The husband has been on my case for years, saying I don’t have the grace too accept compliments. No one before him said that, so I dismissed it as one of those spousal critiques. Last year a friend came to visit for 2 weeks and the 2 of them ganged up and tried to put some sense into my head.
I have been more aware since then, that, I am always shaking my head if someone compliments me, or I start a long wonded compliment about the other person and change the topic.
I think I grew up, thinking compliments were flattery. Maybe I grew up in a culture, where people who know you don’t say nice things to your face and people who don’t know you don’t say anything to you. I am serious. (no I am not blaming the parents).
Even in the written world, I respond to compliments with self deprecation. It has been better since last year, but do others do that too?? Why??
More importantly, has anyone ever overcome this? How?
I enjoy compliments, because they’re (in my case) so rare. I appreciate it if someone admires my music knowledge, cooking, bridge-playing ability or poker skills. I REALLY like it when 6’6", 120kg Canadians tell me that they are in awe of my drinking prowess. However, if someone tells me that my hair (singular) is looking good, or that my six-pack is anything less than a full case, I get suspicious. I know they just want a cheap shag or are after my Swiss bank account.
My father taught me to accept gifts and compliments with grace. And to assume that they are given with the best intentions.
So the onlooker has eyes. Meh. Who cares what other people think?
I was brought up in a family where compliments are fairly muted and one must deny any positive comments. I remember my grandfather saying; ‘Were you born stupid, or did you learn it from your mother?’
‘Bonny’ is the one I get from the aunties. Fairly double-edged. ‘Too smart for your own good’, and ‘needs taking down a peg or two’ are the main compliments I get from my family. Scots and northerners …
there’s this quote I’ll try to track down for you, which says that by hiding our light, we deny others permission to shine.
Yeah! Divea is THE BEST. She so ROCKS![/quote]
And you too, you handsome devil.[/quote]
And I wasn’t fishing for a return compliment. Just because I complimented you in no way obligates you to return the favor. A lot of people might feel obligated to come back and say something nice in return, but really it’s not neccessary. Honest.
I’ve never had trouble just answering with a ‘thanks’, or “why, thank you!”. But we are, largely, creatures of habit. So perhaps you could just consciously practice this until it just becomes a habit? I’ll start:
Why Divea, I must say, you are a MARVELOUS cook! [/quote]
Hey! Stop stealing my thunder. I started. And may I add, DB, that you are a veritable FOUNTAIN of knowledge!
Why Divea, I must say, you are a MARVELOUS cook! [/quote]
Hey! Stop stealing my thunder. I started. And may I add, DB, that you are a veritable FOUNTAIN of knowledge![/quote]
And he’s such a kind and generous person. I wish I had a tenth of his industriousness and work ethic.
I was once told that if someone compliments you on something you do, accept graciously, but if it’s something you have (eg nice car, cool shirt etc) then you should agree with them instead of saying thank you.
Mr. Presley, allow me to compliment you on your music knowledge, cooking, bridge-playing ability and poker skills, your attainment in which is as admirable as your attainment in Internet posting and whisky drinking.
Mr. Presley, allow me to compliment you on your music knowledge, cooking, bridge-playing ability and poker skills, your attainment in which is as admirable as your attainment in Internet posting and whisky drinking.[/quote]
Thank you, kind Sir. I’m a big fan of yours, too.
Greasing the wheels.[/quote]
A profound question, BC, and an excellent answer, Sandman. You lot are the BEST![/quote]
Damn presley, I was going to say that. You are such a compliment hog.
[quote=“Dr. McCoy”]
Damn presley, I was going to say that. You are such a compliment hog.[/quote]
No, good Doctor. Your patience and foresight forced you to stay your hand. An excellent judgment call!
[/quote]