Another dreadful cross-cultural relationship debacle

Life Dating & Relationships
41

Hehe, the arrogance of the male human.[/quote]

Likewise for the female human. The power of denial is incredibly strong.

The last person I or any other guy would, or should, ask about women is a woman, especially one who has grown up in a post-Oprahfied, post-feminised Western country. They’ll tell you the complete opposite of how women react to and behave around men, and then go and contradict their own words at the very next encounter with any man. It’s like getting a lecture about the perils of smoking from your two packs a day dad. I pretty much take it all with a grain of salt. Call that arrogant if you will.

The OP was a classic example of an intellectual whore/cuddle bitch. Hopefully, a month in Taiwan will set him straight. If not, nothing will.

42

Hmmm… The OP said they are both kinda egg-heads. Why not even think of the scenario that she is just too realistic to be romantic? Just too much of a scientist to say things a romantic way?

And if both are like this, then maybe even the 65% thingy is not a big deal.

43

well, i told her the whole spiel. the surprising part was that she accepted it totally, and calmly. i told her i’d spend a year in taiwan, and after that if we’re both single then maybe we’ll give it another go round. i really doubt i’ll be single at that point though.

olm is actually pretty on the mark, both of us are total shit at romanticism and we just kind of tell each other the truth. crazy, huh?

the problem still remains that she was seriously considering that other guy, so even though she redeemed herself a little by acting like a sane human being, it remains impossible to go back to her. she’s still shopping, definitely and any more involvement with her risks getting my dick slammed in the door.

44

Good on you mate.

If you are the only one for her or the very best available, and you tell her that you will be playing the field for one year and then maybe get back to her - well she would not have been happy.

So a reasonably OK ending and then on to new adventures.Good luck.

45

she’s still trying to get back together with me via email. she says she “feels guilty and wants to make it up to me”. it’s definitely a trap and not in my best interests. do feel kinda guilty but meh, what can you do. them asians is crazy.

she would put my penis in a glass case again in an instant but it is kind of flattering.

46

Dude, shag her and her best friend (or sister if you can) and then drop her like a hot potato.

47

[quote=“fripping”]she’s still trying to get back together with me via email. she says she “feels guilty and wants to make it up to me”.[/quote]Where are you now? Did you make to Taiwan or are you still waffling around back in your home country. It’s been over 7 months since your first posting. How about an update?

48

no sex until marriage, she’s a prude who won’t give it up until then. i had a 2 year relationship of nothing but blowjobs and nerdy intellectual intercourse. any promises at “making it up” are a lure to get married to me for a greencard. i guar-an-tee it.

didn’t want to teach or deal with chinese people anymore. haha, yeah i’ve been in a depressive funk for the past 7 months. going to go do organic farming in australia. really going to happen this time, promise.

not really a problem here. . . just. . . chinese girls are crazy and it kinda feels good to turn the cold shoulder on that.

49

[quote=“fripping”]
it’s funny, my mom and dad had a 99% sexless marriage, it’s eerie how the pattern is coming out. how the hell can i break the cycle? hopefully shipping out is a step in the right direction.[/quote]
My father doesn’t exactly come across to me as having been a player back in his days…
I made sure to learn how to break the family inheritance during my teenagehood and then coming to the 'wan :smiley:

[quote=“GuyInTaiwan”]The OP is seriously in need of an introduction to Ladder Theory:

http://www.laddertheory.com/

Also, try the intellectualwhores forums:

http://iwforums.com/[/quote]
I find this theory sad. It’s all about people using each other in a way or another.
Where is passion or seduction gone into that?
I can’t help seeing it as another product of that cynical-nihilist pov emanating from LA’s culture.
I’m happy I’m French :stuck_out_tongue:

[quote=“GuyInTaiwan”]
The last person I or any other guy would, or should, ask about women is a woman, especially one who has grown up in a post-Oprahfied, post-feminised Western country. [/quote]
Please, do not confuse Anglo-American world with Western World. Things are very different for the 400 millions europeans.
Heck I’m even confident Australians and Brits would object to the term “anglo-american”.

[quote=“fripping”]
not really a problem here. . . just. . . Chinese girls are crazy and it kinda feels good to turn the cold shoulder on that.[/quote]
As for you, OP, you tried a bad sample. Just imagine that some of them can be really nice though. Hence why so many of us stayed living here.

50

yeah, right. it’s kinda pointless going on a taiwan forum and dissing chinese girls, huh. it’s a personal milestone best celebrated elsewhere. . . and yes there are plenty of nice ones, i just have a bad mental association now.

p.s. love the autocapitalization of chinese.

51

2 years of blowjobs doesn’t sound all that bad.

52

[quote=“fripping”]Jerry and Julie were a Chinese-American couple. Julie was Chinese and had graduated from college in America about six months ago. She couldn’t find a job in the U.S.A. and went home to Shenzhen because she was homesick and out of money. Jerry had talked it over with her and had agreed to go with her to Shenzhen to teach English until they earned enough money to go back to grad school in America together.

The problem was, shortly before Julie left, Jerry noticed she spent a lot of time talking with a Chinese boy online. She really had a good time chatting with this fellow and showed him a lot of emotional warmth which was usually only spent on Jerry and nobody else except Julie’s mumma.

Julie told her boyfriend that this Chinese guy was a marriage candidate that her parents suggested and also a guy she liked in school before she came to America. She also said that although he was charming she knew she couldn’t really trust him and he just wanted into her pants. But that didn’t stop her from chatting.

On the day she left the country Julie told her boyfriend that this boy was 30% of the reason she was leaving the country, and the rest was homesickness/money related.
She said that there was a 65% chance she and Jerry would stay together and get married in the end.

