That’s very young in Taiwan. Very young.
[quote=“jdsmith”]
OR, not meaning to bash a woman I’ve never met, she’s trying everything to get you here because she loves you! [/quote]
JD,
its ok, dont worry about the bashing…I appreciate the concern and the advice. Im an optomistic guy…sometimes to my folly…but one thing she doesnt have trouble saying anymore is “I love you”. I was the first to say it, because I really felt it…and it took her a while to recipocate (spelling?) but when she was ready she did, and now she says it a lot…and i feel sincerity there too…the other night she cried a little bit on the phone because she said she missed me…and its not in her personlity to do that much…she is pretty self sufficent and independent. As far as the consumating thing goes…lets just say September was the best time of my life! We were having so much fun I thought I would die of a heart attack…but im not one to really kiss and tell 
derek,
How old are you?
Could this be in your future?
[quote=“Tigerman”]derek,
How old are you?[/quote]
dereck1978 > I would guess 27 ?
Tianan Cowboy:
Thanks for cheering me up…I was Rolling on the floor laughing to tears when i saw your post! Hilarious!!! 
Tigerman…my name says it all: born 1978…will be 28 this April 5th.
I try not to assume… so you’re 27. That’s young. Too young to be pressured in to any situation that you may be uncomfortable with… too young to be foregoing your original goals.
She’s quackers :loco:
27?..I got underwear older than that.
They’re not mine and I don’t remember why I saved them.
But I’m pretty sure I had a reason. 
A compromise situation on your part would be coming here earlier than planned, but don’t go live on the farm in nowhereville southern Taiwan. You will be isolated, culture shocked, lonely, unfulfilled and bitter. Perhaps you could live/work/study in nearby Gaoxiong and visit often. You seem like a goal oriented person and had things well planned out. Does her suggestion that you drop everything and live on a farm in a country you’ve never lived, surrounded by people whose language and culture you don’t understand sound like good thing for you to do right now?
In all seriousness though guys and gals…
Her family had a fish farm in Kaohsiung. I went there for mid autumn festival last september. Had a blast with the family…even cleaned fish with the grandmother. I can really see myself being a part of their family and being happy.
Her grandmother isnt really “ill” in the sense that she is dying, rather her son (my gf’s uncle) just died of pretty bad cancer. Now her grandmother is in a state of grieving / mourning and wont eat and is making herself sick almost to the point of being suicidal. Jocelyn (my GF) has a very close relationship with her and feels the strong need to go down there and be with her.
Now her family’s fish farm has “dried up” (excuse the pun) and they are trying a new venue of raising ducks. She said that they could use my help very much and that the university route is not necesarry…if we marry, no need for visa/work permit.
I just cant help but to see red flags…
Thanks for the well intentioned humor though, it felt good to laugh a little.
[quote=“Durins Bane”]The worst thing a person could ever to to him/herself is to piss away their life plan to chase “love”.
[/quote]
He’s 27 years old. The worst he could do is be afraid of making a mistake that may cost him a year or two of his life. As for pissing away time for love, are you trying to save him from mistakes you have made, or do you really think this is sound advice for a young man to follow?
Look, if the sitaution was reversed how many of you would expect your financee to support you in this endeavor? Would you appreciate having your motives questioned? I had an American friend who had to return to the States to take care of his granny and run the apple orchard. Of course his wife went with him and she never complained to me that she was being tricked into being cheap labor. She wasn’t 100% thrilled about the idea, but she did it for love of her husband.
Let’s face it, if you, Derek, believe it is a trick then you might as well break up. Nothing she will ever do is going to bring back your trust. If you believe that she is always going to put her family first then break up.
But, if you beleive that she is doing the right thing by helping her family in a time of need (and she is) then trust her but make sure your points are made clear. And like Maoman said, get a timeframe. If it’s temporary, a year say, then what would you have lost giving it a try? You’re 27. You can affford to lose a year or two.
That said, do not rush off to marry her even if you decide to go. 24 is really young for a Taiwanese girl, though the fact she lives on her own probably makes her a little more mature than others.
As for her reluctance to talk about problems, that is all too common here. You’ve been brainwashed by western feminists to think that all women love to talk and all men are taciturn. Not true, and the average Taiwanese women is less communicative than a cowboy.
