Adult Virgins?

Discussion Open Forum
1

What’s the best word/phrase to describe a 30 yr-old virgin in Taiwan?

    1. socially responsible
    1. god’s chosen one
    1. just one aspect of confucian culture, neither good nor bad
    1. my intended spouse
    1. totally whack
    1. mmmmmm… ; )
    1. other (please explain)

0 voters

Last night a 30 yr-old virgin slept in my apartment. At least that’s how my gf describes her, and they are close friends. The girl has apparently never had a date, except for 1 or 2 blind dates she was set up on. She’s no great beauty but she’s a nice girl (although she chews her food with her mouth wide open). She’s not religious, doesn’t live at home with mommy and daddy anymore and doesn’t seem to be a lesbian. She just apparently never learned to talk to guys, or doesn’t find them attractive, or is scared, or not interested, or something, so she’s all alone and never slept with a guy.

I used to work with another woman in her mid thirties who lived at home with her parents and credibly informed me that she was/is a virgin too. It seems to me this phenomenon is pretty common in Taiwan. What do you make of it?

2

Well, they are common if they are in their late twenties and mid-thirties. But if you asked anyone that was born after 1975, then the virgin part will not be common. That is how society is back in the days, no sex are allowed until the day you get marry, but not anymore! :wink:

3

That’ll be me then.

First Boss Hogg gets a thread about himself, now I get my very own poll, Wahay !

4

Good point Matthewh. Maybe this should have gone in the About Boss Hogg thread. :wink:

5

I know a girl who is 32 years old and I presume she is a virgin, too. Although I have never asked her directly her best friend told me she has never had a boyfriend and never been on a date. She still lives at home, too.

Sadly, once a women reaches the age of 30 her chances of finding a partner begin to rapidly diminish.

I think it’s a good point. There could be more 31 year old virgins than 21 year old virgins.

6

I applaud anyone who chooses to abstain from premarital sex for moral reasons, but a thirty-year-old woman who just doesn’t have the social skills to feel comfortable dating and get laid once a while, that’s awful. There’s a difference, don’t you think?

And when they finally do land a partner, maybe an arranged marriage, it could go both ways. They could be with a very sensitive man who makes sex the wonderful experience it should be, or they could be with a complete jerk with no understanding of a woman’s needs.

7

[quote=“braxtonhicks”]I applaud anyone who chooses to abstain from premarital sex for moral reasons, but a thirty-year-old woman who just doesn’t have the social skills to feel comfortable dating and get laid once a while, that’s awful. There’s a difference, don’t you think?

And when they finally do land a partner, maybe an arranged marriage, it could go both ways. They could be with a very sensitive man who makes sex the wonderful experience it should be, or they could be with a complete jerk with no understanding of a woman’s needs.[/quote]

That’s why I think it is, despite all of the health risks and emotional baggage that go with it, a very good idea to experiment with different partners prior to settling down (marriage or whatever). My family is very conservative in terms of domestic politics and quite open regarding social matters. I was raised to believe that sex is an absolutely wonderful thing and vital to a healthy relationship, and thus my expectations were high from the get go.

I think it sad when someone is unable to enjoy good sex due to any reason… but when the reasons are ignorance and or uncertainty and or unhealthy attitudes regarding sex… well, that’s a tragedy, really.

8

Thanks, Tiger, I’ll have to remember those lines. :wink:

9

Are you guys reading the same thing I am?

ME wrote: [quote]Last night a 30 yr-old former virgin slept in my apartment.[/quote]

Seems odd to me :smiley: :shock: :stuck_out_tongue: :laughing:

10

I voted “other” so I must explain.

I think in Taiwanese society there is an enormous pressure on people to get married and have children. So a 30 year old virgin is not necessarily going to be that concerned about her virginity, but more about the fact that she remains unmarried and childless. Even if she has a good job, education, etc. many people are going to think negatively of her because she is not yet married. [The same thinking might not apply to men in Taiwan and it may be acceptable for them to marry later in life].

Lu Xiulian (Taiwan’s Vice-President) is regarded as a bit of an oddity by many Taiwanese because she never married. This is despite the fact that she is most well-known and important Taiwanese woman in the world. Taiwanese (depending on their politics of course) should be very proud of her and the many things she has done in her life as a feminist, activist and supporter of Taiwanese independence.

11

It’s their choice, plain and simple. I find nothing wrong with it.

12

Hmm… wasn’t something similar discussed in an earlier post about crazy xiao jie in Taiwan? I was going to post something there, but that thread was kind of old so I didn’t want to bring it up again.

So here’s what I think: Social conservatism is one thing, but many failed to consider the fact that sex education in Taiwan isn’t really that open and “educational” (which I guess contributes to "social conservatism?). I still remember in middle school whenever guys talked about sex/girls, some girls would frown and at the same time complained “hao2 er3 shin1 oh5~~” (that’s disgusting!). To some extend, my guess is those same girls never grew out of it.

