You are a foreigner Papa

Taiwan Parenting
1

I can’t find a particular post on this so just starting one.

My son is almost 4 and the other night told me, “You are a foreigner Papa”.
So here we go now; he’s starting to get curious, realizing something is different, asking questions all the time and saying strange things.
He told his mother the other day he wants to be Taiwanese, but then told me he wants to be American like his father. I asked him what he is and he told me he is Taiwanese. I told him he’s also American and he replied with “Why?”. He asked why I don’t speak Chinese and then I answered him in Chinese which I seldom do and then he asked why I was speaking Chinese and not Taiwanese like Amah does…“But why?, but why? but why?”

He has some understanding from the globe that America is a land in a different place and that our Australian neighhbors are from another land on the globe and that another friend is Canadian etc…
I think these questions are coming up more because of age but also recently I have had him around alot of foreigners than before. Some of it he is also picking up from locals making a big deal out of him speaking both languages and than getting nosey and making certain comments.
I guess at a certain age it’s natural to start identfying more with oneself also. He wants to be a fireman one day, a jet pilot the next and yesterday from who knows where…he says…“I’m a hippie, give me five, I’m cool!” (Time to disconnect the cable I think).

Anyway, what are your experiences? How do you answer these questions? What’s in store as he gets older? Any funny/ interesting stories to share?

2

My son just froze when he first heard a man speak french at 2 years old. All the french speaking so far had been done by women, ie myself, my mum and friends. He ran to me and yelled “Mum, he’s a Dad but he speaks like a Mum”.

3

I remember hearing of a kid whose parents and other adult family members spoke Chinese, but they lived in the US, so he and the kids in the neighborhood and at school spoke English. So he thought Chinese was the language of adults, while English was a kids’ language.

4

No problemo. It’s true, isn’t it. So long as he doesn’t view that negatively I see no problem, just as it doesn’t bother me when my 4 year old girl calls me a Meiguoren, which I am.

All kids are curious. Just be honest with him. I ask my girl if she’s Taiwanren or Meiguoren; she proudly responds “MeiguoTaiwanren.” We’ve flown to and from the States many times, so she’s very aware that her mom has only a Taiwan passport, her dad has only a US passport, and she has both. No shame in any of that. It’s just the facts. So she takes pride in having both passports and being of dual nationality. The reason why she has two passports, we’ve explained to her, is because her mom is Taiwanese and her dad American, so she’s both. Good deal. It’s true, she’s fortunate, and she likes that answer.

[quote]He has some understanding from the globe that America is a land in a different place and that our Australian neighhbors are from another land on the globe and that another friend is Canadian etc…
I think these questions are coming up more because of age but also recently I have had him around alot of foreigners than before. Some of it he is also picking up from locals making a big deal out of him speaking both languages and than getting nosey and making certain comments.[/quote]

He should be proud to speak both languages. Our girl is. I tell her if she needs help with Chinese she should speak with mom, because mom’s an expert at that; if she needs help with English she should speak with dad, because dad’s an expert at that; but she’s fortunate because she can speak both languages equally well. Again, it’s the truth and she’s happy with that response.

I would hope your kid’s aware that people come from all different countries, all over the world, some are white, some brown, some black, some asian, and they all have different languages, customs, appearances, habits, etc. No biggie there either. It’s just a simple fact of life. Nothing to hide. In fact it’s good to discuss that openly with him. People are all different; no one’s better or worse; that’s just the way it is. The earlier he recognizes that the more accepting he’ll be of all people as an adult.

At 4 years old, of course, it’s extremely unlikely he’ll work out serious career plans. Best not to squelch any notions unless they’re clearly a bad idea (“Daddy, I want to be a prostitute/serial killer.”) So, we tell our girl if she wants to be a doctor, lawyer, fashion model, ballerina, or whatever, that’s fine (though my wife scowls when I jokingly tell her she can be a binglang girl). I can imaging the hippie comment having come from a local, but you may be right. In any event, too much TV is definitely bad for a kid.

Death, dying, sex, babies, nationality, etc. – honesty is almost always the best policy. I’ve even discussed heaven with my daughter recently (in response to her question), although I’m not a Christian, and I did my best not to be scornful of others, simply explaining that some people believe when a person dies he/she goes up in the sky to a place called heaven.

5

I’ve always tried to teach my kids awareness of their (for lack of a better term) being a product of a mixed marriage. Not because of some supposed notion that they are anything special, but more in terms of preparatory psychic defence against the predatory, derogatory comments, attitudes, and behaviour they will no doubt encounter from various members from both their parents’ tribes, er…, I mean,… cultures.

It’s natural that the younglings will be confused by the different mannerisms, expectations and general norms of behaviour amongst a couple of mixed culture. Add on language, peer pressure, and the inevitable lower-tier stereotyping, and it’s one rather large mixed bag.
I try and teach my kids to be proud of both their sources of heritage. For only an ignorant fool would even suggest that they are mutually exclusive.
Shine On, shine on!
:rainbow:

6

So here she is American Taiwanese and there she is Taiwanese American? :laughing:

Yeah, I tell him he is both but maybe I will get him to use your “MeiguoTaiwanren.” suggestion.

7

[quote=“TheGingerMan”]I’ve always tried to teach my kids awareness of their (for lack of a better term) being a product of a mixed marriage. Not because of some supposed notion that they are anything special, but more in terms of preparatory psychic defence against the predatory, derogatory comments, attitudes, and behaviour they will no doubt encounter …
[/quote]

As they get older I guess there will be more negatives. At a young age it’s all very cute but once school starts I guess there are occasional difficulties.

8

I’ve always told my boy that he is himself. There is nothing to be proud of or ashamed of, as he has neither achieved or committed anything.

I’ve told him that he doesn’t need to act in any certain way or believe in any certain god or have any certain political beliefs because of his race.

I’ve explained to him that “race” is irrelevant, unless he allows other people to make “race” relevant.

9

That’s awesome.

10

[quote=“tw1983”][quote=“TheGingerMan”]I’ve always tried to teach my kids awareness of their (for lack of a better term) being a product of a mixed marriage. Not because of some supposed notion that they are anything special, but more in terms of preparatory psychic defence against the predatory, derogatory comments, attitudes, and behaviour they will no doubt encounter …
[/quote]

As they get older I guess there will be more negatives. At a young age it’s all very cute but once school starts I guess there are occasional difficulties.[/quote]

I worry about it the other way…they get too much attention and special treatment, can’t be too healthy.