Long essay ahead (probably), more to help myself digest this news, guess I am not the only one breaking up of a long time relationship (and marriage). It feels awful.
I moved to Taiwan mid 2015 with my wife whom I met in Australia in 2010. She is Taiwanese, I am French.
I wasn’t a very regular poster here but still feel I need to write this somewhere to help me cope. This year, I flew to France which was supposed to be for a temporary stay, until I would move back to Taiwan in September.
2 days ago, my wife sent me an email to tell me she thought it would be better we both stay in our respective countries, and open a new chapter of our respective lives. The main issue was that she blamed me for not being independent in Taiwan, relying too much on her, not having friends, not being assimilated in the society. I can’t disagree with that. But she felt I wasn’t supporting our couple, she was always the one who had to deal with everything (moving in, moving out, dealing with issues with noisy neighbors, fixing air cons, etc.
My Chinese was shit, I started learning by myself with books in 2016 till 2018 then lost motivation because I felt I was hitting a ceiling. It didn’t help at all that my job for the whole time (2016 till now) is unrelated to Taiwan.
So I am working from home since 2016, clearly didn’t help to get assimilated to Taiwan.
We were living in Tainan, where my wife has no family so it was just the two of us. 2016 to 2019 was good because I felt I progressed with my Chinese, and without realizing in 2019 and especially 2020 became very lazy and very satisfied with our life.
From 2019, I earned 2000 euros a month, which was excellent for living in Tainan, that’s probably why I felt content with the situation and didn’t try planning ahead, learning new stuff, seeing further.
From 2020 my wife warned she wouldn’t deal with 2 or more years without me trying to be more independent and relying less on her.
In 2021 my salary got cut off to 1400 euros which felt bad and I started to worry.
On her side, she started to have more and more white hair, and last year had breathing issues, felt more and more anxious. She saw a doctor, and the doctor told her it was common for wives married to a foreigner to have this kind of symptoms. Then she had a tinnitus issue which troubled her to sleep. It reached a point where she felt too much pressure, blaming me for not supporting her.
February of this year, she told me to go back to France for a few months so we could temporarily make a stop in our relationship. It felt bad but I promised to get better and work again hard on my Chinese.
And then 2 days ago, she said by email she is feeling much better, and happy without me.
I feel shit. At 38 years old, I feel like I am still a kid, immature, and not compatible to live with a woman. My wife had a tough childhood, she went through hard time and is a more grown up person than me.
The other hard part is I won’t be in Taiwan ever again and I loved being in Taiwan, all the memories. I don’t like being in France much.
38 years old and back with my parents, sucks, but bright side is they are loving and always were.
I started following a course to be a French tutor while I would go back to Taiwan, it was the plan to make more change and be more autonomous in Taiwan. I am still in this online course, I guess I should keep up just to have a diploma, because you never know.
Was thinking, why not work in China as a French tutor which would be ironic since my whole family in law hates China to the core. Or another option, would be to find a legal job in the sports betting industry in Paris (I actually sent two resumes yesterday but I am not in Paris so it will be tough, though my bro lives there).
Congrats if you managed to read the whole thing
In March 2010 in Carnarvon (Western Australia), I entered into a supermarket and felt love at first sight when seeing this woman at the desk, filling up a job application. I rushed to buy food and when at the check out, she was still there filling up the form. Then she bought cigarettes. I decided to wait for her and talk to her. Never I did that in my whole life, my heart was pumping like crazy. And we got married in 2012.