Not trying to be frustrating, and actually, I had a feeling you’d be frustrated with my “it’s all in your head” reaction. I just really don’t know what you’re talking about. It sounds like a very strange situation you’re experiencing, I wish I knew how to help more…
Actually, I will try to make one suggestion that might or might not be helpful. I find that people can innately sense when you are aware of them, and if I think someone is going to look at me, they invariably do even if I don’t look at them. So maybe you can just steel yourself to be oblivious to everyone around you. Maybe then people will sense that you’re not interested in them and will stop staring at you. And the ones that do stare won’t matter because you don’t notice them.
Definitely don’t stare back, unless you’re going to give them crazy eyes. If you give people eye contact, it just arouses their interest in you.
Oh no, I’m going to do crazy eyes.
Oh yeah baby!
haha
This might be fun!
D
Sidenote: Leo, did you used to live in Taiwan? Your location says NY??
sorry, Neo, not Leo
D
TG, The crazy eyes thing will work, but here are some alternatives. Read on.
Stares used to drive me nuts–especially 10 years ago when it was more intense–until I figured out how to deal with the situation.
What I did was just looked right back and gave a sexy wink. It worked like a charm. When I winked people just didn’t know where to look, their faces turned red and they got all embarassed.
There’s a caveat, though. For me–a guy–I didn’t wink at someone staring at me if they were women accompanied by men or if they were “gangster-looking” guys.
Now that I have some Mandarin ability, I usually just flash a little smile and nod. Usually, that ends the staring. And if they feel comfortable enough to want to practice their English with me, I just revert to Mandarin and end the conversation if I want to.
Occasionally though, I still get those intense starers and I have to revert to my sexy wink routine.
Hope this helps.
TG, sounds like you feeling pretty isolated and singled out or even violated. Anyone would contract and become more defensive when feeling that way. It’s simply the way we are built. The challenge is how to take care of yourself and not point fingers. The way that helps a person to grow and evolve is to learn how to relax and stay open (i.e still receptive, curious, and being able to engage in social interactions, eventually growing out of taking things personally.) Then, again, sometimes we simply hit our limits and have to honor those limits by getting out of the situation. Sounds like you are doing good by choosing to leave and taking care of yourself. I think your instincts are right on.
So sorry that you feel the way you do. Those are tough feelings. I wouldn’t like to feel constantly unwelcomed wherever I go.
stares are unfriendly, full stop.
IMO Taiwanese lack basic understanding of friendliness and I challenge everyone who tells me I am wrong. TG is right, it is very difficult to live among people who stare at you everywhere you go, people who talk about you some inch in front of you as if you are an animal, people who laugh and yell helooo the moment you passed by. The worse for me is being lectured by Taiwanese about them being friendly. A friend told me “I feel that people are freindly to me if they make me feel comfortable, not when they tell me that they are friendly”.
True to me.
Daveor Jimmy wrote:
[quote=“DaveorJimmy”]stares are unfriendly, full stop.
IMO Taiwanese lack basic understanding of friendliness and I challenge everyone who tells me I am wrong.
True to me.[/quote]
People stare out of curiosity, and here, perhaps also with a sense of incredulity. They don’t stare because they want to be unfriendly. That is ludicrous. I think you’re overreacting. What you are mostly having problems with is the fact that there are different cultural norms here than back home–wherever that is for you.
Back in the west people treat you “politely” by pretending you don’t exist. Strangers hardly ever look at you or even acknowledge your existence. I have been on the subway back home hundreds of times and NEVER made a single friend underground even though at times we were literally in each others’ faces. I could go for weeks back home without talking to anyone but my friends, family and a few people in grocery stores, etc.
Here, you know you exist. You get looked at because you are different. People want to talk to you, say hi to you, etc. It ain’t necessarily a bad thing. Get used to it and figure out a fun way to deal with it.
It all depends on your attitude.
To stare at people is unfriendly, Wookie. And if you suggest that those folks who stare don’t know it is, you make my point, it is a sign that they don’t know the basics. You don’t need unfriendly intentions to be unfriendly.
What crap. It’s impolite in the West perhaps, but that’s about it.
Quite right. When I stare at young girls’ lumpy bits friendliness is definitely foremost in my mind.
Maybe, with you its a case of “Us” and “Them.” The only problem with that way of thinking is that it is a one-way street that leads only to: “WE think this is the right way, therefore it IS the right way.”
Etiquette is culturally contingent. Therefore, in matters of etiquette we should hesitate before assigning value judgements to cultural traits.
I think they have an excellent cultural sensitivity/living in Taiwan workshop in Tien Mu at the Tien Mu Community Center.