It’s not so much they don’t talk about it or have no one to talk to (you should all know by now, Taiwanese are gossipy! :wink: ). But rather the mentality and attitude towards sex never developed or matured beyond the point of “er3 shin1” (disgust). The shame and disgust of discussing sex (or acts of such) stay with them even when guys approached them. And I would argue the shame immediately turned into anger and fear as soon as the first guys tried to finger them. And indeed, the believe that “one must not have sex until after marriage” is still alive and well among some women (no more, I am told. I was “informed” that one can not find a young virgin in Taipei anymore).

The lack of interaction with guys is based on the same points made above, disgust and fear. And the not-so-pretty girls never receive attention from guys becauase, you probably have noticed, they always hang out with one pretty gal as the “best friend”… and the best friend is always the crown jewel guys are after. That fear and shame is then brewed to become dispise and self-pitty. Discouraged with low self-esteem, they spend less time in their appearance and behavior, hence the cycle continues (I am not pretty enough; no guys will pay attention to me; I don’t need to spend time lookig pretty for those bastards; I don’t want to ever talk to them! [and in the meantime, the guys are thinking] what the hell, there’s no way I am going to go out with that nerd; who’s her best friend – She’s hot; how come she’s always quiet and looks as if she hates me?)

This even happens to pretty girls too. They are insecured and afraid that guys are only interested in their bodies and looks. Unfortunately, I think guys have some kind of sixth sense (speaking from my own experience). The less the girl feels secured, the more she acts insecured and uncomfortable, and the less we are attracted to her. Not that this is a reason to dump someone, but it sure creates a lot of unnecessary problems (please refer back to the “creazy xiao jie” thread for more info). Of Asian girls from different nationalities I have dated, Taiwanese girls rank #1 in insecurity (hence, in some ways, craziness.)

A little off topic here: Austrialian Chinese girls are great with their independence, smart, witty and funny; one feels completely relaxed with them; Malaysian Chinese girls are my favorite, very family and traditional in some ways, but still retain the western flavor of independence and personal ambition; I love them so much that I married one! Pre-generation-X Japanese girls are totally traditional and very family oriented; you don’t have to tell them what to do in terms of chores, cooking and they orient their worlds around you; it can become a burden pretty soon to some; Hong Kong girls… control freaks! [don’t flame, just my observation and experience!]

13

I know a few Taiwanese women who are around that age and also virgins. It seems that they just haven’t gotten around to being very interested in men yet. Nothing wrong with it, if they are happy.

The only other insight I have is that my girlfriend has told me on a few ocassions that there is a bit of a social onus, coming from Taiwanese men (and these women’s mothers), for women to remain virgins until marriage.

14

I think that many Asian women aren’t as sexually liberated as those in the west due more to family and societal pressures. I always hear women lumped into categories here of nice girls and bad girls. Even expats call the bad girls things like ‘bar’ girls, ‘spicy’ girls or even ‘corner monkeys’, etc.
Western women can explore and become sexual equals to men without getting such reputations. It is not ‘totally whack’ here for there to be virginal 30 somethings, while it may be considered so in the West. An idea that is just as disturbing when you think about it.

And besides, women don’t regard sex the same way as men. Such Taiwanese women may have the right idea to protect their psyches by keeping their legs closed.

15

When you say “virgin”, do you really mean “female virgins”? It seems that most of the discussions concern women. Not quite 30, but I know a 28 year-old Taiwanese male virgin who wants to wait until he’s married. Sadly, he thinks that won’t happen soon as he doesn’t have a lot of money…or that may be some kind of excuse/barrier to keep him from opening up to women. Who knows…
(I also know a 29 year-old non-Taiwanese male virgin who says he’s too ugly to attract women.)
If being a virgin is a choice of the individual I see nothing wrong with it, but if they really want to have sex, but don’t because of some kind of inferiority complex or social restraint, I feel it’s a bit sad.

16

I agree. I still find it very disturbing that in the West, there are middle-school-aged kids having oral sex. My kid is in middle school already. :!:

17

Sorry I can’t fix the poll. I realized it was messed up almost immediately but forumosa is not letting me fix it. I should be able to do so by editing my first post, right? But when I click edit from there it doesn’t show the poll. I asked Maoman for assistance this morning but i think he must be offline today.

I intentionally didn’t limit the subject to female virgins. While there are differences, I think some of the same principles apply to men and women. I agree with those who say that if it really is a legitimate choice to remain a virgin, more power to them. But if it’s due to insecurity, fear, having gone to segregated schools, lived at home into adulthood, never having learned how to socialize and figuring it’s easier/less risk to just stay home alone, then that seems sad to me.

18

I’d like to know what middle school is…is that the same as junior high school?

19

What’s wrong with that? Just talking about sex never got anyone pregnant. :wink:

20

I feel sorry for the guy who finally gets at shot at popping a 30-year-old virgin’s cherry.
I mean, man, by that time the hyphen must be as tough as rhino’s skin…:smiley: