Does internet making affairs happen more easily ?
I recently found the man i am seeing now is actually having cyber affair (of course they eventually will go out for a REAL affair), and my ex-boss keeps trying to convince me to have affair with him thru the MSN.
I’m wondering … people speak more wild on the internet (MSN, ICQ or mails, etc…) and does it make the relationship weaker or stronger ?
And also, does it has anything to do with the culture ?
If you are MSNing with someone and hiding it from your significant other, is that cheating?
I think cheating is different from affair, isn’t it ?
And yes, i think that count a cheating. But i’m not saying that’s right or wrong, and usually people hide themselves from what they really are due to low self-esteem.
What i was trying to say is intimacy can develop so quickly online and people suddenly get themselves involved without realize it, and the point is, they are with someone else already.
“relationship experts agree that any intimate activity between two people that breaches the trust of a partner is. And that most certainly includes online relationships” …copied from BBC report.
My point is, before, if your partner is home, you know that he is not with someone else, but now, even if they’re sitting next to you, they can still have an affair with someone else thru internet. That’s what i found from the man i am seeing, and what worse is, that’s also how we start our relationship.
Why would that be cheating? Talking to people is not cheating, if it was the case, I have cheated over 200 times in the last week!
Tpy: I think your jumping the gun a little bit, what proof do you have that he is having an affair? Just talking to someone? Do you have records of the convo where they profess their love for one another? How are you sooo sure they will have an affair on the outside? Or are you just assume they will? Remember what they say when you “ass u me”…
I thought this topic would be a popular one. Maybe Forumosans are more faithful than I thought.
My rule of thumb has always been: if I am doing/saying something to a woman who is not my wife something that I wouldn’t do or say in front of my wife (ie, hiding my actions from my wife) then I am cheating.
Call me old fashioned, but improper speech/actions towards a woman who is not my wife is cheating in my books. That includes cyber relationships/sex.
I must add, however, that this is due to the agreement I made with my wife at the time of our marriage. If a couple has a different agreement, then of course the rules change. Some couples are more open to exloring love/sex outside the marriage than we are. So be it.
[quote=“FearsomeOrange”]My rule of thumb has always been: if I am doing/saying something to a woman who is not my wife something that I wouldn’t do or say in front of my wife (ie, hiding my actions from my wife) then I am cheating.
Call me old fashioned, but improper speech/actions towards a woman who is not my wife is cheating in my books. That includes cyber relationships/sex.
I must add, however, that this is due to the agreement I made with my wife at the time of our marriage. If a couple has a different agreement, then of course the rules change. Some couples are more open to exloring love/sex outside the marriage than we are. So be it.[/quote]
:bravo: :bravo: :bravo:
It should never be more complicated than this.
Right. As long as you explore love and sex outside of the relationship TOGETHER it is OK.
[quote=“FearsomeOrange”]My rule of thumb has always been: if I am doing/saying something to a woman who is not my wife something that I wouldn’t do or say in front of my wife (ie, hiding my actions from my wife) then I am cheating.
Call me old fashioned, but improper speech/actions towards a woman who is not my wife is cheating in my books. That includes cyber relationships/sex.
I must add, however, that this is due to the agreement I made with my wife at the time of our marriage. If a couple has a different agreement, then of course the rules change. Some couples are more open to exloring love/sex outside the marriage than we are. So be it.[/quote]
My husband needs friends like you. 
[quote=“braxtonhicks”]
My husband needs friends like you. [/quote]
what’s his MSN?
I think if you are mentally having sex with someone through the internet, then if it doesn’t constitute as cheating, it is certainly a sign of some kind of communication problems in your relationship.
Monogamy is not natural to homo sapiens, or most other mammals. “Cheating” in some form or the other is inevitable. The best you can do is channel those natural adulterous urges in harmless directions, so that you don’t end up actually have a real physical affair in real life. Cybersex over the internet to blow off sexual steam is one way to do it. I approve. People in committed relationships should have more cyberaffairs for this very reason. You’re so busy having phone sex, cybersex that you don’t have time for the real sex.
A healthy fantasy life is normal for anyone with a regular sex drive. Is it “cheating” to look at pornography? To masturbate while fantasizing about some person other than your current partner? To let your eyes admire the hotties walking down the street? To develop an obsessive lust after a hot celebrity you see in the TV/movies? To read romance novels (women’s pornography)? To compare your current lover with your ex-boy/girlfriends?
The difference between cybersex (and phone sex) and all the other forms you mentioned is that cybersex involves interacting with someone other than your SO. The others involve passive fantasizing.
:s
This somehow doesn’t make sense to me.
I found my miss in a penpal site. I’m still in middle Europe but allready going to Taiwan for the branch office of my company.
I think that for some girls, cyberaffairs are easier because they can be at home dating without her parents kicking her butt…
:s
This somehow doesn’t make sense to me.[/quote]
It’s one thing to fantasize in your mind. It’s another to fantasize with a person who is not your SO.
It kind of relates to the “would you tell your spouse if you were planning to cheat?” thread. It’s one thing to think about doing it to yourself. It’s another to talk about doing it with someone else.
[quote=“ImaniOU”]It’s one thing to fantasize in your mind. It’s another to fantasize with a person who is not your SO.
It kind of relates to the “would you tell your spouse if you were planning to cheat?” thread. It’s one thing to think about doing it to yourself. It’s another to talk about doing it with someone else.[/quote]
Fantasy is fantasy. Until you actually do something “nothing” has happened.
I meant that reading a romance novel is the same as any of the above. Also “passive fantasy” didn’t make any sense to me. Seems like a fantasy would always have to be active.
I think the question is whether your SO will feel cheated on or not.
You may think you’re just blowing off steam, but if she found out you were having a cyber affair, or even randomly going to chat rooms with a different girl each night (or morning) would your “just blowing off steam” cut it for her?
Are you hiding anything? If you are, why?
I have MSN friends. I’ve had girls come on to me on the Net. I’ve told my SO about this and she’s disapproved of my chatting with other girls, but so long as I’m not dating them online and let her know when someone crosses the line (I’ve had to drop a number of contacts because they were insisting on more than friendship) she won’t feel cheated.
Openess and honesty.
And I do believe a cyber relationship has a good chance of becoming a real one.
I concur. And wouldn’t it be better to blow off steam by just having some good old loving with your SO. The question then is, “Is there something wrong with your current relationship that you need to seek other avenues of release?” If so, then cut it off and find something that will make you happier. Unless that is to say, that you don’t have an agreement in this regard or an “open relationship”. I once worked with a guy who had this type of relationship with his wife and they were probably the happiest married couple I ever saw. It takes all kinds I guess…
I am Portuguese, live in Luxembourg (that makes 2000 Km away from my town) and have a Taiwanese girlfriend. We met as penpals and guess we clicked in the third time we talked online. When she send me her photo my heart stopped…please, CPR…
Anyway, we started dating some weeks after and now I’m moving to Taiwan part because of her, part because my boss is a nice guy and want’s to see me happy (of course that wanting to open a branch in Taipei and not trusting chinese people helped).
So I’ll meet her for the first time in June (Computex) and I’ll stay there for a week in vacation (it is also my birthday, so I get a 2 in 1).
If we are going to click the way we click in the web, only god knows… but anyway, we have to think that we can overcome whatever comes.