…[i]yep[/i]…
[quote=“derek1978”]In all seriousness though guys and gals…
Her family had a fish farm in Kaohsiung. I went there for mid autumn festival last september. Had a blast with the family…even cleaned fish with the grandmother. I can really see myself being a part of their family and being happy.
Her grandmother isnt really “ill” in the sense that she is dying, rather her son (my gf’s uncle) just died of pretty bad cancer. Now her grandmother is in a state of grieving / mourning and wont eat and is making herself sick almost to the point of being suicidal. Jocelyn (my GF) has a very close relationship with her and feels the strong need to go down there and be with her.
Now her family’s fish farm has “dried up” (excuse the pun) and they are trying a new venue of raising ducks. She said that they could use my help very much and that the university route is not necesarry…if we marry, no need for visa/work permit.
I just can’t help but to see red flags…
[/quote]
What exactly are the red flags? I see a bit of desperation and lack of clear thinking on your girlfriend’s part.
Am I the only one who is looking at this from her perspective? Maybe becasue I just went through helping my family after my mom got breast cancer. I know what it’s like to want to help.
The marrying quickly is a bad idea and you need to be clear about this. You want to marry when the time is right not for a visa. You need to be the clearheaded one right now. But I’d forget about the red flags. If you feel them it means you don’t trust her, in which case you should end the relationship.
[quote=“Muzha Man”]
That said, do not rush off to marry her even if you decide to go. 24 is really young for a Taiwanese girl, though the fact she lives on her own probably makes her a little more mature than others.
As for her reluctance to talk about problems, that is all too common here. You’ve been brainwashed by western feminists to think that all women love to talk and all men are taciturn. Not true, and the average Taiwanese women is less communicative than a cowboy.[/quote]
I kind of caught on to that (about reluctance to talk about problems). Its ok, im a patient person and I understand the cultural differences. I dated a Japanese girl for 2 years when I lived in Japan and it was the complete opposite…she wore her emotions on her sleeve. I really dont see it as 100% a cultural thing though…there are exceptions. In this instance, Jocelyn isnt like what I have been reading about so many others her age. I guess I can consider myself lucky in that regard.
You guys are all helping me out so much…shedding different lights on this…I appreciate it, glad to know that when I arrive I will be amongstgood company…even if I do end up on a duck farm in the middle of nowhere. On a side note…One good thing about the location: It is closer to Kenting! WOOHOO! Gorgeous Place.
Then again, it could be more than that. Who knows?
Derek isn’t married yet. He’s only been with the gal about one year.
I don’t see Derek being suspicious of a trick. The gal is pretty up-front, it seems.
I think he is simply wondering about things, as the current twist is fairly dramatic.
I’m sure Derek knows his girl better than any of us do.
to all:
Im not suspicious of her trying to go after my money (Im not exactly rich by any means and she knows this) And I am not suspicious about her trying to “use” me for any kind of citizenship advantage.
In all actuality her family has been so kind to me. I’m beginning to think that what I experienced last September was a sort of phenomenom (spelling? see, I would be a horrible english teacher) from all the posts I have been reading about trouble with the inlaws. Last september, we took a trip, just the two of us, to Kenting for a 3 day weekend. It was so much fun! I was stupid and burned like crazy…so much I had to go to the WangFan Hospital and ended up wraped like a mummy. Her mother drove up from Kaohsiung, when she heard what happened, to deliver some home made remedies. Jocelyn took care of me for a week while I was pretty much bed ridden. (Yes the burns were that bad…i was really really stupid for not wearing sunscreen, didnt anticipate the sun being that hot.)
Anyways, its just an example of how much trust there really is in our relationship. And that is just one example. The only “red flag” would be getting married so fast and comitting to moving in with her family so soon. I really want more time for our relationship, and selves, to mature more before we take the big step to marraige. I am comfortable with where we are at now (aside from the distance) and was looking forward to spending time with her in Taipei…plus I really did want to study Mandarin…any good schools in kaoshiung?
That’s very young in Taiwan. Very young.[/quote]
And here I was afraid that we’d be left explaining that 34 is very young in Taiwan. 
TLI has a language school in Kaohsiung:
tli.com.tw/tli/eng/en/1-1.asp
They also have a branch in Taipei so if you wanted to switch programs later you would still be using the same material. Schools and classes tend to be much of a muchness here.
Good to hear that the only red flags are about getting married so fast. Sounds like you have a good chance of making this work somehow.
That’s the feeling I get too but maybe a couple of years down the road…