Bye bye wife (2012-2022), bye bye Taiwan (2015-2022) - it feels awful Oki

Life Dating & Relationships
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Long essay ahead (probably), more to help myself digest this news, guess I am not the only one breaking up of a long time relationship (and marriage). It feels awful.

I moved to Taiwan mid 2015 with my wife whom I met in Australia in 2010. She is Taiwanese, I am French.

I wasn’t a very regular poster here but still feel I need to write this somewhere to help me cope. This year, I flew to France which was supposed to be for a temporary stay, until I would move back to Taiwan in September.

2 days ago, my wife sent me an email to tell me she thought it would be better we both stay in our respective countries, and open a new chapter of our respective lives. The main issue was that she blamed me for not being independent in Taiwan, relying too much on her, not having friends, not being assimilated in the society. I can’t disagree with that. But she felt I wasn’t supporting our couple, she was always the one who had to deal with everything (moving in, moving out, dealing with issues with noisy neighbors, fixing air cons, etc.

My Chinese was shit, I started learning by myself with books in 2016 till 2018 then lost motivation because I felt I was hitting a ceiling. It didn’t help at all that my job for the whole time (2016 till now) is unrelated to Taiwan.

So I am working from home since 2016, clearly didn’t help to get assimilated to Taiwan.

We were living in Tainan, where my wife has no family so it was just the two of us. 2016 to 2019 was good because I felt I progressed with my Chinese, and without realizing in 2019 and especially 2020 became very lazy and very satisfied with our life.

From 2019, I earned 2000 euros a month, which was excellent for living in Tainan, that’s probably why I felt content with the situation and didn’t try planning ahead, learning new stuff, seeing further.

From 2020 my wife warned she wouldn’t deal with 2 or more years without me trying to be more independent and relying less on her.

In 2021 my salary got cut off to 1400 euros which felt bad and I started to worry.

On her side, she started to have more and more white hair, and last year had breathing issues, felt more and more anxious. She saw a doctor, and the doctor told her it was common for wives married to a foreigner to have this kind of symptoms. Then she had a tinnitus issue which troubled her to sleep. It reached a point where she felt too much pressure, blaming me for not supporting her.

February of this year, she told me to go back to France for a few months so we could temporarily make a stop in our relationship. It felt bad but I promised to get better and work again hard on my Chinese.

And then 2 days ago, she said by email she is feeling much better, and happy without me.

I feel shit. At 38 years old, I feel like I am still a kid, immature, and not compatible to live with a woman. My wife had a tough childhood, she went through hard time and is a more grown up person than me.

The other hard part is I won’t be in Taiwan ever again and I loved being in Taiwan, all the memories. I don’t like being in France much.

38 years old and back with my parents, sucks, but bright side is they are loving and always were.

I started following a course to be a French tutor while I would go back to Taiwan, it was the plan to make more change and be more autonomous in Taiwan. I am still in this online course, I guess I should keep up just to have a diploma, because you never know.

Was thinking, why not work in China as a French tutor which would be ironic since my whole family in law hates China to the core. Or another option, would be to find a legal job in the sports betting industry in Paris (I actually sent two resumes yesterday but I am not in Paris so it will be tough, though my bro lives there).
Congrats if you managed to read the whole thing :slight_smile:

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In March 2010 in Carnarvon (Western Australia), I entered into a supermarket and felt love at first sight when seeing this woman at the desk, filling up a job application. I rushed to buy food and when at the check out, she was still there filling up the form. Then she bought cigarettes. I decided to wait for her and talk to her. Never I did that in my whole life, my heart was pumping like crazy. And we got married in 2012.

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Ok, that’s just hilarious.

Personally, I think your wife made the correct decision. I hope her health and general situation improves.

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That’s the most important thing yes, she is happy and her health is better.

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Sorry to hear about this. The part about it being common for women to feel that way when married to a foreigner is pretty BS. I think there are different (not necessarily more or less or better or worse. Just slightly different) challenges marrying someone from a different culture, but those issues happen in every marriage.

I don’t have great specific advice. Just wishing you well wishes.

