You know I have had people who says I hide behind Asperger’s or use it as a crutch.
So what do they expect me to do? read their mind? Everyone reads me like a book but how I am making others feel is a complete mystery to me. For all I know I am pissing people off left and right and that the best I can expect out of people is that they do not have the time to think about me.
I tried many mental health professionals and none of them will run a DSM assessment on me. Either they do so silently or it is really expensive to do so in Taiwan, so they don’t do it.
Who can I talk to for this, or are there doctors in the US who can do this over skype?
My Asperger’s and inability to know how I am making people feel is seriously hurting me. I go around assuming everyone hates me, precisely because I can’t tell at all and that as far as I can see, people pretend I do not exist. So I must be somewhere between totally uninteresting and getting on people’s nerves.
In what context? When you’re among strangers? Generally-speaking, I find that people in Taiwan tend to be distant and try to avoid unnecessary interactions. Even in places where people might socialize in other countries, like bars, the majority prefer to stare at their phones than strike up a conversation.
So perhaps you’re reading too much into this? In other words, lots of here pretend everyone they don’t know doesn’t exist.
Well I don’t have many Taiwanese friends, because it’s really hard for me to be friends with them without bragging about how much land I own, how much money I make, and stuff like that. Either all Taiwanese are extremely rich or they pretend to be. Plus such conversations are just shallow, and Taiwanese do not like neurodiversity at all.
I am speaking of most of my Westerner friends, whether it’s in Taiwan or back in the states. All of them pretend I don’t exist. Or rather I can spend months or years not talking to them and they will NEVER EVER initiate a conversation. I will message them saying hi, how you’re doing, been a while since we talked but they either do not respond, or they are “busy”. In fact apart from my parents, no one will talk to me automatically. The only time someone has communicated with me, or talked to me of their own initiative is to tell me that I did something wrong, I been a bad boy, etc. and never for anything nice.
So for me “everyone hates me” becomes a foregone conclusion.
Hi
You and I like banjos that is good enough for me.
To me you come across as someone who does not like America or the west , but that you do not fit in well with Taiwanese either.
I know a couple of good psychiatrists. They treat at major hospitals but better off going to their private clinics.
Do not mistake me as someone who dislike the West or America. I am an American through and through but I am also not happy with its government and its duality. I feel the government do not represent the people but rather its corporations, and the people are brainwashed to think that everything is good or that every other country is a third world shithole compared to America.
There are goods and bad but in America I could probably find a group to fit into, but Taiwan lacks diversity of any kind. If you are not good with the mono culture of Taiwan, then you are out. But then again people here don’t act as if you are up to no good and harass you just because you are in their neighborhood.
The problem as far as Autism goes is they do not accept adult diagnosis of autism. They assume that autism is diagnosed as a child so if you have no proof of this diagnosis as a child, or you were missed, then tough luck.
I’m not a mental health professional but I have a degree in headology and did a few dumbass courses, for whatever that’s worth. I also identify with your “I think everybody hates me” conclusions - that was my younger self. Most likely nobody cares about you one way or the other. And that’s fine. A surprising majority of people have only a very small circle of close friends.
Thing is, TL, you’ve started occasional threads on this topic and you’ve had a lot of good advice from well-meaning people (and qualified people, in some cases - there are a couple of others here IIRC). You’ve ignored all of it.
Your problem isn’t Asperger’s or ASD. You’re just lazy, and you’re fishing for excuses so that you can carry on feeling miserable. Talking to a doctor will not help. There is no magic pill or procedure that will fix this. The only person who can help you is you. Getting yourself out of this rut will require a shitload of hard work, and the sooner you start the sooner you can reap the benefits. Basically, you’re going to have to learn social interaction the way “normal” people learn to play a musical instrument. I can give you some hints and tips if you wish, but it does require that you actually practice.
The advise given all cost money. So how do you expect me to follow them? Go rob a bank?
All the Neurotypicals have constantly told me to put myself in other people’s shoes. So why dont you try it?
How about trying to figure out why the hell people are all pissed at you when you got no idea why they’re pissed at you. People seemingly not liking you at random so your mind conjures up all sorts of reason as to why they might not. You can’t see anything you have done that’s wrong and you lack the mental capacity or dexterity to pick apart what words you said might have caused others to be pissed at you. So you come up with wackier and wackier theories like racism, discrimination, etc. since those theories make far more sense than some words I might have said that was causing problem.
You’re going to have to ask for, and consider, some feedback on specific situations. This will be uncomfortable, but you will then learn what’s going on, the same as (as I said) you learn any other skill. Asperger’s people do not have learning difficulties. They just lack a functioning theory of mind (google it), or at least they lack an innate one. You can learn the skill that other people were born with, by the aforementioned application of time and effort.
I would also suggest not using the term “neurotypicals”. Nobody is “typical”. Everybody has some unique quirk or pattern of quirks that they have to work into their psyche.
I’d say that those other people also learned those very same skills. Not born with strategies. I’m in kindergarten now. Trust me. I’ve never seen so many kids look at pencil or crayons on the floor and not realize that they should pick them up and put them away. Learned.
The whole waaa “Neurotypicals” is leftover rant from a previous thread. You know, the one where TL was definitely for sure autistic, not Asperger’s like now.
Agreeing with people helps them to like you. It sounds fake and shallow, and it is, but most people are vain to varying degrees and enjoy flattery. Neurotypicals, at least.
To provide a concrete example: BiggusDickus posts a joke. Like it and then reply with something along the lines of “Please stop, BD, or I fear my sides may split!!!”. Bingo! BD likes you a bit more. Over time this cumulates. This works IRL as well.
Thanking people, as well. As a concrete example: Somebody offers advice you’ve requested but don’t like. Say “Thanks, that’s great!” even though you aren’t going to follow the advice. This works IRL as well as online.
I’m afraid I can’t comment on your questions, but I think I remember you saying elsewhere you teach guitar? Somebody else here said you like the banjo, so are you also a banjo teacher? I play the banjo and would love to continue to learn it when I go back to Taiwan, but I just assumed finding a banjo teacher out there would be a long shot.
I fix fretted instrument but I’m afraid I can’t really teach someone how to play a banjo. I can teach beginning guitar but my guitar playing skill is really basic. My skill is in repairing them, not playing.