Quote:
To stare at people is unfriendly, Wookie.
What crap. It’s impolite in the West perhaps, but that’s about it.
sorry Sandman - staring at people is absolutely rude in a Chinese society. People here do feel uncomfortable when others stare at them.
Just talked with my wife about it, and she said you post is crap.
[quote=“DaveorJimmy”]Quote:
To stare at people is unfriendly, Wookie.
What crap. It’s impolite in the West perhaps, but that’s about it.
sorry Sandman - staring at people is absolutely rude in a Chinese society. People here do feel uncomfortable when others stare at them.
Just talked with my wife about it, and she said you post is crap.[/quote]
Since when does rude = unfriendly?
As I said, its impolite. Your wife says its impolite here too. Fine. I don’t doubt it, and I don’t suppose they stare at each other – the civilized ones at least. However, as Hexuan so often points out, most people here are ignorant putzes, especially as regards foreign devils, and the same rules don’t apply to them. Ergo, you get stared at. They’re not being unfriendly, they’re simply uneducated country hicks, despite their flash cars and money.
You can take the man out of the bog…
Since when does rude = unfriendly?
my point is, I can understand people (foreigners) who feel uncomfortable in Taiwan. It doesn’t matter if the correct term to
describe the reason why is “rude” or “unfriendly”.
I see that according to you, people here can be rude but friendly.
Right. Me being a case in point.
okay, so far I’ve got the information from you guys that it’s people’s
own fault if they feel uncomfortable when Taiwanese are rude.
Wookie, I want to come back to you. You label Taiwanese staring as “it’s a different culture and hence we should not measured people’s behavior with adjectives”. (which is utter crap in my book). What’s your idea about Sandman’s description of Taiwanese being “uneducated”? Isn’t that a slap in the face of any person who praises the way Chinese culture emphasis the importance of education? 
Maybe you are paranoid AND they are out to get you. Or maybe not. Maybe you look funny because you think everybody is looking at you, and because you look funny they DO look at you. Or maybe there are ghosts flying around your head from your past lives and only Chinese people can see them. Or maybe nobody is staring at you but you just think they are. Or maybe this is all too varied and complicated and the best advice is to just forget the whole thing. I went with the last maybe years ago and have felt better ever since. Good luck.
Peasant - A poor person of low social status who works on the land. Used of people who live in countries where farming is still a common way of life.
Isn’t there something fundamentaly wrong with using a derogatory word to describe the people who produce the food that you eat? Not that many Taiwanese are farmers anyway. They do however produce a lot of the parts that go into the computers that you use everyday.
I believe locals know that staring is not nice but yes it is often incredulity that does it. I’ve had ‘evil glares’ and other blatant hostility aswell tg. I was alone in some hot springs in Maolin and I was told to go back where I came from by some local yuppies who then proceeded to tell me how pretty I was after I told them where I came from I learnt Chinese! The other day I was leaning against a column outside a department store munching away on a mcchicken waiting to meet some friends. This man and a couple of women walked past and the man continued staring at me over his shoulder with a look of scorn on his face. He said something to his sister/girlfriend and she turned her head around to have a look too. Mind you, they were all walking in the opposite direction, walking without watching where they were going, so they could have a good stare. It was the scorn that got to me. It was not innocent curiosity. I stared back and shrugged at him. Finally when they were about 30 meters away, he called out “ta hen e!” It was a criticism. This complete stranger took issue with me eating in public. If I hadn’t been a foreign woman?
At a bar I was alone again waiting for my friends and the bitchy xioajies behind the bar starting talking about how ugly and dirty I was. Not impressed, dude. You know what I have noticed over time, though? I have been treated with more respect when I have company with me - especially a bunch of fellow Westerners. Alone and without support, it seems I am a like a bad post or something just waiting to be torn to shreds. Alone, your every move is scrutinised and a wrong move or a single ungraceful gesture is eagerly anticipated so that you can be mocked and put down. It’s not in my head. With a friend or two, the same people who are waiting to see you be humiliated are completely different people who are all smiles and compliments. In other words, I’ve met people who ARE out to get you!
These are just the worst experiences I 've had, though… PM me for a bunch of amazing ones to make up for them!
I agree about the discrepancy between what we are told about the friendliness of the locals and how friendly they really are. In my experience people are most friendly (my definition of friendly is: not looking for flaws and mistakes and failure to conform to the same standard of politeness/manners) when you are not alone.
Other staring situations that get to you on a bad day: At the lights, people stare at you through their or your side mirrors. For some reason, this method is one that particularly bothers me. In public places, people spot you and then turn around to walk past you again to have another look, or pretend they’re staring at something behind you. Most of it’s all in good fun though.