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Sounds like a racist quack, but OK. :smirk:

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All the best for your future! I have been here for a long time already and wanted to add that I have seen the below issue happen more than once, I think it’s because many foreigners live a very disconnected life and don’t need to “benchmark” themselves versus peers like you would in your home country:

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:joy: it will never end. But some apologist will agree.

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People change. People lose interest. It’s easy when upset to start talking shit. Maybe she confided in a friend some difficulty in your relationship and her friend was happy to pile on. Of course I have no idea about your situation.

Very sorry you are feeling down. It will get better unless it doesn’t get better.

Maybe the only reason I am still in Taiwan is I have a daughter with my wife. I can only guess but if it wasn’t for the daughter we might have been splits a long time ago.

Money isn’t everything. Being happy and content is. I can make it on very little while the wife is quite the opposite. She however makes bank and her expenses require her to make bank. I don’t make bank and my expenses don’t require me to make bank.

Anyhow, life is short. Get on with it. Best of luck to all of us.

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That doctor’s an idiot.

There’s nothing stopping you from living in Taiwan if you want to.

You can keep this job if you want. Open a company, write your fapiaos pay your taxes and you’ll be golden.

@junoreactor BTW, how long have you been on this ARC?

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I’ll continue with this. People like others to follow their advice right? Maybe she has someone she thinks is just a friend but in reality they want her for much more. She thinks this is a friend so that friend talks you down and your girl soaks it up.

People are selfish. People are jealous. People are stupid. People are gullible.

Small problems are easy to deal with early such as a small leak in the roof. If you ignore the small things they get out of control. Before you know it the entire ceiling of the room falls in and now it’s all fcuked up. You can’t use that same material to fix the problem. You have to throw that shit out.

You might be a great person and you were not the problem. If it was love it was love. What was isn’t the same any more.

Just put it out of your mind. I know it’s hard. I’ve had numerous rodeos. Best to forget about it as quickly as possible.

You’ll be fine. It sucks but it will be fine.

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I don’t think it was about a friend, in 2021 we were barely going out (Covid) and she wasn’t seeing anybody, she isn’t the type to call friends much. We were working both from home, so together all the time.

She realized she didn’t feel love for me anymore I think.

Something I noticed last year is she forget about my birthday, I didn’t tell her, and one week later she realized and bought me something, she apologized but obviously these were some bad signs.

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ARC since 2015, but I don’t have a French tutor job right now, following the course to get the certification at the end of 2022.

I have the spouse visa, so it wouldn’t work if I go back, though we didn’t divorce but that would be illegal if we live in different places while still being married.

Need some time to think about all this.

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Very true. It is quite scary when reality kicks back.

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I don’t speak French but I’ll take your job if you want to give it up. Sounds fun, and being paid in Bitcoin is awesome.

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That is not illegal. As long as you are married, you can have residency through marriage ARC.
A marriage which is not working after 10 years is not a sham marriage and will not become one.

You can also not agree to a divorce until your APRC is completed. Sounds like your wife does not mind still being married as long as she is by herself.

Have a look if you can fulfill the requirements for APRC and come back on your current marriage ARC. When the application goes through, you can divorce. APRC has great benefits as it has open work permit. You can continue to work at your current job.

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How old is your spousal visa? Get your APRC if you can! It sounds like you meet the time requirements.

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Sorry to hear about your situation.
My wife never knows how old I am. Each birthday I’ll ask her (if she remembers it’s my birthday after a few hours in the morning) how old I am. She has this deer in the headlights look. Guesses wrong. Even as we are off by 10 years in age!
I’m fine with it.
I don’t forget hers, though. Hell hath no fury like a …

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Seriously though fuck that doctor.

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Pardon me, but are you sure you are French? Your English is impeccably “un-French”. :wink:

Paid in bitcoin? 2000 Euro, how does that work, with Bitcoin’s value changing like it is?

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Maybe that was the attraction to some extent?

I’m sorry to hear about this, but you’re home. Get some of mom’s food in you, have a chat with your pop. Move on. We’re made to get over hard stuff.

Take care.

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