A few days after she arrived back home, Julie said that the Chinese boy did indeed turn out to be a liar as she suspected and she wasn’t having anything to do with him. Not enough money or a bad job or whatever, maybe he still lived at home, who knows. He lived in a city far from her so it’s likely they didn’t fuck.

Julie asked Jerry to come soon so they could be together, but Jerry hesitated. As much as he had warm, gooshy feelings for Julie and wanted to get back to her, something was holding him back.

Would that failed marriage candidate really be Julie’s only indulgence? Was Jerry just a placeholder until a Chinese dude of equal or greater quality came along? Julie’s willingness to try out other guys completely undermined Jerry’s trust and confidence in her.

Although this Chinese guy probably wasn’t going to lead anywhere, Julie still was sincerely trying him out for size in the off chance that he might be an acceptable husband.

Is Jerry right in thinking it might be wiser to go teach alongside his expat American pal in Taiwan rather than risk it with Julie in Shenzhen? Or is he a paranoid weirdo that holds on to a grudge too long and spends way too much time overthinking shit?[/quote]

Above in bold is all you need to read to know her intentions.

Jerry was 100% correct to let that girl go.

He was only filling a void and she was stringing him along till something better came about.

She sounds Taiwanese. When I first moved here my room mate starting dating this girl that worked the bar at a very popular whitey hangout of the time. He was smitten over this girl, as she was both very hot and his first taste of a local girl. One day he asked her where they stood as a couple (after she had been tough to reach for a few days) and she informed him he was ‘option 2’ but he should feel good because there are 6 options currently in play.

Ladies, its all or nothing with men, and even if it isn’t tell them it is. Unless you are a booty call or a fuck buddy, then it is all good to be distant.

53

[quote=“Ed en Vadrouille”]I find this theory sad. It’s all about people using each other in a way or another.
Where is passion or seduction gone into that?
I can’t help seeing it as another product of that cynical-nihilist pov emanating from LA’s culture.
I’m happy I’m French :p[/quote]

It depends upon what you mean by using eachother in a way or another. I don’t believe in altruism. Even two people involved in a “deep” relationship are still getting something from one another. Life is a series of transactions, and that doesn’t mean that has to be a bad thing, or even that it’s some zero sum game.

[quote]Please, do not confuse Anglo-American world with Western World. Things are very different for the 400 millions europeans.
Heck I’m even confident Australians and Brits would object to the term “anglo-American”.[/quote]

Yes, Europeans are even worse. You’ve lost all vitality in your cultures to the point where you won’t deal with the barbarians at the gates (or inside the gates for that matter) and you won’t breed to save your civilisations. At least the New World has some vitality left and/or manages to do integration reasonably well. In fifty years, much of what people now call Europe simply won’t exist culturally, Europe’s saving grace might come from another Jan Sobieski from the east where there’s still some vitality (though not much) left. I’d call European civilisations far more nihilistic than anything coming out of L.A. Charles Martel must be rolling in his grave right now.

As for Australians and Brits, Australia has always been someone else’s (first Britain’s, then America’s, and increasingly China’s) lapdog. Britain is at sea in terms of a national identity. It still can’t quite get over the loss of empire and the diminished status that has brought, desperately doesn’t want to be seen to be America’s lapdog, yet also doesn’t want to make its peace with Europe and accept its place as one of many lesser players that might be able to be a big player together, because it still can’t get over the fact that despite seeing off the Hun twice and the little Corsican, it’s none the better for it. Brits might indeed object to the term Anglo-American (and many within Britain, especially Scots, might object to the term Brit), but what shall they call themselves instead? What else shall they hang their hats on? They’re not too crazy about the term European, and Great Britain is looking more like Lesser Britain by the day.

54

she actually did always tell me i was her first choice, just that she wanted to “check out a couple others to make sure”. she ended up not liking them. but seriously, yeah it’s all or nothing.

think she partly misses me, partly misses having a loser laowai to boss around and demand money from, and partly wishes she could get a green card. she is always looking for something better, but so far she hasn’t found it.

she’ll find it someday though and if i’m with her at the time it would just mean another knife in my back.

55

why don’t you tell her the same thing and see her reaction…maybe u can add that u don’t mind being with her now but at the same time u are checking out some others too…

56

why don’t you tell her the same thing and see her reaction…maybe u can add that u don’t mind being with her now but at the same time u are checking out some others too…[/quote]

haha i did, i think it’s driving her crazy. sweet, sweet revenge. how dare anybody treat her as shittily as she does other people! ehehehe rubs hands together and cackles

57

what goes around comes around…i wouldn’t call it revenge, you are now speaking in the same language that she understands…

58

oh no, you mean she might actually be receptive to that? :ponder: i just want to make her suffer while i meet somebody better! :discodance:

59

[quote=“fripping”]she actually did always tell me I was her first choice, just that she wanted to “check out a couple others to make sure”. she ended up not liking them. but seriously, yeah it’s all or nothing.

think she partly misses me, partly misses having a loser laowai to boss around and demand money from, and partly wishes she could get a green card. she is always looking for something better, but so far she hasn’t found it.

she’ll find it someday though and if I’m with her at the time it would just mean another knife in my back.[/quote]

Im pretty sure she doesnt want the greencard, when my boss asked me where we were going to live after marriage, I replied

“How far can you take a Chinese girl from her family?”

He was satisfied that I was then “stuck” in the 'wan. Read about some Chinese culture before getting on your high horse about “merica” being the ultimate good, try some quotables from here,

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061011012637AAKNaOs

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Chinese_proverbs

“The poorest man is he without a family.”

or my personal favorite

“Beat your child once a day.
If you don’t know why, the child does.”

60

You mean… the way how Chinese people automatically get capitalistic, even in a maoist China? SCNR