That’s the feeling I get too but maybe a couple of years down the road…[/quote]
Well, they do have to keep it going between now and then. 
Thanks everyone for your opinions/advice/and humor.
Forumoseans have proven to be a great source of advice and information. 
I will keep this updated on what happens. Time to sleep now…sleep its a good thing, really it is…
P.S…
Taiwanese women dont really turn into evil, crazy, whip cracking, money hungry monsters after marraige, do they? A lot of these posts about post-marraige relationships are down right scarey…anyone actually marry a taiwanese woman and not get a divorce and happy? Anyone? 
[quote=“derek1978”]Thanks everyone for your opinions/advice/and humor.
Forumoseans have proven to be a great source of advice and information.
I will keep this updated on what happens. Time to sleep now…sleep its a good thing, really it is…
P.S…
Taiwanese women dont really turn into evil, crazy, whip cracking, money hungry monsters after marraige, do they? A lot of these posts about post-marraige relationships are down right scarey…anyone actually marry a Taiwanese woman and not get a divorce and happy? Anyone? [/quote]
Don’t forget that 50% of marriages fail no matter where you are.
people don’t change after marriage. They either grow or regress. Their best traits either flower or their worst come to light.
As for cracking the whip, only if you let them. Seriously. Maintain your self-respect, and your respect of your partner, and maintain your values (don’t get into the habit of losing them because you are in a foreign country) and you will be fine. Partners learn to accept what they other will not comprimise on.
Aw geez Mucha man, just when I’d written you of as a total prick, here you are launching post after post of good solid advice to a stranger. (Kidding . . .it’s crap advice . . I mean, no!! Good advice, I never really thought you were a prick!).
Derek, don’t be too spooked by the blokey talk about in-laws and she-devils (or psycho-xiaojies as they’re known locally), the bitchin’ in here is mostly from blokes that are quite chuffed with their lot. Forumosa is both a steam valve and an avenue of comic reflief for many. Because so many are in the same boat, the dark humour is shared and understood for what it is.
HG
word
[quote=“Muzha Man”][quote=“Durins Bane”]The worst thing a person could ever to to him/herself is to piss away their life plan to chase “love”.
[/quote]
He’s 27 years old. The worst he could do is be afraid of making a mistake that may cost him a year or two of his life. As for pissing away time for love, are you trying to save him from mistakes you have made, or do you really think this is sound advice for a young man to follow?
[/quote]
No, I didn’t make those mistakes. That advice was given to me a long time ago and it helped me avoid these very same issues we are talking about now. AND I do think it is sound advice especially for a young man.
I heard nothing that the OP’s girlfriend was ready to compromise. What I saw was a list of “wants/demands” that did not take into consideration to his own “needs/wants”.
Then again, we all make our own decisions and must live by them.
[quote=“Muzha Man”]TLI has a language school in Kaohsiung:
tli.com.tw/tli/eng/en/1-1.asp
[/quote]
Going to TLI in Kaohsiung is the same as flushing your money down the toilet.
If you move to Kaohsiung then I would look at the Mandarin program at the university here. There was also a Mandarin program at Chun Da University in Tainan. I used to take the train to Tainan to attend the program ages ago. Don’t know for sure if it is still being offered.
You will get a better education and have a more impressive piece of paper that reflects it.
It sounds like you quite enjoyed the fish farming adventure last time and this could either be a great opportunity or personal hell. You’d planned to come to Taiwan anyway so it’s hardly like you’ll be wasting a year of your life if it doesn’t pan out.
If you want to play it the Taiwanese way instead of saying outright that you don’t want to drop everything and come hither, you can say that you wouldn’t be able to work legally on a duck farm and you don’t want to jeopardise your future together in Taiwan by getting deported. However, you will compromise by coming to help out at the farm BUT not until May and ONLY on a student visa through a school down there. If she can’t accept this as a compromise that is still borne mainly on your shoulders then only then would I start to get worried.
Just because this is a cross-cultural relationship doesn’t mean that it’s your job to make all the allowances; if she can at least see and appreciate the risks you are taking to be with her then she’s a keeper.
In all seriousness, if a Taiwanese girl asked me to come and join her family to work at their duck farm I would sell everything and get on the next Aloha bus down there. I would love to do something like this were it not for the working restrictions. Then again, that’s just me - I always did have a thing for ducks.
[quote=“derek1978”]My GF wants me to ditch any ideas I had about going to NTNU to study Mandarin in May, leave the US NOW and come ASAP! :s I was puzzled at her haste and asked what was going on. She says she wants to get out of Taipei and back down to Kaohsiung so she can help take care of her ailing grandmother.
[/quote]
Happily married for 16 years.
Derek,
this all sounds quite bizarre I have to say. Why does the family need YOU to do work on a duckfarm. Are there no uncles, cousins, brothers-in-law whatever to take on the job? Will you be paid, or are you seen as cheap labor who gets a bed and three meals a day? What will come after the duckfarm, or is the plan that you will take it over and become a duckfarm laoban?
