[quote=“housecat”]
This morning, he brought me grapes and dry instant noodles–his best non-cooking idea of breakfast in bed! Just 'cause he loves me. l love my kid![/quote]
This really touched me. My boy is 7 too. He knows you’re going through a hard time and is doing his best to help.
I went through some tough times too with my two older boys. Your kids are your anchor and will trust you and love you no matter what.
It’s hard but stay strong.
I would really advise against make any big moves like getting a restraining order against the family members if you can avoid it. Since the family sounds kind of crazy, they might just see that as an act of escalation and proceed to cause even more trouble for you.
Take the Taiwanese approach: ignore the problem until it goes away by itself. If not…deal with it then.
But make sure you know where your son is at all times and give his school/anqingban specific instructions not to let anyone else but you pick him up. Maybe even written instructions. I.E. This is my cell phone number, do not let anyone pick my son up without calling this number to confirm first, no matter what they say, or I will hold the school legally responsible.
[quote=“divea”]huh? I said it with my heart, that if a pattern repeats…well…[/quote]You referred to this pattern as one calamity after another, divea. It’s too stern, and there are other ways to look at it.
hc divorced a man who turned out to be a deadbeat. This left her with having to raise her son by herself. She lost the financial support from the father of her child. These things happen, and it can be very difficult when the father brings home the largest portion of the family revenue. She consequently made a very brave decision to go back to school while caring for her son single handedly. The options for studying in Taiwan are limited so she went home and successfully put herself through school. This is an achievement. It’s not a calamity.
She rose above adversity and she did what she had to do to ensure that she will be capable of caring for her son in the long term. I have nothing but respect for that.
This is not true.
Inappropriate lawsuits, the lack of appropriate lawsuits, hate crimes and plain old bullying are all fine examples of one-sided stories.
I’d just like to put in a few words in support of divea. There’s no need to shoot the messenger. She has pointed out a fact, Housecat’s problems with family members here and in the US.
There are times when you read about a poster’s problems on forumosa and you feel sorry for them. Then, as you read more of their posts you see that they have a long history of the same problems reoccurring. And then you start to wonder. I’m thinking of chaps like PG Daddy (the Brit with the custody troubles x 2 etc.).
However, I think that Housecat has probably just been unlucky. Been reading her posts for years and I’ve never had any bad vibes. In fact, I would say that despite the dubious spelling and her serial history of avatars featuring hairless gay men, she’s one of the nicest posters.
housecat, keep the faith. I actually know more single parents than cohabiting parents… a different world than the 20th century. I grew up seeing relatives once a year for two weeks during summer vacation until I was 13, then no visits (because of distance) thereafter. The teachers in your son’s school are stronger, better influences than your relatives will ever be (based on what you’ve ((or how you’re … call the pun police)) related). Let your son shape the Taiwanese portion of his identity from good, local influences, just as he shapes the American portion of his identity from you (and not from your relatives in AR).
Housecat - chin up!
Keep distance to them and bring up your son in peace. If they try anything funny, then well, the son is yours and you are the final arbiter of who he gets to see.
It is your duty as a parent to shield him from bad influences, that would include relatives of the sort you describe here. Once he grows up - if he wants a relationship to them fine, do not stand in his way, however for the time being I would cut the connection at least until they realize that you are the final arbiter of your son’s wellbeing and who he gets to see.
Also, there might be something good by toning down the contact as much as possible. They are certain to try and brainwas him as much as possible, and that would likely backfire rather badly on them in the long term. I would however try and keep that pressure off your son, who has enough to deal with as it already is.
Thanks, guys, for the love and Respect.
It’s generally true that my life is on these boards. The last seven years or so, anyway. But my American family life, for the most, part is not. I don’t talk about it much at all. It has nothing to do with anything and stems from choices my mother made long ago–when I was a small child. And the fact is that there just are not a lot of people in my family in the first place. That’s it. No mysterious calamites, and none of anyone’s business besides.
