They’ve been beaten so many times there’s no fight left in them.
God, Flipper, you’re sooooo ruuuuude!
Heh! Heh! Heh!
They must have won something? Football, cheese-rolling?
Anybody know?
I’m french and it will be my first post here but the topic is quite interesting.
So excuse my english grammar (since so many english teacher on the forum, I never dare to post anything before).
I am impressed that people can know more about french history than me. Especially since I spent more time in history class than english ones.
I am sorry can’t help you to find french victories. There must be some, otherwise french wouldn’t be as big as it is now.
I think french is a great country. For the people, some are good, some are bad just like everywhere else (don’t ask me my opinion about americans…)
I just want to speak about a NY Post interesting article about France. I didn’t read te article entirely, but in substance it was about americans who die during ww2. Saying that america fights against Hitler and they wonder why france doesn’t want to fight against Saddam Hussein (this comparison is quite strange imho)… And the article finish by something like French are used to be against everything from US even that strange habit americans have to take a shower once a day…
French is not perfect, but when I read such articles, I am kind of proud to be arrogant and self-centered…
My reasons to be in taiwan: I do take a shower at least once a day. So I am not welcomed in my own country
I’m not trying to be politically correct, just curious. Why is it acceptable to tell jokes about some categories of people and not others?
Lawyers, blonds, French, Polish, Italian, Black, Jewish, Mexican, cripples, midgets, homosexuals. . .
Why are some groups fair game for jokes and others off limits?
Dunno. Maybe lawyers and blondes are fair game because they weren’t actually born that way. 
French nationalism reminds me of the Chinese variety.
Jack Kelly, a former Green Beret pointed out in The Washington Times last week:
Could it be true???
Bush Travel Advisory for France
The following advisory for American travelers
headingfor France was compiled from information
provided by the U.S. State Department, the Central
Intelligence Agency, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the
Food and Drug
Administration, the Center for Disease Control andsome
very expensive spy satellites that the French
don’tknow about. It is intended as a guide for
American travelers only and no guarantee of accuracy
is ensured or intended.
General Overview
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated
onthe continent of Europe, and is for all intensive
purposes fucking useless. It is an important member of
the world community, although not nearly as important
as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain,
Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular
consequence or shopping opportunities. France is a
very old country with many treasures such as the
Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to
Western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese,
the guillotine, and body odor. Although France likes
to think of itself as a modern nation, air
conditioning is little used and it is next to
impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing
exasperation for American visitors is that the people
willfully persist in speaking French, although many
will speak English if shouted at repeatedly.
The People
France has a population of 54 million people, most of
whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like
lunatics, are dangerously over sexed and have no
concept of standing patiently in a line. The French
people are generally gloomy, temperamental, proud,
arrogant, aloof and undisciplined; those are their
good points. Most
French citizens are Roman Catholic, although you’d
hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are
Communists and topless sunbathing is common. Men
sometimes have girls’names like Marie and they kiss
each other when they hand out medals. American
travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear
baseball caps
and colorful pants for easier mutual recognition. All
French women have small tits, and don’t shave their
armpits or their legs.
Safety
In general, France is a safe destination, although
travelers are advised that France is occasionally
invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender
more or less at once and, apart from a temporary
shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in
getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life
for the visitors generally goes on much as before. A
tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the
English Channel
has been opened in recent years to make it easier for
the French government to flee to London.
History
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages.
Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the
Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles
de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now
an airport. The French armies of the past have had
their asses kicked by just about every other country
in the world.
Government
The French form of government is democratic but noisy.
Elections are held more or less continuously and
always result in a runoff. For administrative
purposes, the country is divided into regions,
departments, districts, municipalities, cantons,
communes, villages, cafes, booths and floor tiles.
Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and
Lower (although, confusingly, they are both on the
ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or
communists, neither of whom can be trusted.
Parliament’s principal pre occupations are setting off
atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant
when anyone complains. According to the most current
State Department intelligence, the current President
is someone named Jacques. Further information is not
available at this time.
Culture
The French pride themselves on their culture, although
it is not easy to see why. All of their songs sound
the same and they have hardly ever made a movie
thatyou want to watch for anything except the nude
scenes.
Nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel
(except perhaps an evening with a French family.)
Cuisine
Let’s face it, no matter how much garlic you put on
it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back.
Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent although
it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this
word. American travelers are therefore advised to
stick to cheeseburgers at McDonald’s or the
restaurants at the leading hotels such as Sheraton or
Holiday Inn.
Bring your own beer, as the domestic varieties are
nothing but a poor excuse for such.
Economy
France has a large and diversified economy, second
only to Germany’s economy in Europe, which is
surprising since people hardly ever work at all. If
they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch,
they are on strike and blocking the roads with their
trucks and
tractors. France’s principal exports, in order of
importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons,
perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber
weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack
aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.
Conclusion
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied
landscape and a temperate climate. In short, it would
be a very nice country if French people didn’t inhabit
it, and it weren’t still radioactive from all the
nuclear tests they run. The best thing that can be
said for it is that it is not Spain. Remember no one
ordered you to go abroad. Personally, we always take
our vacation in Miami Beach and you are advised to do
the
same.
Regards,
George W. Bush
President, United States of America
[quote=“formosa”]Could it be true?
Bush Travel Advisory for France
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated
onthe continent of Europe, and is [color=blue]for all intensive
purposes[/color] (sic) fucking useless…
Regards,
George W. Bush
President, United States of America[/quote]
He said “for all intensive purposes”. 
It must be him. 
Hey blueface666 and Flipper,
Yes, I did indeed piss myself laughing when I read both your posts. I am going donate all my guanxi to you both (divided equally of course) when that option returns to this forum. If either of you come to Kaohsiung, let me know…I want to buy you drinks.
You are both so very, very fresh.
DB
Hi RiclaBaric,
Thanks for joining our disucssion. Don’t worry about your English…your English is much better than my French.
I have one question (I also ask this of my Chinese friends who expound on the virtures of Chinese history and culture) … " Well yes, but what have you done lately?" Seems to me that France does nothing but whine but never contributes. You give me a list of what France has done to improve my quality of life and I will give you a list of what the USA has has done to improve yours.
DB
[quote=“Durins Bane”]Hey blueface666 and Flipper,
Yes, I did indeed piss myself laughing when I read both your posts. I am going donate all my guanxi to you both (divided equally of course) when that option returns to this forum. If either of you come to Kaohsiung, let me know…I want to buy you drinks.
You are both so very, very fresh.
DB[/quote]
Thank you kindly sir! I’d like a Dicken’s Cider.
France Protecting Iraqis from ‘Impetuous Freedom’
(2003-02-27) – France today announced that it opposes disarming Saddam Hussein by threat-of-force because it wants to protect the Iraqis and Arabs in the region who aren’t ready to live in a “civil society.”
An editorial in today’s issue of the French news source Le Monde captured the essence of this idea while criticizing U.S. President George Bush: "La r