You're a Bastard

[Fox]

Years ago on the “Not the Nine O’clock News” there was a song called You’re a bastard.

I can remember one or two versus but not the whole thing. Does anybody know the whole song? It is a Kenny Rogers’ spoof.

… Now Bubber he’s a big boy,
He stood by your side,
And when you looked down to him,
a tear came to your eye
(there were two of them)
He said Pa what you told me it comes as no surprise,
Ma told me all about you 'fore she died.
You promised you’d always be true,
Never cheat on a blind woman,
That’s what you’d never do.
But you slept with her mother, her sister and her brother,
In a word she said you… were a bastard.
You’re a bastard,
You’re a bastard,
But you’re sstill my son,
You’re a bastard,
You’re a bastard what’s done is done.

[Bu_Lai_En]

Googled:

There are times when a boy becomes a man,
And things you couldn’t tell him, you suddenly can:
And when Billy grew up, I though it was the time
That I called him and laid things on the line.

And I said "Billy, you’re almost turned sixteen,
And I thought I ought to tell you about your mum and me:
I have to let you know we married thirteen years ago.
That means technically speakin’… you’re a bastard.

You’re a bastard, you’re a bastard,
But you’re still my son,
You’re a bastard, you’re a bastard,
What’s done is done."

Billy, he’s a big boy, he stood by my side,
And as he looked down at me, a tear came to his eye (and there was two of them):
He said "Dad, what you tell me comes as no surprise
Ma told me all about you before she died.

She said you’d promised you always be true:
Never cheat on a blind girl, that’s what you’d never do.
But you slept with her mother, her sister and her brother,
In a word she said you… were a bastard."

“You’re a bastard, you’re a bastard,
And you did my momma wrong, which is worse,
You’re a bastard, you’re a bastard,”
And I replied “But you were a bastard first.”

(Altogether now)
He’s a bastard, he’s a bastard (I’m a bastard),
He’s a selfish old shite (that’s me),
He’s a bastard, he’s a bastard,
And you know, that bastard was right,
And you know, that bastard… was right.

[Fox]

Thanks Brian,

I tried googling it last night in my stupor, but kept getting files on, Bill O’Rielly, a guy called Comrade Starlin, and someone called Sandman.

[Greg5705]

Guys, this song - or the “you’re a bastard” part popped into my head tonight before bed and I knew I knew it but couldn’t fill in the rest or remember where it came from. I was going to ask folks on Facebook but I googled and the only thing that gave the answer was here, so, thank you 2005 guys! I just wanted you to know that 18 years later you helped me out! You are not bastards Cheers Greg

[Greg5705]

PS I still can’t find it on YouTube but it will possibly be on one of the NTNON albums I bought back then

[chilifries]

[BiggusDickus]

I don’t remember that one. I liked Gob on You.