But it does factor into why I made the choice to try to let my son be involved with his Taiwanese relies. And this situation is all the more heartbreaking to me for that reason. But we were complete when we were just two in the States. We’re still complete.
And, Almas, that is not how you spell doobies.
How does the boy feel about this? Does he enjoy his weekends with the auntie? Does he want to go?
It is not the lads choice to decide. All kids may like to be spoilt rotten by relatives. Doesn’t make it right nor does it mean Housecat should let him go visit his Aunti even if he wants to. He’s not old enough to understand why my mother refuses to let him go just anytime his Aunt feels like taking her son.
Peace of mind for housecat first. Then maybe her housekitten can be let out with the rellies.
It is not the lads choice to decide. [/quote]I never said it was.
Perhaps her peace of mind comes with knowing that her son’s feelings aren’t ignored just because he’s “too young.” 
We as parents will often make choices on behalf of our kids, choices they may not agree with now, but which they might see the sense of once they grow up.
That’s parenting in a nutshell actually.
Also, you would be doing a disservice to a child if you catered to his/hers every whim, including the little un wanting to go and see some not too reliable and trustworthy aunt plying him/her with candies, trips to the zoo and nasty words about his/her mother. Better let the kids mature a little before giving them completely free reign.
[quote]Better let the kids mature a little before giving them completely free reign.[/quote]That’s a given.
I asked a simple question and I think it is highly relevant. If you think this means that I think the boy should run the family business, you are greatly mistaken. 
It is not the lads choice to decide. [/quote]I never said it was.
Perhaps her peace of mind comes with knowing that her son’s feelings aren’t ignored just because he’s “too young.” [/quote]
If anything, HC is at peace of mind knowing that her son’s feelings aren’t manipulated. A priority has to given to situations that have a long term impact, rather than if he gets his feelings hurt in the short term. But Mr. He did point this out very well.
[quote=“RobinTaiwan”][quote]Better let the kids mature a little before giving them completely free reign.[/quote]That’s a given.
I asked a simple question and I think it is highly relevant. If you think this means that I think the boy should run the family business, you are greatly mistaken. [/quote]
I don’t think Rob was suggesting that Wee Man’s feelings should decide the course of action, although I guess you could read it that way.
I just saw it as a genuine query expressed in order to better understand the whole making a big spherical gesture with both hands* situation.
*Surely there’s a smiley for this somewhere
You read it right, chiefer. 
Where did the house feline go, I wonder?
[quote=“housecat”]
Thanks for your reply, Ironlady. All good advice, but TomCat isn’t on this island and the reason I am here is because he’s not, I’m reasonably sure he’s married to another foreigner woman from a European country, and I was granted custody in the divorce–basically, my ex just “gave” him to me and didn’t even ask for visitation, which is great. But he also doesn’t pay support and people (some people, anyway) keep telling me I should sue his family for this momey as they keep asking me for money–which if find so hiddiously inappropriate.
If I thought it would do any good, I’d find the thirty grand and give it to her, but as I still have my son, I doubt it would help. Also, she borrowed $200,000 from a friend shortly after I got here and I have a feeling that has run out. But Jerry, that brother in NY, I think has given her a wad of cash, too, now I think, though she told me when I got here that she refused to ask him. Anyway, thirty Gs is nothing to what she owes, if she told me the truth and I really don’t think this would be the answer, so I’m not giving her any money.
But yeah, maybe I should live in Hong Kong next year? Or something.[/quote]
Firstable, it sounds like you married an irresponsible prick.
I don’t think you are entitled to ask him for money, tho. It doesnt work that way in Taiwan.
Unlike in USA, the divorced party who received child custody is considered to have received something of value, instead of liability. Likewise, the counterpart who refused custody is not obligated to pay support.
Are you sure about that?
I was under the impressom that the minimum was NT$5k per month per child? It’s hard to enforce, however if she sues for it, surely she will win?
You’re mistaken.
Chapter 4, Article 116-2 of the ROC civil code
Article 119
Article 1120
Housecat should see the family council. Once she got their word, she should go to court and see what happened. Once there, she should ask the family for the support every time they show up.