I’m sure we’re all familiar with couples where the guy is dominant, but what about those ‘equal’ relationships where both partners appear to respect and value each other?
I was talking to a friend recently and she said something that set me thinking. “I’m tired of being strong,” she said. “Everybody tells me how great it is that I’m so independent and successful, but sometimes I just want someone else to decide things for me.”
She didn’t need anybody to look after her, she doesn’t want to be dominated, but her idea of a perfect relationship is one with a strong guy who will take responsibility for most of the decisions and take the lead in bed. She’s someone that has strong opinions, and I can see her insisting on getting her own way over important issues, but by and large she would rather just follow.
I don’t think she’s unnusual in this. In fact I’m pretty sure that she’s fairly representative of the female of the species in this. Given trust, respect, etc, I think most women will generally prefer to be led.
It’s going to depend on the cultural background of the women in question. I find local women do want men who are decisive, initiate and lead. I wouldn’t use the words dominant or passive to describe the dynamic, though.
Yes I agree. That summarizes most women and I’d say a fair chunk of the others are in denial.
BTW Erhu, your sig. gave me a laugh because of the term ‘Murkin’ which is shorthand for American. Murkin is pronounced exactly the same as a 'Merkin", otherwise known as a pubic wig. :help:
So effectively your signature looks like “I’m a pubic wig, I don’t understand irony.” Which is rather ironic in itself given than most people are looking to shave down there rather than using pubic wig!
I don’t think it depends on the culture. I think it’s biological - but leading and dominating are different things.
There are plenty of cultures where women may expect to be dominated by men, but expecting is not wanting either.
Even where the woman is respected and treated as an equal, not dominated, she still wants to be led. That’s different from letting the man decide what her opinions are, thank you Erhu.
What I mean is “my opinion is X and I know you respect that, and I trust you to reach a decision that I’ll be happy with so why don’t you just go ahead and choose?” That’s different from “you know best” or “you’re the boss.” I guess it boils down to wanting to be taken care of, not bullied. She wants to be able to relax and know that her man will take care of stuff, unless of course she disagrees with him…
I didn’t say I wanted a man to decide what my opinions are, I said I wanted a strong man to post my opinions for me. There’s a big difference, so thank EWE, Loretta.
Typing is a strenuous activity. I’ve got the brains. I need a man with brawn.
[quote=“Loretta”]I don’t think it depends on the culture. I think it’s biological - but leading and dominating are different things.
[/quote]
I don’t think it’s biological, or if it’s biological, it would be a person’s need to find someone they can rely on, emotionally or otherwise. Culture in general encourages women to let the man lead regardless of whether the culture is eastern or western. Apart from some martiarchical cultures.
Men are discouraged from relying on other people, from being “weak”. But some men want to be led too, and many are.
I think you’re exactly right. We want someone who is trained to do our bidding for us, yet will make decisions the way we want them if need be. But wait, who doesnt?
In my experience it does. It’s one of the things that I find are different when contrasting relationships with westerners and those with Asians. The roles played out are different. I find often my liberal western upbringing clashes somewhat with my gf’s expectation of how a man should behave.
Good question. I found it bizarre to come to Taiwan and find a lesbian community where you have to identify with a male or female role. Girls would come up to me in clubs and ask, very bluntly, ’ are you T or P’. T means tomboy (the guy) and P means wife (submissive)
If you say that you don’t care people stare at you like you’re nuts. When I had shaved hair all these girly Hello Kitty dolls would be interested in me, and when I grew my hair, the short haired girls were more into me.
Being with a P looks like hell to me. They stumble over their own feet, giggle and hide behind their friends, make pouty faces and puff up their cheeks when they don’t understand what you are saying. The T’s open doors for you, buy you drinks and basically overdo anything they think a guy would do.
So odd to find this in a society where it is so cool to not have that domination struggle.
I knew about stone butches back home that are like the Ts here, but have never encountered it!
so I guess, even when youre playing for the same team, some people prefer to be led.
Good question. I found it bizarre to come to Taiwan and find a lesbian community where you have to identify with a male or female role. Girls would come up to me in clubs and ask, very bluntly, ’ are you T or P’. T means tomboy (the guy) and P means wife (submissive)
If you say that you don’t care people stare at you like you’re nuts. When I had shaved hair all these girly Hello Kitty dolls would be interested in me, and when I grew my hair, the short haired girls were more into me.
Being with a P looks like hell to me. They stumble over their own feet, giggle and hide behind their friends, make pouty faces and puff up their cheeks when they don’t understand what you are saying. The T’s open doors for you, buy you drinks and basically overdo anything they think a guy would do.
So odd to find this in a society where it is so cool to not have that domination struggle.
I knew about stone butches back home that are like the Ts here, but have never encountered it!
so I guess, even when youre playing for the same team, some people prefer to be led.[/quote]
One of those rare posts where you learn something other than that the OP is an ass. Huzzah for your post!
Otherwise, it seems to me that what the OP is saying women really don’t care where they’re going or are too lazy to put in the effort to make sure they do go where they want to go.
When it comes to insignificant things, most people are willing to accept whatever decision is made within limits–men and women. Point in case, today I had lunch with a friend. He brought the food, I brought the drinks. Before meeting, I called him to ask him what he wanted to drink. He didn’t care as long as it wasn’t soda or cranberry juice. He just wanted me to pick something that would go with the meal we’d planned. Sure, he could have told me that he wanted orange juice or tea, but he was thinking about other things and didn’t feel like examining his drink preferences at the time.
Should I now ask everyone if this is a male thing? Do men generally prefer women to decide all their food and drink choices for them? Is this evidence of men’s subconscious desire, possibly a result of their genetic programming, to have women nourish them and be responsible for their general physical well-being?