I think it is ridiculous to say you won’t need to take Chinese classes at a university since you will be living with the family in an “Chinese-immersion-environment”. This is the south, so most likely the family will speak Taiwanese among themselves. All you could pick up would be some rudimentary street-chinese with a heavy southern accent.
If you are serious about chinese and maybe even want to use it for a career later, you won’t want to sound like a country potatoe from the backwoods of taiwan everytime you open your mouth.
Well, in any case, take your time to think about this and don’t rush it.
My first thought was: Forget about the whole plan.
…but, you can modify your plan, and hope she will as well.
I agree with the poster who suggested that you stick to your original time table, but change study place from Taipei to Kaoshiung, and offer to help out at the duck-farm on your leisure time.
Then, you will have time together and apart, and learn to know each other better. Marriage or not will then be a natural consequence, not something forced/rushed.
Oh, married for 12 years, and still happy.
[quote=“X3M”]My first thought was: Forget about the whole plan.
…but, you can modify your plan, and hope she will as well.
I agree with the poster who suggested that you stick to your original time table, but change study place from Taipei to Kaoshiung (Gaoxiong), and offer to help out at the duck-farm on your leisure time.
Then, you will have time together and apart, and learn to know each other better. Marriage or not will then be a natural consequence, not something forced/rushed.[/quote]
My first thought is run away…run away quickly…now.
But, you guys between you have come up with a plan. Maybe there is a chance.
Derek mentioned some ways back that she clams up. That won’t help anyone.
[quote=“X3M”]I agree with the poster who suggested that you stick to your original time table, but change study place from Taipei to Kaoshiung (Gaoxiong), and offer to help out at the duck-farm on your leisure time.
[/quote]
That sounds to me like a pretty good compromise – but perhaps coming over here a wee bit earlier as another major concession to her wishes.
If her clamming up makes it hard to thrash things out in discussion on the phone, you should explain your position in very clear and simple English by e-mail. Then she’ll be able to take her time to read and digest your point of view and frame her response appropriately (don’t underestimate how hard it must be for her to use English to express things as she would wish to on the telephone).
Of course, it’s likely that all the ducks will have to be slaughtered and the duck farm closed down when the avian flu pandemic starts raging in a couple or so months from now, and then you won’t have to worry about it any more. Just don’t forget to bring the Tamiflu if you come over before that happens.
Yeah, whatever Omni-ever-sober-poster says!
HG
Pick one of her relatives that everyone likes, but who doesn’t speak a lick of English, and then propose that she think about what it would be like if “Uncle George” was suddenly dropped down in a small town in the US to work on a farm. How much English would Uncle George learn? Does she think that would be good for Uncle George’s future career and development in the US? Maybe giving them something they can really relate to might help her to understand that if you want your marriage to work, being able to speak good Mandarin and/or Taiwanese will be very important if she wants to live in Taiwan. Sure there are people who get by for years speaking zero or almost zero Chinese and doing everything through their spouses – but do you want to be a spectator all your life, unable to get a job or take care of your own necessities without assistance with the language? I doubt all of her family speak English fluently, and you will never be able to get past the “smile…smile…” stage if you don’t learn their language(s). You might remind GF too that she has had many years of English in school, even before going to the US, but in the US students do not begin studying Chinese at age 5 in a buxiban, so you are at a big disadvantage.
I had the experience of having a non-native-speaking husband come to the US and refuse to improve his English – before that we had been in Taiwan where his Chinese was crap – and I had to do everything for him. He came to expect immediate language service and for me to drop everything and take care of whatever errand or thing he needed done, despite the fact that I was at work or whatever. His world was much smaller than mine in Taiwan and in the US because of his poor language skills (this despite the fact that I offered to support him for 6 months in the States so he could do intensive English) and in the end this was a major problem. Although the fact that he married me primarily to weasel a green card likely had a lot to do with it, too. 
Language is crucial if you’re going to be a full person in Taiwan. Take the courses in Kaohsiung, help out on weekends, whatever, but emphasize that a) you will always help them financially or otherwise when they need it, and b) investing in your future now is a wise move that will ensure that you can continue to help them effectively in the future.
Tell you what:
I’ll work on the duck farm for you. I have about 7 more months of my tour of duty left, and I’d rather lose a testicle than teach English.
[quote=“plotch”]Tell you what:
I’ll work on the duck farm for you. I have about 7 more months of my tour of duty left, and I’d rather lose a testicle than teach English.[/quote]
I understand you’d also have to marry his girlfriend to get the work permit. 
Already married to a Kaohsiung local… sorted, mate.
One thing I would like to know is has the family actually asked derek to come work for them. I seriously doubt they have. I suspect that his girlfriend has come up with this plan on her own in her despair over the situation with granny. I bet if she actually proposed it to the family they would not be comfortable with it at all.
Omni’s advice about emails is good. Even now, my wife asks me sometimes to send emails to her to broach serious topics (and we live together!). Many people’s minds just shut down when they are talking and cannot absorb multiple points. Your best bet is to have her read your points since I assume there is more than one.