I have a friend, he’s alcoholic. His girlfriend decided to dump him, and the problem is he’s been living there rent free for quite some time, but went back to the states for 10 months, came back here, went on a vacation, and his girlfriend wants him out by April. I don’t know what went on between them but she jumped the gun, bought him a plane ticket back to the states for next wednesday, and wants him out immediately. Problem is he hasn’t had time to get rid of his stuff or whatever.
He called talking about killing himself, and he is obviously drunk. I’m a lousy therapist but he clearly needs help, especially with the drinking and I can’t do shit about it. I know if he goes back to the states I’ll likely not ever see him again because you know how expensive it is to get help over there, but he needs them.
Problem is I have no idea how I can stop that from happening. He’s got no money but neither do I. But at the same time he needs to quit drinking (however he’s had no desire nor inclination to stop), so I’m not sure what I can do for him. I told one other friend of his about it because I think the situation warrants it… I’m not sure what’s being done.
I contacted another friend of his, I don’t know if something’s being done about it. I have no idea what else to do. I don’t think he’s a suicide risk but I am worried he will drink so much that he passes out.
I think maybe this is the best option available to you, outside of trying to get professional help. I know there are at least a couple of options for the latter, but I’ve no idea how well they work in Taiwan (I suspect not perfectly), and the person would need to want to do that.
If it’s as serious as you say, maybe his other close friends should indeed be made aware so they can try to help him. He might not like that and he might get annoyed at you, but what can you do.
I wouldn’t attempt counseling yourself, as you’ve already said. I agree that you’re probably not well equipped for that. (And nor am I.)
I do think he needs medical help to taper off alcohol because it isn’t helping him physically or financially. I just don’t think he’ll get it in the states.
Yes I’m aware he isn’t going to like it, but I got no choice.
I think once you’ve done that and made clear that you’re available if he wants to talk/meet, don’t stress him out too much or obsess over it. Ultimately there’s a limit as to what you can do and a limit as to how much your problem it is, even if they’re a good friend (are they?).
The odd “hey, how’s it going?” is probably fine, but IMO there’s no need to send him 15 messages a day rambling on about how employees need to use holiday days to take out the garbage or welding or anything like that. Just sayin’.
@Taiwan_Luthiers listen to this part, let people deal with it who know what they are doing. Don’t take it personally but I don’t think you have the social awareness and empathy to deal with this sort of situation. Making people aware and getting help that is what you can do, once you have done your part step back and let them deal. You may think your helping but its easy to have the opposite effect.
Either one of those alone would be far too much, but it’s not reasonable to expect TL to swoop in and solve everything, first as a relationship coach then as a doctor. If the guy and his girlfriend couldn’t sort it out themselves, what is TL going to do?
Yeah it takes a shit load of I-dont-even-know-what to get involved in peoples problems like this and actually help and to come out of it unscathed yourself.
I don’t think TL can do anymore than.he had done already.
The guy needs to take some responsibility for his own life, his girlfriend probably already tried to help him a dozen times. It’s not her job or TL’s job to be a homeless shelter.
They always say the will to change needs to come from the alcoholic themself.
All I got out of him is that his girlfriend forbade him from drinking at her house and he basically thinks she’s not his boss because they’ve already broken up, and I believe she got pissed off. I told him I saw this coming a mile away. They weren’t exactly living together before, and he spent his days at her house in Neihu basically doing who knows what. He says he’s pissed about losing jobs because of covid or for being too old, but since I’m not him I have no idea what’s his job performance or whatever is like, and Taiwanese aren’t known for being direct.
He said he cleaned up and quit drinking while in the states, but when I hang out with him after coming back he still drinks enough to where he’s essentially not there once he drinks too much. I agree he’s gotta want to get help but he appears unwilling to get help (says it’s because weed is illegal in Taiwan).
The only one who can help him is himself. I’m not sure why TL has not taken him to the catholic church being a devout church going catholic and prospective priest himself . They’d give him some, bread and water. Likely even point him in the direction of the
shelter. The catholic church know all the numbers and addresses for this.
Because he’s atheist like so many westerners these days, he thinks all religions are a scam. I don’t think bible thumping is going to help. No, he needs a doctor but he’s gotta want to get help. I don’t think he should quit cold turkey, in fact it will likely be harmful to do so, but someone needs to follow him around and give him enough alcohol to function, and nothing more, and taper down over time, but I highly doubt he will ever agree to that, but it’s what he needs.
He’s already reporting lack of appetite, as in he needs weed to want to eat, so it’s likely he’s already experiencing liver failure but doesn’t know it. I told him he needs to get checked out.
I think he’s just been drinking on his girlfriend’s dime and she’s probably sick of it.
I’m not sure I want to be a priest, I doubt I’d ever meet their chastity requirement.
I tried other friends but they don’t seem to be in a huge hurry to help, so they likely already know what’s up.
Random question: how old is he?
If he needs weed to eat, he got a problem that normal people like you cannot help. Hospital or maybe a specific doctor.
